tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58748662434486224642024-02-06T22:24:52.412-08:00NESquesterJoin me in my quest to review every NES game in order of release.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-2364306767645526672014-11-06T03:00:00.001-08:002014-11-06T03:00:02.442-08:00Quester vs Zombies Ate My Neighbors<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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(Zombies Ate My Neighbors, September 1994, LucasArts)</div>
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Halloween used to be my favorite holiday, then it got too mainstream. Now my favorite holiday is July 7th’s obscure nWo B-Team Appreciation Day. Sorry... hipster moment there...anyhoodles, WELCOME BACK! It's been awhile, I know. The world is a funny, glorious, fucked up place and I was much more content with burying my brain into some pixel art there for a bit. My now award winning art was a distraction from many trials and tribulations of fire that need to be overcome. Call it real life questing, if you will. What can I say? When the bug bites, it bites fuckin' hard. On top of that, my ever curious great grandchildren approached me whilst whittling on my rocking chair and eating horehound the other morning and innocently inquired:</div>
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<i>"Paw-Paw Ques-Tuh, we heard you were some sort of pseudo-legendary reviewer of old grey carts and we never got to see you do your thing! So, if you could show us what you used to do, there is a tiny chance we will trot you out in front of our class like a science project on Family Job Day!". </i></div>
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With that type of task of raw pride laid out in front of me, there can be no other option but to dust off the pencil box, roll up the sleeves of my off-white long john thermals and grab my corncob pipe, and do the motherfucking thing right! Right? Right. The Quester is back, baby...</div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Wait for it...let me earn it...</span></div>
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In the spirit of the dead, as a campy glorification of gore imbibes all of our souls come October, it seemed apropos to look into a game that is tailor made for the holiday. A title that is both Halloween themed as well as one yours truly isn't very versed in, with a name that alone is epic in every possible way: Zombie Ate My Neighbors. (Also referred to for the sake of any futurecarpal tunnel I may incur as ZAMN)</div>
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<span style="color: lime;">A game that makes you feel stoned even when you're not!</span></div>
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ZAMN was bestowed unto us by LucasArts in 1993 while they were in the midst of the company blessing us unworthy gamers with some of the more memorable adventure titles of the time, some of note being Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, and Maniac Mansion. Both are critically acclaimed and magnificent titles that no respectable game library should be without. </div>
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<span style="color: lime;">If this screen twists your face into a smile, your 90's were awesome.</span></div>
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Zombies Ate My Neighbors was released for both the SNES and Genesis around the same time Secret of Mana dropped, totally explaining how it flew by my radar. Around this point in the teenage Quester's timestream, there existed only oxygen, water, food, and Secret of Mana. No regrets, there. Curiously, this little ditty sometimes gets referred to as a Konami game when all Konami really did was produce the carts and slap the pretty sticker on. So, did I make a boo-boo in not giving this cult favorite run and gun a go? Read on o' curious one! </div>
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<span style="color: lime;">It takes no time at all for the wacky to kick in.</span></div>
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Oh, come on, you know you missed my extended and overwinded history sections! </div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Tough shit, you're getting it anyway. >:(</span></div>
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Zombies Ate My Neighbors was primarily conceptualized by the talented and twisted Mike Ebert. Ebert was also the mind behind the NES Star Wars titles and Simpsons Wrestling, before founding Big Ape Studios. Citing Smash TV and Robotron: 2084 as his favorite arcade games of all-time, Mr. Ebert set out to pay homage to these beloved hand crampers as well as a tip of the hat to all his favorite horror movie cliches. Along with a fellow SCUMM engine expert, Kalani Streicher, and future children's music star Joe McDermott, a unique team was formed. They all set out to make something both brand new and comfortably familiar. I won't outright say they succeeded but somewhere in the distance my ears clearly detect a soccer announcer belting out GOALLLLLLLLLLLL at the top of his lungs.</div>
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<span style="color: lime;">In case my insurance dropped me while I was gone, make sure he doesn't pass out on us.</span></div>
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The plot is about as straight forward as it can get, as in, the Commodore VIC-20 had a few games with deeper lore. That being said, its primary vision is that of a campy horror game, so how much backstory could us players possibly need? If the majority of B-movies never contain much of a sensible plot, I can see why they didn't go all Xenogears here. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKLiC2JmWilxlFcRdWQ_SQK5CE_SXWNneBJyLpeltnsFNDOjKF5cXj2CBve9HJv-D8ifKjyPdcu41VOGxQ6LxCSet_XlZD9tzRajWgVsf8fJyafFOn8LwLWPLs3jyYEVkkIKhSQbZSw07l/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h34m47s37.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKLiC2JmWilxlFcRdWQ_SQK5CE_SXWNneBJyLpeltnsFNDOjKF5cXj2CBve9HJv-D8ifKjyPdcu41VOGxQ6LxCSet_XlZD9tzRajWgVsf8fJyafFOn8LwLWPLs3jyYEVkkIKhSQbZSw07l/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h34m47s37.png" height="279" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Like Tecmo Bowl from your nightmares.</span></div>
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In a nutshell, a madman who was cursed with the porno-riffic name of Dr. Tongue did his madman type experiments (as madmen are almost certain to do) and unleashed his mutated creations all over, well, creation. Two plutonic teenage pals by the name of Zeke and Julie round up as much weird shit as they can to save their hapless neighbors from the horrors inhabiting every level. Why these two are fighting for the survival of the hood while the other surrounding humans are barbequing, displaying their pom pom skills, and vacationing on a trampoline, who knows? They obviously share more passion for their homestead turf than I do because if the zombie shit ever truly hits the fan, my immediate neighbors are so beyond the realm of fucked that it isn't even funny. All of this leads to the ultimate showdown between the two teens and one Dr. Tongue. Umm...</div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Then again...creepy enough!</span></div>
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The graphics are a high point for me as the game can be as colorful and vibrant as a Randy Savage ring outfit, or as dark and foreboding as anything named 'Vania. The sprites are all at once wonderfully large, demented, memorable, and fit like a glove. One of my personal favorite features is the presentation of the levels, complete with D-movie style titles such as Chainsaw Hedgemaze Mayhem and Pyramid of Fear. Great care was taken to make each level have a unique atmosphere, and as a result ZAMN never suffers a case of the same old sharkshit when entering a new challenge. Pyramids, football fields, supermarkets, medieval castles, and graveyards are just a few of the offerings here and those are just in the first fifth of this rowdy run n' gunnin' romp. Add in a sprinkle and a dash of some awesome co-op and this becomes an explosion of color and sound that not many games on the SNES matched. Seriously and without my normal exaggeration, the fun factor of ZAMN runs as high as the scale allows. The weapon variety for the era is head-shakingly ahead of others of its time, as if the game was made yesterday in the vein of a SNES title. Let's delve deeper into that shall we?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ07V74S55fUM3nN8MdJX3XJNTZuDoFxQ5qVUJ9_gLeBCakbF0LRjF4fQXcKI68ZmwureYaal8GYzianSZMamj0iMSVEJne2ynq4jJekQJ9PRopNhIfoGkjXvNLas3lOo6OlG5gGIIwy-b/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h41m47s143.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ07V74S55fUM3nN8MdJX3XJNTZuDoFxQ5qVUJ9_gLeBCakbF0LRjF4fQXcKI68ZmwureYaal8GYzianSZMamj0iMSVEJne2ynq4jJekQJ9PRopNhIfoGkjXvNLas3lOo6OlG5gGIIwy-b/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h41m47s143.png" height="279" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">I'd watch this in a New York minute.</span></div>
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Who says 16-bit games can't have a veritable shitpile of weapons? Imagine Krusty The Clown and The Punisher meeting on a summer vacation in Brazil, falling deeply into egomaniacal love and having a readymade-for-therapy baby… Who also gets off on killing shit. That's your fucking armory, my zombie hunting friends. I legitly lost count of how many things I could fire off or use in this gem of a game. No crapola, ZAMN is just a step below a Super Nintendo Ratchet & Clank with how deep the weapon system can get. More often than not, an RPG-like knowledge pulls your fat out of the fire as the natural progession of making it through the baddies of an RPG are as follows:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK0KPHAMVd4YxmCOP7QPnCmBYg32ZLgMVL1cy7FB-P_8cMxmkmx8x304faJ3e3hnHvOJDn7dEm-cow60qzAAM5FZ08CkBNIsIZmFPdXlis5peo_HtuudCl14UxiEbLIeE-4YYXgwAm0OTx/s1600/get-ready.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK0KPHAMVd4YxmCOP7QPnCmBYg32ZLgMVL1cy7FB-P_8cMxmkmx8x304faJ3e3hnHvOJDn7dEm-cow60qzAAM5FZ08CkBNIsIZmFPdXlis5peo_HtuudCl14UxiEbLIeE-4YYXgwAm0OTx/s1600/get-ready.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">First things first, as it pertains to earlier...</span></div>
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1. Ahoy! A new, unseen enemy! Hack wildly at that ass with my default weapon!</div>
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2. That worked about as well as trying to stab someone to death with Jello. Now to cycle through all my enemy slaying stuff and find which offensive thingamajig works best for said monster, having my ass handed to me all the while. </div>
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3. Found one that works! Die forever monster demon creature! DIE!!!</div>
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4. Well...shit, I barely made it out of that one before I found the right weapon. Certainly, the next hit will kill me as dead as killed people get. Now I know better and shall use the EXP in my noggin's hard drive next time, whomp ass, and move on with life.</div>
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Rinse, wash, repeat. </div>
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Example: Dart a little silverware at the werewolves and they go down faster than Kanye West's IQ anytime he speaks. I appreciate that level of detail in an older acton game tremendously.</div>
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<span style="color: lime;">THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Eat the waiter, tip the veal!</span></div>
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Onto Mr. McDermott's soundtrack. In my opinion, the audio in ZAMN is right up there with the frantic action and mind bending levels. The sound effects are relentlessly loud and in your face. One of my normal issues with shooters is the lack of decent sounding explosions or the soundtrack drowning it out. No, my friends, when something goes KABOOM here in ZAMN Land, it treats your ears to the auditory satisfaction of shit of mass chaos around you. Kooky concept I know, but a lot of games in the era had trouble getting it right. In closing, this soundtrack is some of the most high end, delicious cream of the SNES crop without a doubt. The artist obviously had an inner affinity for the ambience of Universal horror films then translated that into a labor of love that became this OST. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkoXFGpMqTqrC6fgfNtCrKaS47UfqX1hEHAHG1YZdn6ggZ9N5MD0AJRcmJGK4FJsloTLV4SgyAsaqk1nzkBLnFERgKiO03LTPy8cX-cjsSfRsditZGgaDazbnmeiTNNnoQQSI-qN1fpHrh/s1600/draclegacy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkoXFGpMqTqrC6fgfNtCrKaS47UfqX1hEHAHG1YZdn6ggZ9N5MD0AJRcmJGK4FJsloTLV4SgyAsaqk1nzkBLnFERgKiO03LTPy8cX-cjsSfRsditZGgaDazbnmeiTNNnoQQSI-qN1fpHrh/s1600/draclegacy.jpg" height="320" width="232" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Speaking of, if you haven't dug into these yet, I cannot recommend these Legacy sets highly enough. </span></div>
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Now, before we start naming our soon to be born children "Zamn Lucas”, It isn't all overflowing with awesome. Understand that Zombies Ate My Neighbors has issues that should be addressed, but rest assured that they aren’t game breaking! The main issue is the weapons switch. Switching weapons can be well within the difficulty range of eating a pound of block cheese and trying to shit the next day. Often will you curse the screen simply because you had the know how, the will, and the way, but the damned weapon switch left you open to every attack under the sun, bringing your furious visage face to face with the game over screen. Aiming can also be tricky as some enemies require you to be precisely lined up with the middle of the target. This can be absolute hell in later levels when these brain-starved monstrosities swarm you from every corner of the screen. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbuxkxFoXG-JVk0nbfBoeKzWpXwQf7599TRVpaTz8-4fZZc_faEG7SfhLHc9sA0BzjXU3uGEitAG78GVDloQWmA6X2CwtDIEOcBzI_L4UuMso-Q9DUgkeRmdFsVgokD015Zh-9wLTLg2cM/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h49m03s142.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbuxkxFoXG-JVk0nbfBoeKzWpXwQf7599TRVpaTz8-4fZZc_faEG7SfhLHc9sA0BzjXU3uGEitAG78GVDloQWmA6X2CwtDIEOcBzI_L4UuMso-Q9DUgkeRmdFsVgokD015Zh-9wLTLg2cM/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h49m03s142.png" height="279" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Or when you meet this insufferable pain in the ass.</span></div>
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Another minor gripe is the neighbor system. Play starts with ten neighbors that you are destined to protect per level. If one is killed by the monsters, then when you begin the the next level, you have nine to protect and so on. This makes the game unbeatable later on if you haven't regained bonus neighbors, attainable by turning in a spectacular performance. If the player finds him or herself down to one neighbor on a new level, grab a soda and hit that reset button as you'd have an easier time getting 2014 gamers to all get along. Practice truly makes perfect to get around these little hiccups, though, and after a few sessions, they become necessary evils required to endure these 16-bits of badassery.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4pVlCpdaqCLAiKZcqPD1A0mMqQ62rvTKgARLXfEhH5E4nNIs8lmA5ujHWmoSTLYfsG3LeOrZaM1ODSSUWN-D72dUHsirwW_oxBp1OKGt0DfuQiojCOtcaT0EKpklnf1Y7UkK8N0AkRtaq/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h50m59s9.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4pVlCpdaqCLAiKZcqPD1A0mMqQ62rvTKgARLXfEhH5E4nNIs8lmA5ujHWmoSTLYfsG3LeOrZaM1ODSSUWN-D72dUHsirwW_oxBp1OKGt0DfuQiojCOtcaT0EKpklnf1Y7UkK8N0AkRtaq/s1600/vlcsnap-2014-11-06-04h50m59s9.png" height="279" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Not spoiling anything, but that ending was some surreal shit.</span></div>
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<br />THE VERDICT: (WIP)</div>
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9/10 Zombies Ate My Neighbors, without a doubt, kicks ass and has a line around the corner waiting to have it's ass kicked. A sequel named Ghoul Patrol was released in 1994 but wasn't nealy as warmly received. A movie is always rumored to be in the works so who knows if we have ever truly seen the last of this memorable franchise?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1CErCBeQRvtBlGsG9R5TbTHtPdme5q4DGbjRbm4Dklrk6AWrsXlJ7O14zKX1UT_WrcunwN_9IGdCw_McVq7s6KzbyK_VjANIo64TI814ODVGYwIh9_-xNmeriY80AxEKOFKodmqQo8ba5/s1600/img098.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1CErCBeQRvtBlGsG9R5TbTHtPdme5q4DGbjRbm4Dklrk6AWrsXlJ7O14zKX1UT_WrcunwN_9IGdCw_McVq7s6KzbyK_VjANIo64TI814ODVGYwIh9_-xNmeriY80AxEKOFKodmqQo8ba5/s1600/img098.jpg" height="255" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">Even with this budget, it'd have to be better than that damned Chun Li movie. (pic:jacfalcon)</span></div>
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To read a captivating interview with ZAMN Creator Mike Ebert over at Gamasutra</div>
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<a href="http://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/103312/Playing_Catch_Up_Zombies_Ate_My_Neighbors_Mike_Ebert.php">http://www.gamasutra.com/view/news/103312/Playing_Catch_Up_Zombies_Ate_My_Neighbors_Mike_Ebert.php</a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-50435269446844180872014-01-24T15:11:00.002-08:002014-01-24T15:11:34.173-08:00Made Man I Be :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrEiVvws62sSBq9wSISP2jbUuu8bBgsIKuBg9cKNaYQ0AFdmCwLU9xjExBXArhSBRX3kzUPbE0HyHKXMO5Z6G67ea_O94ju7_uLFWrt1KBsBVD0lPLiXjDC8_eUzWLOCQ4OotOMLIQgeqY/s1600/tgfinal.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrEiVvws62sSBq9wSISP2jbUuu8bBgsIKuBg9cKNaYQ0AFdmCwLU9xjExBXArhSBRX3kzUPbE0HyHKXMO5Z6G67ea_O94ju7_uLFWrt1KBsBVD0lPLiXjDC8_eUzWLOCQ4OotOMLIQgeqY/s1600/tgfinal.jpg" height="640" width="449" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHrUMVYKs_NXBGClc2i7U0hURhixZ03YTGI3auClr5I-B_sBfi9xo8D8twr5cgEoLmKF7hONZeHowGdXxb3lTQOECziT5qboQz4bqC2Rtb3Ym-X6fEq25_vZVA9AuujO3UU87s3J6zqev-/s1600/tgfinal2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHrUMVYKs_NXBGClc2i7U0hURhixZ03YTGI3auClr5I-B_sBfi9xo8D8twr5cgEoLmKF7hONZeHowGdXxb3lTQOECziT5qboQz4bqC2Rtb3Ym-X6fEq25_vZVA9AuujO3UU87s3J6zqev-/s1600/tgfinal2.jpg" height="640" width="450" /></a></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-83057707314491048092013-11-30T17:48:00.001-08:002013-11-30T17:48:38.687-08:00ZERO BULLSHIT WALKTHROUGH - King's Quest I<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEs2j76WsjaFHvAIY9U_5Qlfa-1tjvrT6pUocEb-e57qcbujiHZ9ebK7xqDqALyDx2z0GcsOU4a3YfP4_AgQSfTwnvIJW_AfJBDSEJPclM7GZ61M6JKrsSkCKvfDZRk8yb_nK4VgciMchN/s1600/529526_10151785464481169_1993439356_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEs2j76WsjaFHvAIY9U_5Qlfa-1tjvrT6pUocEb-e57qcbujiHZ9ebK7xqDqALyDx2z0GcsOU4a3YfP4_AgQSfTwnvIJW_AfJBDSEJPclM7GZ61M6JKrsSkCKvfDZRk8yb_nK4VgciMchN/s400/529526_10151785464481169_1993439356_n.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">BY REQUEST!!! Something I threw on Facebook awhile back people seemed to like so HERE GOES!!!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">NESquester's ZERO-BULLSHIT Walkthrough of King's Quest I for the max 158 points. If it isn't here, try toying around with shit or go to another better written walkthrough.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;" /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><span style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;">Left 1. OPEN DOOR. Up 1. Left 1. BOW. TALK KING. Right 1. Down 1. Left 1. PUSH ROCK from north. LOOK HOLE. GET DAGGER. Up 1. LOOK TREE. CLIMB TREE. Walk up branch. LOOK NEST. TAKE EGG. Walk down branch. Right 1. Take carrot. Up</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.333333969116211px; line-height: 17.98611068725586px;"> 1. TALK ELF. Up 1. GET BOWL. LOOK BOWL. Up 1. GET PEBBLES. Down 1. Left 1. GET WALNUT. OPEN WALNUT. Down 3. Left 3. LOOK IN STUMP. TAKE POUCH. LOOK INSIDE POUCH. Right 1. Down 1. Enter. TALK MAN. GIVE BOWL. FILL. TAKE FIDDLE. PLAY FIDDLE. Exit. Down 2. EAT HOUSE. OPEN DOOR. Enter. TAKE NOTE. READ NOTE. PUSH WITCH. OPEN CUPBOARD. TAKE CHEESE. Exit. Left 3. Down 1. TAKE CLOVER. Down 1(Fairy). Right 3. CUT ROPE. LOWER ROPE. CLIMB ROPE. Down 1. FILL BUCKET. DIVE. Left 1. THROW WATER. TAKE MIRROR. LOOK MIRROR. Right 1. Up 1. CLIMB ROPE. Left 1. Up 1. JUMP(or 0). Left 1. TAKE MUSHROOM. Right 1. Down hole. Down 1. Left 1. TALK RAT. GIVE CHEESE. OPEN DOOR. PLAY FIDDLE. Down 1. TAKE SCEPTRE. TAKE SHIELD. Left 1. EAT MUSHROOM. Exit. Left 2. Down 3. OPEN GATE. Enter. CLOSE GATE. Left 1. SHOW CARROT. Right 1. OPEN GATE. Left 2. Up 2. Wait. Up 1. TALK GNOME. IFNKOVHGROGHPRM. GET BEANS. Right 2. PLANT BEANS. CLIMB STALK. Up 3. Right 2. Down 1. Right 2. LOOK HOLE. GET SLING. Up 1. Left 1. Wait. GET CHEST. Right 1. Enter. Down 3. Exit. Up 4. Right 1. OPEN DOOR. Up 1. Left 1. BOW. *fini*</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-71682602758263599802013-11-13T16:27:00.002-08:002013-11-14T16:50:57.772-08:00What Does Being A Gamer Mean To Me?<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">What does being a gamer mean to me? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Like any other passion in life, it is a bizarre amalgamation of the best of times and the worst of times. Sounds quite trivial when involving something meant to be fun such as video games right? Earlier this year, I went through the longest drought of my life without once positioning my thumbs onto buttons in that oh so reflexive way due to some serious psychological shit temporarily consuming me but eventually internally reevaluated how important those lovable moving bytes of information were to me and reconnected with them in a way you would a longtime family pet returning home after being lost for a time. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">It hearkens back to the old mafia joke. "Everytime you try to get out, they pull you back in." I have accepted that for better or for worse, they will be a part of my life forever in some form or fashion. Video games and I are practically married. As fucked up and past the point of corny as it sounds, Mario, Sonic, Claptrap, Cloud, & Pitfall Harry have been there for me as a form of entertainment long before and long after the Angelas, Robyns and Melissas of the world. That aspect can be joyous nostalgia or melancholy memoriam where gaming is concerned as I can remember the first time playing Yar's Revenge with my best friend who tragically passed away in 2006 back in '84 just as vividly as I can remember Borderlands 2 being played in the final day of a failed relationship that will haunt me eternally. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Gaming is what you make of it, just like anything in life. Choose to revel in the positive and try your hardest to never dwell on the negative. From the avid to the casual, a gamer will always find their own path in their quest for fulfillment through our wacky little medium. I like to travel throughout as many genres as I can chew on but can certainly understand why some prefer one type over the other. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Gaming can also be about opinion. There will be the elitists in every gaggle of geese who think their favorite should be the only game that exists, but pick a hobby, any hobby, and those people exist therein as well. I have my own opinions when it comes to things and I share mine in the form of reviews and social media but pride myself on how I will welcome different opinions and reading others reviews is still a refreshing and eye-opening experience for me. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Being a gamer can mean making new acquaintances via something as small as wearing a like-minded shirt inside of a mall while grabbing a bite somehow resulting in an hour long conversation and a new life-long pal to raise pixelated hell with. Being a gamer means having a fantastic time no matter the game being in a cart or disc, how many bits it has, or any of that jazz as I have had as much fun hunting for the elusive Pink Tail in Final Fantasy IV as I had getting 1000/1000 on Alan Wake. Why else would a 14 year old me play 250 rounds of Mortal Kombat with my buddies just to play a game of Pong? Simple. I loved Pong and hadn't played it in years. The most advanced fighter on home consoles at the time and we were collectively frothing to play with some beeps, bloops, and blips. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">What does being a gamer mean to me? Tons of things.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Great memories. Sad memories. Life. Love. Loss. Laughter. Friendship. Enjoyment. Passion. Anger. Depression. Rebirth. Children. Mental exercises. Mental exhaustion. Writing. Talking. All of these but most importantly...</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">It means having a great time everytime you pick up a controller. Whether it is an escape, a time filler, a way to get through the wait at the DMV or Dr.'s office, a public World Record attempt, or just to get some good old fashioned kicks, EVERYTIME, make sure to have a wonderful time while doing it.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">That is what being a gamer means to me.</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-1622872386357384862013-09-11T13:59:00.000-07:002013-09-11T14:53:08.781-07:00THE BOUNTY<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr9CAjs42s-y0RgnqO0mc83nF3k432hm3xxst9ehCdyMppEGITYYdSJabygWOwLBZNlBpxvyaeXeaCMeIPdZsevKeQpq5k8yl_Y0Snq_8MVJzwyBBmIft2BRLBFZrriRkCDQ3mQvzNQWtl/s1600/bountry-non-tron.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr9CAjs42s-y0RgnqO0mc83nF3k432hm3xxst9ehCdyMppEGITYYdSJabygWOwLBZNlBpxvyaeXeaCMeIPdZsevKeQpq5k8yl_Y0Snq_8MVJzwyBBmIft2BRLBFZrriRkCDQ3mQvzNQWtl/s640/bountry-non-tron.png" width="640" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: x-large;">The Bounty</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Taken from the indiegogo page: LINK BELOW)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Hello!</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"> Let me tell you a little about myself, and this project. I'm </span><span style="color: yellow;">Dave Vogt</span><span style="color: white;">; I run </span><a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/www.gwwentertainment.com" rel="nofollow" style="color: white; font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Gaming World Wide</a><span style="color: white;">; a gaming group and website that focuses on charity, information, and entertainment. Beyond that, I hold several gaming world records, and have dabbled in independent game design for years. So, I'm bringing it all together. This title, The Bounty, is a unique, retro styled, high score based RPG. A roguelike with a classic arcade edge. It's meant to challenge the player, and inspire them to push their limits further. You start your game, and delve into the dungeon; everything you do rewards you with points. But there are no shops, no inns, no safehouses. Once you die, you die. You're awarded your score, and return to the title screen. Next time you might do better. Of course, you might end up in different levels this time. Above all that? The game is being released for free. Featuring custom sprite work by </span><b><span style="color: yellow;">Mike "NESQuester" Wright</span></b><span style="color: white;">, we have the highest expectations of this game to bring you back to the old days, in a new way.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> Care to try it now? I've assembled a pre-alpha demo. This is proof of concept only; just enough to get the object of the game across, using all stock middleware RTP assets. <a href="http://www.mediafire.com/download/8t8tr2t2bfm1omx/TheBountyv02demo.exe" rel="nofollow" style="font-weight: bold; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">You can find and download this demo here</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">What We Need & What You Get</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So, how much are we looking for? The lower end is $2500. This will cover a bare minimum of development costs such as hardware, software, and staff. Going up to a more desirable $4000 and beyond will get us custom chiptune music, more artwork, and more specialized hardware. Basically, a more awesome final product, and a framework to deliver new level packs and sequels in the future. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> The perks really involve you in the development. Your contributions will have you designing levels in the dungeons, helping create items, and even becoming a playable character! I'll personally work with you to ensure maximum balancing and playability, so it's a fun and easy way to make a real creative contribution; a personal touch beyond a standard financial funding-for a perk. If you prefer promotional items, those are options as well, of course.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> We're aiming for a release date of December 1st, 2013. This could be delayed; whether there is a huge influx of fan created content, technical issues, or if additional debugging/QA testing is required. December 1st is the goal however, and video diaries will be recorded frequently, keeping you up to date on the progress.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"> What if we don't reach our goal? A basic version of the game will be built. The art/music assets will be weaker, QA/bug testing will be limited; but there will be a well playing, quality game to be found!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The Impact</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">As AAA games get bigger and bigger, players are turning to independent games for those classic experiences the big studios don't bother with anymore. The Bounty is the real deal, with every detail painstakingly built and fine tuned by a world class competitor. To be able to present this experience to the world, free of charge... is beyond explanation. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Other Ways You Can Help</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">If you can't contribute financially, there's still plenty you can do to help make this a reality! Beyond indiegogo's sharing tools, you can hype up this project, pass it around to the people you know. Anything you can do is most appreciated.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-bounty"><span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: x-large;">The Bounty - Indiegogo Page</span></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-77720853642146116992013-07-09T10:31:00.001-07:002013-07-15T13:25:38.639-07:00SIDE-QUEST - Vampire Killer <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Vampire Killer, October 1986, Konami)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Metroidvania is a well-known portmanteau celebrating the awesomeness of the non-linear side-scroller popularized throughout the years. Your friendly neighborhood NESquester was pondering exactly how this term came to be coined as Castlevania was a very point A to point B type of experience. More extensive research into the legendary series led me directly into the waiting arms of a title only touched by Japanese and European hands and gave me the exact answer I was seeking. Exclusive to the wildy beloved MSX2 computer platforms, today we are going to sink our teeth into (pun very intended) a footnote in gaming that should be shitloads more popular than it is, Vampire Killer.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Fans would fill Ozarks jugs with all the skeet they could muster if this ever got announced</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">In a first for me, there is no need to go into my normal spiel concerning the storyline and development team as it is 100% the same crew that worked on the version released one month prior for the NES. Thankfully, they are given full credit here and not the ridiculous shit that they were saddled with during the end of Castlevania in a failed attempt at humor or whatever that was about. Imagine busting your everloving hump for a year of your life only to be tossed the back-asswards moniker of Vram Stoker. I imagine that must be close to how the poor kids in WWE must feel when given their new ring names. See below review for all the goodies!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_-p2WNYISnQnwoso3fVyFeX1m6RbDUEWzLh0lk3fC9v1u9YtmpvJwZ91LVkreXm5sxY_Gp21gMAdZVE8KXemn46kv2a0IuePRA6ZGzZ4pI4_X7uNax-m1-SyosnOFqqVohmF43ZnFbiiB/s1600/970948_516693005050816_40239325_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_-p2WNYISnQnwoso3fVyFeX1m6RbDUEWzLh0lk3fC9v1u9YtmpvJwZ91LVkreXm5sxY_Gp21gMAdZVE8KXemn46kv2a0IuePRA6ZGzZ4pI4_X7uNax-m1-SyosnOFqqVohmF43ZnFbiiB/s400/970948_516693005050816_40239325_n.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">So far, so kind of the same ol', same ol'.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Not knowing what exactly to expect, the title screen resembles that of the Japanese version of Castlevania. Our hero, Simon Belmont takes the famous walk to the gates of Dracula's castle just as before and the familiar music widens my smile as always. The first screen is territory that has been traversed on countless occasions so it appears that the second game of the Castlevanianseries is just a port named after Simon's whip right?</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">What in the name of FUCK just happened?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white; font-size: x-large;">WRONG! </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT18wHx7-hdq2FSy3EFT_sqlWOwhP5neg12pVvOAqnkSF6EMfe-JzEe3co8GGN4zKJVaKAqmYdvorzbgYWfkgvgbl5SyoG8qYJTAqte7J-BnB_0lxaPGZshAcSSvqSjgB9jio5auMZxE6z/s1600/1000824_516693151717468_710003792_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT18wHx7-hdq2FSy3EFT_sqlWOwhP5neg12pVvOAqnkSF6EMfe-JzEe3co8GGN4zKJVaKAqmYdvorzbgYWfkgvgbl5SyoG8qYJTAqte7J-BnB_0lxaPGZshAcSSvqSjgB9jio5auMZxE6z/s400/1000824_516693151717468_710003792_n.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Eenie, meenie, miney, moe it is!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Keys? Treasure chests? Whip upgrades rarely available? Multiple stair cases? What the fuck happened to my Castlevania? Turns out that Vampire Killer is kind of like if you were married to a twin and they tried to pull a switcheroo on you for shits and giggles. The outer shell looks like the person you've come to know and grow older with but the inner workings like personality could never match up no matter the amount of effort went into the hoax. Don't get it twisted however, this is akin to both twins resembling Kat Dennings. Jackpot, my lucky retro gaming friends.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">You're welcome.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">In order to progress through each level, the skeleton key must be found, identified by its white color as the others to open chests are yellow. Remember being younger before this fangled internet machine gained steam and Nintendo Power debuting having to do things like toss the candle at every single bush in Legend of Zelda for any and all ways to bring everything you had at Ganondorf? Get ready to break some walls until your fingers are numb because that is where the keys are located now in place of food. Once again, we are given six levels of atmospheric good times in gothic Transylvania with three sections per level to conquer. Even if you are the current and reigning champion of the original Konami offering, you will be forced to think outside the box with Vampire Killer. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">George Lucas is the devil! Fucking KNEW it!!!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Another major difference are the new form of puzzles that lie within. Simply procuring the skeleton key isn't a guarantee that Mr. Belmont will advance to the next insanity test he has. Mr. Nagata clearly had a blast with his level designing as sometimes just getting to a wall you think MIGHT have the required key will induce migraines. One stage in particular forces you to fall into a pit (some shit you'd never dream of trying in the original) and plummet a few screens to land safely in front of the wall containing said item. What can make it even more maddening is that the levels are on an infinite loop so more often than not, the player will be struck with that "Deja Vu? Huh? Oh, fuck me running!" feeling. You know exactly what frustratng emotions I speak of. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Medusa Heads and moving platforms? Stage designer must've been extra bitter on this day methinks!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Strategy also comes into play as there are a few more weapons Simon has gained mastery of. The pisser however, is if you throw, say, the Axe and don't catch it upon it's return, it is removed from your inventory until you obtain it again. I was less than thrilled about that but then Vampire Killer REALLY sticks it in and breaks it off when there are no extra lives and no continues. Luckily, there are a few bones thrown at you as you can tote around more than one item at a time, which comes in handy. Many new ways to improve Simon's position exists here, such as wings to make him jump higher and boots that add speed. I reckon someone took the month inbetween games to remind Simon that he wears a belt for a reason. Sub-weapons can still only be held one at a time but it isn't that big of a bother as only the Stopwatch and Holy Water are present assisting in using some of the same tricks us old dogs know. Medusa Heads + Stopwatch = NESquester not wanting to immediately atomize the first cute thing he sees. Precursor's to Simon's Quest begin to show up as well such as hearts now used for currency and the scattered merchants closely resemble the old woman sprites from Castlevania II. Buying from them is one of the more bizarre aspects to the game as you stroll up to where they sit and simply beat the piss out of them until they turn red and deal. Well, alrighty then.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">"Gonna gimme some goodies or does Simon Belmont have to whip a bitch?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Castlevania always sported one of the greatest rogue galleries in gaming and nothing has been altered here until the end. Giants bats, Medusa, Mummies, Frankenstein's Monster, and the Grim Reaper all make their valiant returns here to insure that you are needing a new keyboard before long and move about in around the formations we are accustomed to. Dracula himself added an extra stage to his castle just to be a true heel and his first form hasn't changed other than the fight taking place in front of an ominous looking portrait or the Prince of Darkness. Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with him because the figure you're fighting looks more like a zombie with a cape while the painting is rather close to Count Chocula with Great Tiger's gem embdedded between his eyes. Take out the first form and the background comes alive and starts shooting bats at you at an insane rate of fire presumably as revenge for the death of the beloved Wampa Bat in the NES version.</span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6K9MxaVlaW019UeKU1TlxIBLvdPJDkZuROf3TPEvUSfzU1jVy2bmDdDs51INFykMaUGlpr1q0ZY3tPJpztxIZQTaacyN2jhcYmdKxn-YM42W2dlTrXuaMT4wZS5BWDh7tma8wYVUCgakJ/s1600/1009780_516693281717455_1857641855_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6K9MxaVlaW019UeKU1TlxIBLvdPJDkZuROf3TPEvUSfzU1jVy2bmDdDs51INFykMaUGlpr1q0ZY3tPJpztxIZQTaacyN2jhcYmdKxn-YM42W2dlTrXuaMT4wZS5BWDh7tma8wYVUCgakJ/s400/1009780_516693281717455_1857641855_n.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">"I vant to eat your cereal!"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The gameplay and presentation aren't that much different though there is definately one MAJOR bitch I have to get out. Vampire Killer requires the player to press up to jump, which can be absolute hell if you're trying to jump near a staircase and Nagata put stairs EVERYWHERE. Many was the time I red raged because when attemptng to jump over an obstacle only to begin my slow climb up or downstairs surely making Dracula cackle his undead ass off if he was watching. That graphics are better by just a bit as the trees look more like trees and the laboratory level simply steals the show. Kinuyo Yamashita's classic soundtrack is unchanged and as haunting as ever insuring great times to be had by all. The challenge is the most difficult aspect to compare as some trials and tribulations take less effort than before and some more. I will state for the record that Count Chocula is a hell of alot easier than Wampa Bat.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">The graphics in the lab truly shine.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">9/10 NOW I finally understand where the Metroidvania term came from. A sense of exploration not seen since the original Metroid but with the shiny coat of Castlevania over it makes this an instant classic in my books. The one point is due to the up button/staircase misfire but with time and patience, it can be overcome and overlooked as this was head and tails better than most of what was around in 1986. Vampire Killer definately laid the groundwork for countless future titles and should be regarded as right up there with Castlevania. If only THIS was labeled Castlevania II but, yeah, I still need to review that bastard child don't I...</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-66685567393099142922013-07-04T21:37:00.000-07:002013-07-04T21:37:46.130-07:00NESquest - Castlevania<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCnfD9aKDnvCQYZOqjFVeLPHRThb6IeNZc-PV8D68aE4iSmilWpk_XC2X7nS-uYlb-2ZwfYbdK-tiBoRusqjZcIzvBV4ND1nk2Z-YA0YEsN6_Ws711TtTM7sNjlPFlRjz8IHfeifOSgvG/s923/cvaniabox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCnfD9aKDnvCQYZOqjFVeLPHRThb6IeNZc-PV8D68aE4iSmilWpk_XC2X7nS-uYlb-2ZwfYbdK-tiBoRusqjZcIzvBV4ND1nk2Z-YA0YEsN6_Ws711TtTM7sNjlPFlRjz8IHfeifOSgvG/s320/cvaniabox.jpg" width="221" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Castlevania, Konami, May 1987)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Leading up to May of 1987, the Nintendo Entertainment System had experienced a rash of games that were either grey squares of fecal matter (Trojan, Volleyball, Ikari Warriors) or average at best offerings (Gauntlet, Bomberman, Mighty Bomb Jack). Poor Mr. NES needed a title that could help establish its own identity as more than a piece of sturdy hardware that could port a decent arcade game. Konami understood this as well as wished to cement themselves eternally in the good graces of The Big N. The end product was an 8-bit platforming masterpiece that easily stands the test of time and spits in the face of dozens of other games that only wish they could pull off this level of gothic gaming beauty that Konami accomplished. Have a seat under the NESquester learning tree and stay awhile kids, this is Castlevania.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkzGiz7Fx-S_um6zPXWYKernl1hxd-LvocErdZa6G1S8FmuYd-iO0ij__UijAdGo7r2-FjdreHcsbLjsTQwP_MHImRULKJvYBkJq2t2oFKJnQcFvo5KVVcZVzpcER8Y0fg9n6vOy34vasJ/s256/cvaniamoai.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkzGiz7Fx-S_um6zPXWYKernl1hxd-LvocErdZa6G1S8FmuYd-iO0ij__UijAdGo7r2-FjdreHcsbLjsTQwP_MHImRULKJvYBkJq2t2oFKJnQcFvo5KVVcZVzpcER8Y0fg9n6vOy34vasJ/s400/cvaniamoai.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">During the Second Quest, the bane of my existence throughout Gradius, the Moai Head, shows his face as an easter egg! Check out the Gradius review for the Konami backstory.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The story behind Castlevania is a much, much darker motherfucker than I had ever envisioned. Nintendo of America, in their neverending quest to censor anything </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">they thought could cause children around the world to piss the bed en masse, removed pretty much the entire story and gave us Americans a vanilla "get to Dracula </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">using your magic whip and save the day" spiel in the manual. Even with their well-known penchant for censorship, crosses and skeletons are scattered all over </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">the place as well as epic shit like The Count's head flying towards deep space when his first form is defeated. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxc62mlCStPWBB2XcRHf5OdtYr_YCpHfJDyVJ2A7rbYPvsaqc9fPiAxsSLtKagjN8FnOJa6_1KUizNThG_I6R_dMgNdE914RLcEgR4TXF8Xdj4XiaLYTZErNGO0EId9QgymPenlhzwpzSH/s256/cvania1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxc62mlCStPWBB2XcRHf5OdtYr_YCpHfJDyVJ2A7rbYPvsaqc9fPiAxsSLtKagjN8FnOJa6_1KUizNThG_I6R_dMgNdE914RLcEgR4TXF8Xdj4XiaLYTZErNGO0EId9QgymPenlhzwpzSH/s400/cvania1.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">NoA's censors must've taken a weed nap during the laboratory stage.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">So it goes that the year 1691 marked the one hundred year anniversary of the defeat of Dracula at the hands of one Christopher Belmont. The local township of Transylvania rests </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">easy at night knowing that our fabled fanged badass is no more. However, every one hundred years there is a brief window in time where the power of Christ is </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">weakened within the lands causing men's hearts to begin to turn towards the ways of the Sith. Wow, that would've gone over like a fart in church back </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">in '87. Anyhoodles, the perfect storm came to a head during the annual Easter celebration when a group of the these blackened souls slipped off and broke into the </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">local monastery with their sights set on resurrecting Vlad The Rad by way of black mass. A bolt of lightning shot down from the sky to signal the return of </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">the Prince of Darkness and before the bewildered Transylvanians knew what was happening, Dracula's castle appeared out of thin air and the smell of thousands </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">of people shitting themselves simultaneously in fear permeated the land.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA91dKLIv-R33PVfxZrC_fhJn_K-OzNz5SH1NJd0yAvlcg1a9xs_Kvj5NU-YeUsjiy7T6uxpWICUV17DgnNlo0BFeL7dWi9kKNroNQSeR9jabhPwe4xGpr3XGa496CRBq7pGwRw_XTQ4iA/s256/cvania3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhA91dKLIv-R33PVfxZrC_fhJn_K-OzNz5SH1NJd0yAvlcg1a9xs_Kvj5NU-YeUsjiy7T6uxpWICUV17DgnNlo0BFeL7dWi9kKNroNQSeR9jabhPwe4xGpr3XGa496CRBq7pGwRw_XTQ4iA/s400/cvania3.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">"Who ordered the whoop-ass fajitas?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">In urgent need of a hero to eradicate this stench from the land, Christopher's ancestor, a strapping young lad named Simon Belmont was given the very whip that </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">tanned Dracy's fanny a century past, the aptly named Vampire Killer. Vampire Killer also happens to be the title of another game in the series for the MSX2 </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">that will be covered with Simon's Quest in the very near future. Realizing that his destiny awaited him, Simon threw on his best leather armor and boots and </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">was apparently too manly for pants and off to fuck up some satanic blood suckers he went!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAaub1ezkLb-EFdJ692PQsdhYQkucxQHrgM_F5AEgH4TyaDSfNS-fHRRUHYl_E94mr-Xaf79skgjEnWIJr7brU15dOR8_vCVUWAJHJLjZmRA5K6nT_fkXcacJlYD3GKsJ3DePVGyEisEBq/s600/simonbelmont02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAaub1ezkLb-EFdJ692PQsdhYQkucxQHrgM_F5AEgH4TyaDSfNS-fHRRUHYl_E94mr-Xaf79skgjEnWIJr7brU15dOR8_vCVUWAJHJLjZmRA5K6nT_fkXcacJlYD3GKsJ3DePVGyEisEBq/s320/simonbelmont02.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">"And you PROMISE if I do this, I can play Simon Belmont in that up coming Captain N show? SWEAR TO ME!"</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">I would never forgive myself if I didn't mention the team who slaved to bring us this measuring stick of early NES platformers. Firstly, Akihito Nagata had the task </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">of level designer and what a sadistic fuck this guy must've been! These are some of the most vicious levels gaming has ever seen. Mr. Nagata also went on to </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">produce Metal Gear Solid for Konami as well as VR Missions. Currently, he has delved into television with a critically lauded anime overseas titled "Best </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Student Concil".</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWiMyK4KN_nmTe7mUqDsXmEuTFLV14WSGSyjRtnuyhrI5M45Rf5FiwStJR6C5crvpJIUM06BPi-dcc7joZ4nAoi1Ej72x_bHc1O2NLC-REkZDwXPUCE8UGoBX7N4IJ39DPZ6uRD6TV0xFu/s256/cvania4.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWiMyK4KN_nmTe7mUqDsXmEuTFLV14WSGSyjRtnuyhrI5M45Rf5FiwStJR6C5crvpJIUM06BPi-dcc7joZ4nAoi1Ej72x_bHc1O2NLC-REkZDwXPUCE8UGoBX7N4IJ39DPZ6uRD6TV0xFu/s400/cvania4.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: yellow;"><span style="background-color: black;">If Mr.Nagata accepts my Facebook friend request, my one question to him would be where the hell these stairs were supposed to lead to.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Secondly, Kinuyo Yamashita in her debut as a video game composer should be credited endlessly as a pioneering female in the industry. To this day, the music she created for </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Castlevania is remixed and there aren't many more 8-bit scores that are as beloved in the Nintendo's library. Sadly, she was credited as James Banana, a riff </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">of James Bernard, the composer behind the classic 1958 Christopher Lee version of Dracula. Upon completion of her magnum opus, Ms.Yamashita left Konami to </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">work independently creating the music for such games as Power Blade I and II, Parodius, and Megaman X3. If you are brand new to Castlevania (after having </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">just left your underground bunker located in Amish country), then you owe it to yourself to listen to this OST. A timeless classic in every aspect. No bullshit, it's that good.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDS6noEpcu4EiLHYwenU1Na5N9pc8MGwVHfcO3Y4npS3d2xRj3SuC_YcDHasmYNB4SPGQ68aTq2DCFmVJDx8KR1N9Usi9Q_1w91ABcqbj32fTrLzBw8-GKduhX1wK1xH1uZmlDPE2vW-df/s256/cvania5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDS6noEpcu4EiLHYwenU1Na5N9pc8MGwVHfcO3Y4npS3d2xRj3SuC_YcDHasmYNB4SPGQ68aTq2DCFmVJDx8KR1N9Usi9Q_1w91ABcqbj32fTrLzBw8-GKduhX1wK1xH1uZmlDPE2vW-df/s400/cvania5.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Crack that whip! Give the past a slip!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Now for the chili on the dog, the actual game itself. Six stages of gothic and horror themed mayhem are the showcase of this landmark pixelated dream. The </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">designs put forth by Mr. Nagata are brilliant in that the stages are wildly different and contain some of the most atmospheric backdrops the NES had seen or </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">ever would see again until the third installment. From the opening scene of Simon entering the castle to the decrepit look of the walls and curtains to the claustrophobic caverns underground, </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">the variation of color schemes from vibrant yet creepy to dark and dismal are awe-inspiring to behold. For its time, the graphics present in Castlevania were </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">nothing short of amazing. The controls are tighter than a gnat's asshole as Simon does exactly what you will him to do. A jumps, B whips, and pressing up </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">with B shoots whatever sub-weapon you are holding. Crack the Vampire Killer at every candle in Simon's way to collect hearts which dictate how many times </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">your secondary offensive weapon can be used. Beauty in simplicity folks. Strategy comes into play with the sub-weapon as unlike the mandatory dagger grab in </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Ghosts N' Goblins, the dagger here sucks more shit than a colonic after a drunken Taco Cabana escapade. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbi33r9zELDdMcCT33MyEsgID6yeX4cnWehBvvJr1Q5hbiWoCPj8-oeQf4OSziNRQNR7RpIIFZEH2olnHGPfpcl0DTJEdP2aLLKAJ3jbnyQx7CR7TjmsLERTheYaT2f5LQq-JUCV7yGys1/s256/cvania6.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbi33r9zELDdMcCT33MyEsgID6yeX4cnWehBvvJr1Q5hbiWoCPj8-oeQf4OSziNRQNR7RpIIFZEH2olnHGPfpcl0DTJEdP2aLLKAJ3jbnyQx7CR7TjmsLERTheYaT2f5LQq-JUCV7yGys1/s400/cvania6.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Even Death takes a back seat to the Dark Prince. THAT is hardcore.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">At the end of each stage are the most memorable set of bosses the planet Earth had ever seen. I recall the playground conversations of ten year old innocence </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">crystal clear proclaiming that any game with Frankenstein and Dracula in it to be the best ever made. An homage to the Universal/Hammer movies of the 50's, </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">the only famous monsters from that era I can see missing are The Wolfman and King Kong. Ironically, Kong was already starring in his own Konami title that was </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">released exclusively in Japan. Even more ironically, they both ended up in the same crossover game Konami Wai Wai World along with Mikey from The Goonies and Moai! Wai Wai was a beyond bizarre fan service that I will </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">definately dive into one day. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTPu2sU4zu_umI9l1oeyNrHQNtbIN9YJwqdeYL42pjjk7572AZpsksmjX5v4UxNNCThVXswdUAomkuoTgeILvc2L_8AeYC2qAWJwV-HEgoauhDJWhvUOnMaFGFAies2E__v4j3kX6wiMt/s1024/Jennifer-Connelly-6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglTPu2sU4zu_umI9l1oeyNrHQNtbIN9YJwqdeYL42pjjk7572AZpsksmjX5v4UxNNCThVXswdUAomkuoTgeILvc2L_8AeYC2qAWJwV-HEgoauhDJWhvUOnMaFGFAies2E__v4j3kX6wiMt/s320/Jennifer-Connelly-6.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">No exaggeration down below. One thousand of THESE.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Onto the legendary status of the game, the challenge. Is Castlevania really as hard as people claim it is? Allow me to put it in as simple a way as possible. </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">You could lock me in an large warehouse that is fully stocked with one thousand Jennifer Connelly clones, all stark naked and vigorously making out with each </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">other and this game is STILL harder than I would EVER be. This cart may as well have been enclosed inside the cover of the fucking Necronomicon. One section </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">of stage five in particular stands out with a combination of Axe Knights and Medusa Heads that would've even made Gandhi lose his shit. If the Grim Reaper </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">doesn't make you become the second coming of Sam Kinison, Dracula himself is going to make you create strings of curse words that sound like a Twista rap. </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The Count waits passively at the top of his tower, presumably drinking coffee and calmly checking his Twitter while sending his minions after Simon. After </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">his first form is defeated and his noggin shoots towards the stars like Babe Ruth knocked it off, he becomes a mix of the Wampa from Star Wars with an albino bat on PCP and if you're not </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">chucking the boomerang with the triple shot, put the controller down and fix a drink, you're fucked.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix40pY2wbrx0JctCCoRJvPjkI9B9ilb2HdXkopa6VmvZLN4wKKB3Lf09_FYKB1lfLcdvU5xJ-ggCZY1B93xtoi7jsczbX3BnAr6n-DTzaZr1GcmlLlnzB_pEnKa9pPgYFzPmNBzbkjzniW/s320/draculagaryoldman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix40pY2wbrx0JctCCoRJvPjkI9B9ilb2HdXkopa6VmvZLN4wKKB3Lf09_FYKB1lfLcdvU5xJ-ggCZY1B93xtoi7jsczbX3BnAr6n-DTzaZr1GcmlLlnzB_pEnKa9pPgYFzPmNBzbkjzniW/s400/draculagaryoldman.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">"NOW he makes it to the top? Cockblocking pantsless sack of shit!!!"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">10/10 An 8-bit orgasm of massive proportions. I honestly busted my ass to find a flaw in this game and all I have is the unforgiving difficulty, which was par </span></span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">for the course in ye olde days. "NES Hard" isn't a myth as Castlevania was one of those titles that turned boys into men and girls into women. Graphics that </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">pushed the limits of the hardware, music that haunts to this very day, and a challenge that is among the greatest out there have earned it the rare full </span><span style="background-color: black; color: white;">monty. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hand the Captain N Simon Belmont a towel...</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">One minute he is Dracula and the next...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcsBJMvwSIyo0XUblaJeTGDA04bBPEjV2LIqivMidyNIlm7S5w_qR2Qdk8pF521K8cDabkdVggaNQzETTmV7qwVqU4DPUb0V6mBG61yH50QZqguilSYupRhSku7_xBysoY3xbgVYD0Gdw8/s256/cvania8.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcsBJMvwSIyo0XUblaJeTGDA04bBPEjV2LIqivMidyNIlm7S5w_qR2Qdk8pF521K8cDabkdVggaNQzETTmV7qwVqU4DPUb0V6mBG61yH50QZqguilSYupRhSku7_xBysoY3xbgVYD0Gdw8/s400/cvania8.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">WAMPABAT~!~!~!!!</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-45930474164654577422013-06-12T07:02:00.000-07:002013-06-12T07:02:13.211-07:00Side-Quest - Abobo's Big Adventure<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><br /></span></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcNzXpI1XaedAsKJp9BKvywt2_8Q-Wtznico6PDm6P-_-dcIY8Pz36dEguye7bUwqsZvl-fsOgWjb1YeEBwkGP5BMuFAalzPBo9U7AgU0s5UvteTmb0ASj4PSznPUAMLk42cEbpLLLYgo/s1600/abobo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVcNzXpI1XaedAsKJp9BKvywt2_8Q-Wtznico6PDm6P-_-dcIY8Pz36dEguye7bUwqsZvl-fsOgWjb1YeEBwkGP5BMuFAalzPBo9U7AgU0s5UvteTmb0ASj4PSznPUAMLk42cEbpLLLYgo/s320/abobo1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Abobo's Big Adventure, January 2012, I-Mockery/PestoForce/Pox Box)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">What better way to spend a lazy afternoon is there than with a labor of love crafted by a team of die hard Nintendo junkies that half the world hasn't played yet and the other half is still picking up pieces of brain matter off the floor after experiencing it? Without a doubt, the greatest homage ever to grace our computer monitors, this "side-quest" isn't just any mission, oh fuck no, THIS is Abobo's Big Adventure.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUH_QYQ4trknB00xnrgkL3TYDQeZVRBOt8q5jghniX5cDNOaeobliIbpgqVvRX01ZcnjeRFO-JwetK5uFfJeuu9HpXJoOlnlybbgUNE1DjGKQm4fn0_Eg_P3GkoQHEZaUGT3hyphenhyphenB84diZXd/s1600/abobo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUH_QYQ4trknB00xnrgkL3TYDQeZVRBOt8q5jghniX5cDNOaeobliIbpgqVvRX01ZcnjeRFO-JwetK5uFfJeuu9HpXJoOlnlybbgUNE1DjGKQm4fn0_Eg_P3GkoQHEZaUGT3hyphenhyphenB84diZXd/s320/abobo1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">I would send the cutest kitten ever to grace the planet Earth screaming over the Grand Canyon to have this in my living room. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Abobo's Big Adventure was first developed as far back as 2002 by I-Mockery founder Roger Barr, a true NEShead in every possible sense of the word. Side-projects and other ventures caused the games production to come to a halt until around 2006 when Barr, “Pestoforce”, and "Pox" restarted the project from scratch, wishing it to feel like more of an 8-bit game than the previous attempt. The team went through the formidable task (I'd know!) of playing through the majority of the NES library and jotting down a mind-staggering amount of characters they felt deserved inclusion in the game from household names like Donkey Kong and Little Mac down to the unsung heroes of the era such as Kid Niki and Clash At Demonhead's Tom Guycott(!). Debuting the first levels at 2009's SDCC, word of mouth of this insane little game-that-could spread like herpes on a batch of Hulkamania "vitamins". After a few years of lugging a custom-made arcade cabinet around the country to keep the momentum going as well as being friendly, approachable dudes, (I'm looking at YOU Phil Fish), Abobo's Big Adventure was unleashed on the world in its flash form on January 11, 2012 and after awhile was available for free download to both PC and Macs. Enough of this chatty shit, let's get to the meaty part of this 8-bit taco shall we?</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7dXRAE1vrWCU6dU-1kTPclRfFRPZ7-zrKAYg-LZKc4EbMgyedNw6ef1-JS8PWp0DPU7sTwKsRvPATIJCBURQ2T4a2_JGVBoUFP6FN0JKLdj1L1v9HCClVX6KlLx9BHUZTe_zoi0qF74mv/s1600/abobo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7dXRAE1vrWCU6dU-1kTPclRfFRPZ7-zrKAYg-LZKc4EbMgyedNw6ef1-JS8PWp0DPU7sTwKsRvPATIJCBURQ2T4a2_JGVBoUFP6FN0JKLdj1L1v9HCClVX6KlLx9BHUZTe_zoi0qF74mv/s1600/abobo1.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">"You rang?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Right out of the gate, the title screen clues you in that this is going to be a one-of-a-kind experience starring all our old friends we hold places in our hearts for and have missed over the years. Hearing the familiar Megaman 2 theme as the screen scrolls up the Statue of Liberty to reveal our hero will cause anyone who lived through the era to wax nostalgic automatically. For the uninitiated, Abobo was the one motherfucker in Double Dragon you did NOT want to run into. There are white, black, and even green varieties of this monstrosity and the only way I could ever figure out how to beat the unholy bastard was by jump kicking him 15 times. Yes, to this day I remember precisely how many boots to the face it took. World 3 of Double Dragon turned many a' boy to man when two of these terrfying stuffed sacks of moustachioed muscle tore through a rock wall and commenced to whoopin' that ass but good.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2IbnR_EVJuor5J-DmspMZTJNFFfSZ96rTKZ3icAwvmeL1TJhMNavUCp5suxMec99EjkLxoi2PjdzfqgCXXXT9ZC3nwIYFbj3TIPXOtZU4kDYii7-5xVpJnEpISDgoeRZWek-gDnlbhqsy/s1600/abobo1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2IbnR_EVJuor5J-DmspMZTJNFFfSZ96rTKZ3icAwvmeL1TJhMNavUCp5suxMec99EjkLxoi2PjdzfqgCXXXT9ZC3nwIYFbj3TIPXOtZU4kDYii7-5xVpJnEpISDgoeRZWek-gDnlbhqsy/s320/abobo1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">The precise moment in DD where you realize you're totally fucked.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Upon pressing start, the scenario of the game is presented as only awesome 8-bit storytelling could pull off, a vibrant little cutscene informing us of everything we need to know going in. The offspring of our protagonist, Aboboy has been kidnapped and Abobo is so pissed about it that he annihilates a small kitten before you can even control him. This sets the tone for the copius amounts of blood on top of the dark humor liberally spread throughout this epic journey.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyF9KFpp1GWbwJ69s3oKyyuA5ywy7rhZZAWeq5WChGKYeLXBGMjFXkZ763opQhW6ufrr6mzKtFbFoEGCGRDf-Y0D8wmC8HBDDWiHuyN6bxIK3UbWhO01_rRfekoJNgFzTkst1DVzGlfd47/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyF9KFpp1GWbwJ69s3oKyyuA5ywy7rhZZAWeq5WChGKYeLXBGMjFXkZ763opQhW6ufrr6mzKtFbFoEGCGRDf-Y0D8wmC8HBDDWiHuyN6bxIK3UbWhO01_rRfekoJNgFzTkst1DVzGlfd47/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">This could be the only mode in the game, and this scene alone would put it near my Games of the Year. I've waited over 20 years to rip this worthless excuse of a fighter to shreds.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Eight levels are present throughout, each a spot-on mock-up of a different retro game filled to the brim with more NES characters than could ever be listed. No matter how obscure and unknown a title, I promise you there is someone from your personal favorite nostalgic little grey cart buried in there somewhere. To mention every single cameo in this game would require a list longer than sports stars that have penetrated Kardashian twat, so suffice it to say, they are here.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9_zv1obp6eJ_388s0koHGiezZVJmEfHpfugVWnmSNDUiwAjcGnH4jYTqvqreq76oEhzfEy6iKsN6IA_9cWEdB3Q5JHwfYzZVsfD7WK9QlKVEqoVjyyop7tW5sGymn52fNfip65QPCJ9qv/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9_zv1obp6eJ_388s0koHGiezZVJmEfHpfugVWnmSNDUiwAjcGnH4jYTqvqreq76oEhzfEy6iKsN6IA_9cWEdB3Q5JHwfYzZVsfD7WK9QlKVEqoVjyyop7tW5sGymn52fNfip65QPCJ9qv/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">If this is surreal enough to make you triple-take it, the ENTIRE game is like this. It's virtually a playable who's who of the 8-bit dynasty.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The graphics are perfectly represent for the games parodied and even more impressive, the controls are DEAD ON. If you replaced the real Balloon Fighter in his original game with Abobo, it would without question feel exactly the same. It is a testament to the passion the development team had for the source material to have emulated it to this degree. Sound effects are just as incredible and sharp-eared retro fanatics will wear a permanent grin at the little touches they put in ranging from Soda Popinski's laughter to the Excitebiker's revving engines. The toughy to rate here is the challenge as it all depends on how much you played the originals they were based on. If you are a Punch-Out enthusiast like myself who has easily thrown down hundreds of hours dodging and counter-punching, the end sequence may not prove so taxing but if you never spent one minute inside Little Mac's shoes back in the day, I can understand why that stage would just destroy any novice with the quickness.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-MeDM1JhGutCLAHzKXqZAwIUj6Jj9hqE5tD5wM47Y-sNv08-PlqvU38FI6JFtro3kVx6HjLNZkPzXGrxUV83_Bb18XecxIMbCl6jyjYCSM_6DVFRJwxeKIPXMazuyMPrlz134R6OAgde/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-MeDM1JhGutCLAHzKXqZAwIUj6Jj9hqE5tD5wM47Y-sNv08-PlqvU38FI6JFtro3kVx6HjLNZkPzXGrxUV83_Bb18XecxIMbCl6jyjYCSM_6DVFRJwxeKIPXMazuyMPrlz134R6OAgde/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">God of War II's Colossus of Rhodes be damned! THIS is the definition of an epic battle!!!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">If that wasn't enough to sell anyone reading to download this about five lines ago, Abobo's Big Adventure is the funniest game of its kind you'll ever have the pleasure to play. From getting to seperate the Urban Champion's head from his torso Mortal Kombat style, Amazon of Pro Wrestling fame taunting you Handsome Jack style through an entire level, or the greatest ending scene a game has ever sported, the laugh out loud moments are as non-stop and rapid-fire as Team Abobo could've possibly thrown them in. Cutscenes are hellacious romps through 8-bit memories and it wasn't above the creators to toss a little non-NES humor around as well. They fuckin' owned me with the Johnny 5 is alive line and that's just one of a butt-sack of tremendous gags.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqtLgwsljkZ6btHvxo8MU-uV0Q-FKzDazwyOg7OITQxT5qnbEla2q5gvrJ7FxzZqGy8Xj53a_QsAl4CkrjsUvzEdxrQp6mqZtiq6KdGztFMmbYwkKdLCH_fqEct_LDCR4XJ0X0_YFLoGNY/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqtLgwsljkZ6btHvxo8MU-uV0Q-FKzDazwyOg7OITQxT5qnbEla2q5gvrJ7FxzZqGy8Xj53a_QsAl4CkrjsUvzEdxrQp6mqZtiq6KdGztFMmbYwkKdLCH_fqEct_LDCR4XJ0X0_YFLoGNY/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">Words escape me for how awesome these non-stop moments become. Even if stricken with Alzheimer's to the point of forgetting my own name, I'm sure I'll be able to recall Abobo vs Donkey Kong.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The crowning achievement of this magnum opus is the replayability. Every new playthrough will come moments that weren't noticed on previous conquerings. I've beaten this more times than Lohan has been in court this year, but never fail to catch new things, For example when playing the real Contra, I avoid the "L" power-up like Perez Hilton avoids pussy, but picked it up accidentally only to find the fucker fired LEMMINGS across the screen. It's those magic moments that make this the cream of the crop and the measuring stick that retro themed titles that followed only wish they could pull off. Medals are even thrown in the mix for the current gen feel of trophies or achievements and getting them all becomes the most exciting war of attrition between you and your PC controller you'll have for a long time. I found this part of the replayability factor so valuable that if Raptr ever synced itself to emulators and needed someone to come up with achievements for every NES title in the library, I wanna be the guy! #seewhatididthere</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Y8pf1-d-OUaTRI4YSwgl7vKT3DkGk-IO1GfNG1Xw65oiATfr7oU1QREir53cMCo4gbLvKu3IJXUBSmVoOLJwS4ie183xiDpjxf4dtu5AwBUce43RyzYCrHBibTHPgpqBdpk8RW3AE2KP/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Y8pf1-d-OUaTRI4YSwgl7vKT3DkGk-IO1GfNG1Xw65oiATfr7oU1QREir53cMCo4gbLvKu3IJXUBSmVoOLJwS4ie183xiDpjxf4dtu5AwBUce43RyzYCrHBibTHPgpqBdpk8RW3AE2KP/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">No pink hoodie bullshit here, Abobo trains like a MAN.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">10/10 Don't rub your eyes or rush to come down off of whatever hallucinogen you may have taken this morning with your coffee, that is the fabled perfect score that only Metroid and Super Mario Bros have received since I began reviewing. As a game, Abobo's Big Adventure is nearly perfect. As a love-in for The Big N, it surpasses anything you've ever seen before or since. If you've never taken the time to marvel at this jewel of a game, put down the Blops2, Halo, and Mass Effect for a day and prepare to have your brain blown right through your ass. The bar has been set and it would take a modern day miracle for anyone else to come close. Abobo's Big Adventure deserves to go down as one of the greatest games in any decade, any genre, and on any system.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8UrBqbz4Brs3o20LO0CfZg4n9T89cayXWeKoLMHzvUPoLjp2Ihyphenhyphen15u7W7nL7xIj30klKRQfWtVHAk8KP7rsNgTwlEoXOLL39An1As6NjC9Dy_ml8ZfJG-kTNxbZ5SeICpczeBSCTkmRv1/s1600/abobo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8UrBqbz4Brs3o20LO0CfZg4n9T89cayXWeKoLMHzvUPoLjp2Ihyphenhyphen15u7W7nL7xIj30klKRQfWtVHAk8KP7rsNgTwlEoXOLL39An1As6NjC9Dy_ml8ZfJG-kTNxbZ5SeICpczeBSCTkmRv1/s320/abobo.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: #f6b26b;">If you make it to this screen, get your seatbelts locked and prepare for the ride of your fucking life.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Oh, and by the way, if you're light on cash or have no way to the game store, it's FREE!!! NO EXCUSES!!! </span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-27123314208947266762013-04-24T09:52:00.000-07:002013-04-24T09:52:23.394-07:00SNESquest - Actraiser<div class="body">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEfQABGr_5AKbUv26XKYje2TCQEhGi-0MP2UCH6E_Tkm1l1vhK5ohcMIBF6rSX-9YhGD3qKcgAYeWZMHyA6iaIFQUGdwEhv6_uUjPhyphenhyphenfbBRlkQ2KqULK_TXIJ3v7y6-DyA4Gq_iLckMk59/s1600/actraiser.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" lwa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEfQABGr_5AKbUv26XKYje2TCQEhGi-0MP2UCH6E_Tkm1l1vhK5ohcMIBF6rSX-9YhGD3qKcgAYeWZMHyA6iaIFQUGdwEhv6_uUjPhyphenhyphenfbBRlkQ2KqULK_TXIJ3v7y6-DyA4Gq_iLckMk59/s320/actraiser.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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(Actraiser, 1990, Enix)</div>
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(My pick for Review A Great Game Day awhile back. Special thanks to Eric Bailey for helping me with the confidence to do it again.)<br />
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As much as I cavetch about horrendous games and throw virtual rotten tomatoes ad nauseum, today, I'm going to share with you cats and kittens one of NESquester's favorite titles that I never have had the chance to speak of before, Actraiser.<br />
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Many moons before the amalgamation of genres we see today such as Borderlands and Mass Effect, Actraiser was a pioneer in the genre-mashups. One part overhead simulation, one part action game that has made many an expert's hands sweat, Actraiser was one of the earliest SNES titles and being the huge Square & Enix (to the kiddies in school, at one time, they were as different as Microsoft and Sony) fan I was, bought it on a whim and every penny and then some has gotten its mileage.<br />
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It is so hard to discuss the magnum opus of Enix action games in <nobr><a class="FAtxtL" href="http://reviewagreatgameday.com/reviews/36#" id="FALINK_1_0_0"><span style="color: #f35b00;">short form</span></a></nobr> as there is no doubt this could hit 5 pages before I realize it. What do you wish you know about? The graphics? For 1991 and even quite a bit beyond, from the lush planetscapes, the unforgettable crystal dragon, to the final boss battle, the graphics are flawless. How about the sound? Oh, baby, how about it! This soundtrack is one of the greatest on any system, any year, any day of the week. It legitly sounds as if they snuck a tiny orchestra in each cart, it is THAT tremendous. Is it any fun? Actraiser boasts one of the highest replayability scores in history. Once a year without fail, I strap on my blue winged helmet, grab my trusty heaven sword, and get to whipping on some Tanzra booty. Another wonderful part is between the <nobr><a class="FAtxtL" href="http://reviewagreatgameday.com/reviews/36#" id="FALINK_3_0_2"><span style="color: #f35b00;">sim</span></a></nobr> and action sequences, neither of them feels too long so you don't spend the action sequences muttering, "Okay, enough of this crap, time for the sim," and vice versa. Lastly, the story. Magnificent. Your character is basically God (I didn't make the game folks), who brings an angel with him to help make the world a better place for people. The emotional attachments you'll gain for a lost, hungry boy named Teddy and a disease ravaged man you send rain down to "cry for" are moments that will stick with you for a lifetime. The angel communicates and explains to the confused deity as the story goes why the humans are doing certain things and acting certain ways like causing wars and the like. A truly touching and fascinating game from a human <nobr><a class="FAtxtL" href="http://reviewagreatgameday.com/reviews/36#" id="FALINK_2_0_1"><span style="color: #f35b00;">emotion</span></a></nobr> perspective and beautifully written.<br />
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Actraiser was a spiritual successor to another lauded Enix title, Soul Blazer, which had its own sequels. Actraiser 2 was released a few years later but without the simulation sections and an even more ramped up difficulty, paled in comparison to its original. If you've never played Actraiser, by all means, make it a point to play it at least once and you'll be rewarded with a very challenging, thought-provoking, true gem of a game.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-23095894822141448292013-04-24T07:47:00.003-07:002013-04-24T08:55:30.265-07:00NESquest - Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjza4ly1ApzD_cbSS5Is_tr5VH9Ix01qtfuhUVav9pFoQyb5Gfq69hpQtbsM3YXCSnTo9aSanQBdn7DPnw4ywCzUUJ_uOpugfncDUEJWxLeR1hbQZg7s1lsMhMjbbLjsO9ffPZUIIYE8KhX/s1600/po1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" lwa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjza4ly1ApzD_cbSS5Is_tr5VH9Ix01qtfuhUVav9pFoQyb5Gfq69hpQtbsM3YXCSnTo9aSanQBdn7DPnw4ywCzUUJ_uOpugfncDUEJWxLeR1hbQZg7s1lsMhMjbbLjsO9ffPZUIIYE8KhX/s320/po1.jpg" width="220" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!, Nintendo, October 1987)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(An unpublished work for Retrocade that was finished awhile back as a 'fan appreciation' review but shortened due to page limits. One of my top 10 favorite games of my life and one of the few reviews typed off the top of my head with zero note needed. I hope you cats dig it.)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br />Long before his trademark facial tattoo, memorable cameos in comedic flicks, and going public with his penchant for cannabalism, Mike Tyson was not only the undisputed champ of the boxing world, but the bane of everyone who went against him in 8-bit land. Spinning off from two earlier arcade hits, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! is such a timeless classic that if you know of anyone who hasn't played it, e-mail me and we'll see about gathering up your oblivious pal, a sturdy chair, strong rope or wire, and a NES.<br /><br />The game introduces us to an assuming, young up and comer named Little Mac, who appears to be the offspring of Ralph Macchio and Olive Oyl. Accompanied by his trainer, Doc Louis, this poor play on words of a delicious McDonalds stalwart decides the only way that he is going to become the best in the world is to take on boxers roughly six times his size. The journey from his first fight to the showdown with "Kid Dynamite" Mike Tyson is nothing short of a complete blast.<br /><br />Mac is given three rounds each bout to dispatch a pre-arranged set of foes on his quest to three titles, Minor, Major, and World. In the same vein as Batman, it is the rogues gallery that truly steals the show. By far the most massive sprites the NES had seen to that point, truly giving each character that Mac faces off with an unforgettable amount of character and expression. Being 1987, there are quite a few stereotypes brought to the forefront that will make you wonder if the game would be deemed racist if released today but, hey, these were different times and as a kid can honestly say that I never wondered whether Great Tiger was hindu or muslim, he was simply Great Fucking Tiger.<br /><br />A health bar is present as well as meters for stars and hearts. Each fight begins with a preset number of hearts and you lose one for a successful block and three if your opponent lands a shot. If the heart count hits zero, Mac flickers pink with fatigue and is unable to throw a punch until dodging a few punches and turning normal again. The stars represent the number of Super Uppercuts in his arsenal, Mac's special move that is thrown by pressing start. Gaining the stars can be tricky and require getting in hits at precise moments that take a bit of practice to reveal. This in itself lends to the tremendous amount of replayability that Punch-Out!! offers as I have personally played this esteemed title for 25 years and will still uncover new tricks and strategies.<br /><br />Gameplay is a fun little mix of reflex and pattern recognition. First timers may be able to button mash their way past Glass Joe but will be shocked to find that Von Kaiser will shove those same blueprints right up their ass. This game is about timing and finesse and without either, be ready to spend alot of time kissing canvas. The balance in Punch-Out!!'s challenge is astounding as each fight gradually depends on that much more skill to advance. As a youngling in elementary when it was released, I can say that this was the first legend of the playground and can't remember trading tips nearly as much with any other game prior. Before Nintendo Power, there were just hive collectives of young boys who traded off the timing needed to twart Bald Bull or the blocking to counter the Macho Tornado Punch. Ah, simpler times.<br /><br />Between rounds, Doc Louis gives advice and does what he can to keep Little Mac warmed up. To anyone who may find a rotund older gentleman suggestively rubbing a seventeen year old's tiny shoulder, it's shitloads better than the blatant blowjobs in between rounds of Ring King. I'm not joking, go play a round of it. Doc's tidbits can range from the useless to world-changing as I'd never have known about the Don Flamenco one-two trick if I didn't pay attention to my trainer. These interludes are the only time you're not treated to the game's tunes, which by the way are exceptional.<br /><br />As for Mr. Tyson himself, think boxing's equivalent to Darth Vader. No matter who you are or what you've done, you're are utterly screwed the first hundred or so times you face him. The only way Little Mac can recoup any money is by advertising sponsors on the bottoms of his boots because within two seconds, Tyson is throwing lightning fast uppercuts that put you on your ass if they so much as graze you. Last ninety seconds of this legendary barrage of badass and things get only slightly easier. As with all things in life thought to be impossible, Tyson can be conquered with enough resolve and patience to learn the patterns he presents. Take my word for it, if you get your hand raised against this titan of the NES, that rare feeling of extreme accomplishment that will wash over you is worth every KO endured to get there. The mark of a masterpiece.<br /><br />Grade: A</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-77145776032219031682013-04-24T07:25:00.000-07:002013-04-24T07:25:11.675-07:00NESquest - Elevator Action<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIuYNVSE38IrDlsUePT6Wn_YTzZyMD5gulxrg3Bv7MRB9ygnd6tLT4g4cTMquTp7QmJu-ERl5uma5oak-RLj30E3Ly2w3t_FXDvyf_6g-8EzKJv6BOZt292_ORcRkFwgW3tiL-t5Ukj4EL/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIuYNVSE38IrDlsUePT6Wn_YTzZyMD5gulxrg3Bv7MRB9ygnd6tLT4g4cTMquTp7QmJu-ERl5uma5oak-RLj30E3Ly2w3t_FXDvyf_6g-8EzKJv6BOZt292_ORcRkFwgW3tiL-t5Ukj4EL/s320/1.jpg" width="223" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Elevator Action, Taito, August 1987)</span><br />
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: x-large;">BACK. FOR. GOOD.</span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Have you ever heard whispers of a legendary game out there that you've never played? One day, the moment of truth arrives, you procure a copy of what is sure to be a masterpiece in your collection for years to come, pop that sucker in and get to work. Sometimes, it can be pure magic akin to scoring with that legendary hottest woman in the club. Other times, it can feel something like said hottie in your bed revealing that she has a much larger dick than you do.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><br /> </span><br />
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Originally released by Taito in 1983, the arcade port of Elevator Action didn't hit the Nintendo Entertainment System until August of 1987. The gist of this little gray square of dookie is that a master spy/secret agent/badass named Otto aka Agent 17 must infiltrate 30 floor towers built by rich eccentrics with a penchant for elevators and escalators and grab secret documents while avoiding a ton of Judge Doom lookalikes. For such a master infiltrator, I find it hilarious that we all know his real name in addition to the fact that Otto is the only person in the game not dressed in all black.<br />
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What makes this a festivity of feces you may wonder? Let's start with the fact that Taito had two years to master the quirks of NES programming and the absolute best they could muster was a game that harkens back to the Atari 2600 in terms of quality. As all of us fellow retro fanatics are aware of, graphics never make or break the fun and replayability of a game but during a time when gaming was trying to evolve, there was no excuse for the graphics to be this poorly executed in the very same month that saw the debut of Metroid and The Legend of Zelda.<br />
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Surely with eye-candy that could be the NES version of "Plan 9 From Outer Space", the controls couldn't be as awful right? Wrong, they are SPECTACULARLY awful. Otto jumps in a motion so choppy that it forced me to recall the days when the internet would stream video via dial-up though Windows Media Player 1.0. As if the poor guy's dignity wasn't already shattered enough, when he does slowly "jump" he throws his ass rather invitingly in the air. Mix that in with the way he vigorously humps the rope as he enters the building and we have ourselves a not-so-subtle cocktail from programmers who may have been more bent on alternate lifestyle humor than, you know, making an actual playyable game to take pride in.<br />
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While riding down the abundant elevators and escalators, baddies are trying to make life difficult, but there are a few ways to fight back. A straight out gunfight is preferrable once you get past the idiocy where you can't crouch inside elevators and must press up again to stand if ducking to fire. Other mechanics can be utilized such as trapping them under the elevators (strangely causing them to die Pac-Man style) or shooting a light fixture to land on the enemy's head. No lie, I spent an hour trying to land a light on an antagonist's noggin to no avail, so I wouldn't recommended it. The main goal as you traverse the bizarre buildings is to enter every red door you see and snatch up secret documents. Miss a single briefcase and when you hit the ground floor, the game really sticks it in and breaks it off sans lube by shitting you right back to the very top to go through 8-bit hades all over again.<br />
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Enemy A.I. is somewhere between the Keystone Cops and Three Stooges in terms of acumen and the only time they seem to have any wherewithal is if you linger in a stage too long. It would be infinitely more exciting if they started out from the get-go by going batshit as you can go through half the building before seeing that "action" thingy mentioned in the title. Make it to the bottom and Otto rides off in what appears to be a child's first big plastic car and rides off to the next building. We don't even need to go over the sound as there is one song on a 7 second loop the entire time that will make you dive for your My Music folder before sterility kicks in. Effects are just as hideous and are the worst on the NEs since the fabled Action 52 cart. Marvel as your NES spits out bleeps and blips that even our friend the 2600's sound chip would've been embarrassed about.<br />
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With such tremendous ports already made for the system such as 1942, Gradius, and Popeye, this felt like an unlicensed cart. Lazy, uninspired, and a mockery of the not-so-bad original arcade game.<br />
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Grade: F<br />
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<span style="color: lime;">(No, I'm not changing the format of the reviews. This is my work from Retrocade Magazine Vol.2, Issue 1 in its unedited full form. Today will be a collection of work done outside the site before the new material drops. I know alot of you haven't seen this and I think it is one of my best so enjoy!)</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-35240863174939051862013-01-14T16:45:00.003-08:002013-01-14T16:45:26.898-08:00SIDE-QUEST - The Misadventures of Flink<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQA2XZ4BbS5byTUOUdpkoL52VpdLlmuC4mqm06hVYEDncJAq4fpcA-vdZTQXoKGD-T79YGeax1gPF6xf-jgnoRUYYFLkF91-IQxI7PT8m78hpuXXYvAtxflfYQnAcKvmD6TLssgrfp-B4l/s1600/FLINK1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQA2XZ4BbS5byTUOUdpkoL52VpdLlmuC4mqm06hVYEDncJAq4fpcA-vdZTQXoKGD-T79YGeax1gPF6xf-jgnoRUYYFLkF91-IQxI7PT8m78hpuXXYvAtxflfYQnAcKvmD6TLssgrfp-B4l/s320/FLINK1.jpg" width="237" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Flink, 1994, Psynosis)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Welcome to Bizarro Land ladies and germs! Today we take a giant outside the normal love-in for The Big N and go as far in the other direction as we possibly could go. That's right, I feel like as awkward as a Vogue model inside of a Golden Corral buffet but the challenge was presented to review a Genesis game and I never pass up a challenge. Time to roll up the proverbial sleeves and get cracking with a quirky little gem, The Misadventures of Flink.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8VqOKYaKreEr7-hJmYWakz1mP8ZAoMRndrBTxFYkJD4pPZ5FrT_EwhVlv3BINmxhn4SJaeQZcFqy_jwESgG_QliQvPiQl8jr70kGTVb4n0wtnDjuvqsv6CAdlCGPgpIf5LL1PXON0nZ6y/s1600/FLINK2.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8VqOKYaKreEr7-hJmYWakz1mP8ZAoMRndrBTxFYkJD4pPZ5FrT_EwhVlv3BINmxhn4SJaeQZcFqy_jwESgG_QliQvPiQl8jr70kGTVb4n0wtnDjuvqsv6CAdlCGPgpIf5LL1PXON0nZ6y/s400/FLINK2.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">PUMBAA STAMPEDE~!~!~!!!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Released in 1994 by Psygnosis(currently SCE Studio Liverpool), Flink was brought to us by the same team that developed the cult hit platformers Wiz 'n' Liz and Lionheart and the influence shows. While the Sega CD version was released worldwide, we in the States never got the Genesis port. It certainly isn't the easiest game to find and a used copy can command up to $60 on Ebay. That being said, let's gather around by the fireplace and go over why my never having played this game is a damned shame shall we?</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlAapfUKCrEjWlZ45LYwQoGdliLTe-RZO49PVjwsTWuyTbYkooNBVSqQCHO92OlllU1pVnr1lgaElK8uJ6PB2fhEvfpvckzhqJ9Dn8EB0Oa3Np7FikGn-xvrIMHEgNS9oUXDTFtNP0o2s2/s1600/FLINK3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlAapfUKCrEjWlZ45LYwQoGdliLTe-RZO49PVjwsTWuyTbYkooNBVSqQCHO92OlllU1pVnr1lgaElK8uJ6PB2fhEvfpvckzhqJ9Dn8EB0Oa3Np7FikGn-xvrIMHEgNS9oUXDTFtNP0o2s2/s320/FLINK3.jpg" width="278" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">"I can barely ride a bike and you want me to take on a fucking WIZARD?!?!?!"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">After a rather annoying and unskippable intro, the game introduces you to the vibrant world of Imagica, where that Canadian-American Wainwright dude that sings horrible shit like "Going To A Town" and "I Don't Know What It Is" apparently kidnapped four esteemed wizards and trapped them inside crystals strewn across the land. One could sit and ponder how four Gandalf-level badasses were tricked by one skinny singer who left his manhood behind a long time ago into a trap but it won't change the game's storyline whatsoever, so don't waste time. The evil mofo of Imagica is actually named Wicked Wainwright and by capturing the Yodas of the world, broke a seal where evil demons were kept, thus insuring he would have an easier time ruling the land. What he didn't count on was an unassuming apprentice named Flink stepping up and growing a set of truck-sized balls to save the day. Normally, I'd dog the protagonist if he had a bowl cut and looked like the kid from the old television show Eight Is Enough, but the fact that he is a young understudy who has spent most of his life exclusively pouring through magic books and not seeing much of the world, Flink has a bit of a wide-eyed charm to him. The premise is simple enough, release your masters from the crystals and the door to Wainwright's lair opens for a final showdown with evil.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Qh3ZOk6Jvpn-5PzuWs_u4GCPbnMJsh_4PwryFgbIpaYu3xF4Uj0UiUHNGJ86IxhFo-lf5zfrg5kcHH-0kQ_3DDpDLrODTOpPloOybgCZ-UCzxtk7ZNSYwIMBXwshxdd5vrDaDLNS8DdY/s1600/FLINK4.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Qh3ZOk6Jvpn-5PzuWs_u4GCPbnMJsh_4PwryFgbIpaYu3xF4Uj0UiUHNGJ86IxhFo-lf5zfrg5kcHH-0kQ_3DDpDLrODTOpPloOybgCZ-UCzxtk7ZNSYwIMBXwshxdd5vrDaDLNS8DdY/s400/FLINK4.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">How can I not adore a game where I have to hop onto a dude's exposed brain to beat him?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Now for the meat of the taco, the game itself. It starts as a run of the mill platformer, using the tried and true method of hopping off of the heads of the bad guys to dispose of them. Right off the bat, the presentation of Flink blew me away. The enemy sprites are fantastically large sprites complete with facial expressions and character. The levels themselves I also found spectacular for the time, which leads me to believe Psygnosis was a very graphic driven company. They could've simply thrown grass at the bottom of the forest stage but it comes complete with twigs, leaves, and the feeling of being surrounded by the ambience that comprises a forest. The backdrops as well were not skimped on as you'll find something different everytime you pause to take in the world of Imagica. At one point, I even found a tree in the background with a face, which deserves a gold star in itself. Stages are also tremendously designed as well, from a mine cart section straight out of Indiana Jones to a metaphysical sort of stretch that has to be played to be believed. The music can be repetetive at points but seeing as it is a port of a CD based title I can't give it too much shit with a clear conscience. After a bit, you find that there are quite a few ways to destroy everything in your path as Flink can pick up rocks, treasure chests, and even other enemies and fuck shit up on a fairly large scale with enough practice. No hit point meter or life bar is present so if you get hit, it is akin to Sonic in that your magic will fly out of you to be picked up all over again. Get touched with no magic in your meter and that's a life gone.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgizPfXA2NJvWy4qEGwaoLW-hCkfluFwPAtNAaDYfFqYU08SlCNQvjy29Z4X6w9VyqYU3WKlmyshq7Vk_dJpMlWtZxbwl_jjo9QqPD3R3-43VmXi6rEMGgTdd2D_H09Bec9ORE-TgBooB-4/s1600/FLINK5.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgizPfXA2NJvWy4qEGwaoLW-hCkfluFwPAtNAaDYfFqYU08SlCNQvjy29Z4X6w9VyqYU3WKlmyshq7Vk_dJpMlWtZxbwl_jjo9QqPD3R3-43VmXi6rEMGgTdd2D_H09Bec9ORE-TgBooB-4/s400/FLINK5.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Unless you have the memory of an elephant, have yourself some pen and paper handy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Magic you say? OH, DO I HAVE SOME KICKASS NEWS FOR YOU! For 1994, the use of magic in this game was nothing short of amazing. Don't expect Eye Of The Beholder level shit but for a platformer, it is unbelievable. Thirteen different ingredients are scattered across the land and it is up to Flink to figure out what combinations perform which action. Hint scrolls do a great job of pacing the learning period as you go about your travels so luckily you won't be using hours of trial and error like the alchemy pot in Dragon Quest VIII. A total of ten spells can be created with the results varying from offensive lightning bolts, shrinking, and creating a platform to cross gaps you may spend a few lives trying to jump before figuring out the shit wasn't happening. This was my favorite part of the game bar none as Flink is supposed to be an apprentice and having to learn as you go and really work at figuring out what spells to use in what situation certainly translates a feeling of a kid who may be in over his head magic-wise but by the end of it all, an Omega-level kickass wizard. Another intresting twist is the ability to go back to previous levels with spells you didn't have before and reach critical items that were impossible to obtain before. The only true gripes I have are the learning curve when it comes to jumping on the enemies and the fact that the game is longer than a horse cock with no saves or passwords. What I mean by the jumping mechanics is that when you land a hit on top on an enemy, you'll bounce off him in a manner that if not careful, will send you screaming off a cliff or into an endless chasm, so it takes quite awhile to get the hang of it all and even near the end, I had issues with having the world in the palm of my hand only to bounce like a jackass right into a lava pit.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDmyumeid1TScidhOAjH3sX-RVzsdlo7mZa_c2IITkoQBLMcwVIdeRbprQss_DEER94vQGBpMlXZZOpJSO5T79To4Nrb2FrIzoE9F77OJxy2DzWFa1NjL1fKAZxN-qVCTWDC5o6T8uHDy/s1600/FLINK6.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDmyumeid1TScidhOAjH3sX-RVzsdlo7mZa_c2IITkoQBLMcwVIdeRbprQss_DEER94vQGBpMlXZZOpJSO5T79To4Nrb2FrIzoE9F77OJxy2DzWFa1NjL1fKAZxN-qVCTWDC5o6T8uHDy/s400/FLINK6.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">The "oh shit" look on his face when he first hops in the mine cart was a legit spit-take.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">9/10 I was skeptical when given this assignment as any Nintendo based reviewer would be because if I rate it too low, I'm just being a "fanboy" and if I rate it too high, I'm a traitor to The Big N. Plain and simple, I'm a gamer who can appreciate every color of the rainbow and thought Flink was a magnificent title deserving of alot more praise and recognition than it got. Innovative magic system, some of the best graphics of any 16-bit game and a mix of replayability and challenge that kept me coming back for more that a puppy that keeps being kicked away. Flink is the very definition of a hidden gem. </span></span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-21944566951333503842012-12-25T18:52:00.004-08:002012-12-25T18:52:54.422-08:00NPC - A.C.Sativa - Chiller/Baby Boomer & BONUS!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_-ILnP1RwjqI7RV1yKbfhzuN0c5JX988tFVbDfRFvs1FOZOWhGx1XlRHd6imX_iiguN5-QycnCLnWMLpsdKmT3E9PlHnLzAilC4njaEEOVCR9M50i27Z_tBeHjedciJvYrP27LKBdgsB/s1600/ac.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="60" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjy_-ILnP1RwjqI7RV1yKbfhzuN0c5JX988tFVbDfRFvs1FOZOWhGx1XlRHd6imX_iiguN5-QycnCLnWMLpsdKmT3E9PlHnLzAilC4njaEEOVCR9M50i27Z_tBeHjedciJvYrP27LKBdgsB/s400/ac.png" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">It's time for the review that's always packin' heat (Down where? Down HERE!), the Unlicensed NES Zapper Games!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD-OtfAY2ky0-2UtLucIL0CKDoFQdVg5nja9nqJc9NVvfdRr_FEc6T9epYF5u0GAq8oRrJ1p9OiyAaLCLcTcSA1FKpiVCRAB0SfEqRlIRY2EuHFzMkknWhqhACBzedjB48dpQkJoiEoVR_/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h20m42s65.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD-OtfAY2ky0-2UtLucIL0CKDoFQdVg5nja9nqJc9NVvfdRr_FEc6T9epYF5u0GAq8oRrJ1p9OiyAaLCLcTcSA1FKpiVCRAB0SfEqRlIRY2EuHFzMkknWhqhACBzedjB48dpQkJoiEoVR_/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h20m42s65.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">I'd NEED drugs to witness this scene first-hand. P.S. Yes, I beat this piece of whale nut.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Before I even get started, there's one thing I'm kicking myself over leaving out of the Wally Bear review: There was actually a number you could call that would let you hear about the evils of drugs. 1-800-HI-WALLY. "So what?" you're probably thinking... Well, this number was active until... wait for it... October of 2007! I'm not the first person to review the game and miss that, but I feel REALLY stupid about it, having done tons of research on the game, even calling the number (it's just a busy signal now), and still leaving it out of the review. No matter how many times you proofread something, as soon as it gets online, you just say "Fuck!" </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Break yo'self!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Back to serious business, Mike asked for Chiller, and markusman64ds from the Digital Press forum asked for Baby Boomer, and I figured that since they are the only 2 unlicensed Zapper games I'd just do them together. Plus, markusman gave me the idea that will end this piece, and will hopefully be a regular thing.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzigBcpCXnU9EEBQV5ZzAIl0HYEpzkV4jXKHbRpRLmmEQWN_tPsDjQ7Y9583t-hlYCa3nooLqBcmg6VKp-kudKybhnD4FbT0fIcAiYtnPuZUDIk0PbTPvjS-H12CwfoHScrT3B5oYxV-J/s1600/stock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLzigBcpCXnU9EEBQV5ZzAIl0HYEpzkV4jXKHbRpRLmmEQWN_tPsDjQ7Y9583t-hlYCa3nooLqBcmg6VKp-kudKybhnD4FbT0fIcAiYtnPuZUDIk0PbTPvjS-H12CwfoHScrT3B5oYxV-J/s1600/stock.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">"Mommy, what the fuck's an emulator?"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">I just want to point out something here real quick: I'm playing these games on Nestopia, by far and away the best NES emulator out there, using the "point-and-shoot" with the mouse instead of the actual Zapper. Even if I had copies of the games, I don't own a TV that works with my Zapper. It's just sitting in a box in my garage thinking "Fuck these new TVs, I still work (Tested him on my buddy's antiquated CRT TV when I bought him), they're the ones that suck…" Mr. Zapper might be lonely, but at least he can say he hasn't totally fucked up his life on coke and heroin like the rest of the 80's child stars. TMZ can suck his dick!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLYzLns5d1RUiI1-0YaxqFlJ62c5eNuBv-xxv0mNDwFGZLGgRD0b-hlfxA3EjhlMdlG1lCUrC7GG3bDikGEDF0ZftzBg2yFbq4kNcduj0vGdM_LBmqZDVjdd3LOMNS_hwbnA1EKq0Yp9gn/s1600/chiller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLYzLns5d1RUiI1-0YaxqFlJ62c5eNuBv-xxv0mNDwFGZLGgRD0b-hlfxA3EjhlMdlG1lCUrC7GG3bDikGEDF0ZftzBg2yFbq4kNcduj0vGdM_LBmqZDVjdd3LOMNS_hwbnA1EKq0Yp9gn/s320/chiller.jpg" width="221" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Chiller, 1990, American Game Cartridges)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">CHILLER: As we saw in the Wally Bear review, this was a ported Exidgy arcade game from 1986, released in 1990 for the NES. The arcade game didn't do very well in the U.S., and for good reason. It's without a doubt the most fucked up sadistic violent video game ever, outside of garbage like Super Columbine RPG and that horrible Virginia Tech game, both of which were free-to-download PC games that were created just to piss people off, and hang a digital sign around their creator’s necks saying “I’m a complete piece of shit”. Chiller was created to make money, and when arcade owners saw a game that let people use a gun to blow people away limb by limb and shoot devices like racks and guillotines to torture people they wisely passed. I’m a firm believer in the “If you’re offended, don’t buy it” school of thought, but if I was a parent in 1986 and saw Chiller in my local arcade right next to a few pinball machines, Donkey Kong, Pac-Man, and the rest of the kid-friendly fare I’d be pissed off about it. Shit, imagine playing this in a bar, and then trying to by one of the cute women a drink…Did Mace exist back then? (Yep, sure did). The NES game is pretty faithful to the original, outside of the fact that the levels are reversed (the last level in the arcade version opens the NES version), and some very slight censorship. Almost reverse censorship actually, on the first level (last in the arcade) it was changed from a monk pushing a cart full of body parts to a nun pushing a baby carriage.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The fuck? That’s supposed to be better?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0f_Z3XLr0FXOEFjB9I8A17C9qp6i-ZdBnxNsLUR2tB0aIHrDzRPzgjnzRrYHpuJa3cIJYJ1o8QIOdyuodK6_h7uenQm5gl7mS5fNBr4XntEqLpk3JGAou6dSW5O-UUBGiOefmDM_Eh2t/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h39m56s7.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0f_Z3XLr0FXOEFjB9I8A17C9qp6i-ZdBnxNsLUR2tB0aIHrDzRPzgjnzRrYHpuJa3cIJYJ1o8QIOdyuodK6_h7uenQm5gl7mS5fNBr4XntEqLpk3JGAou6dSW5O-UUBGiOefmDM_Eh2t/s320/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h39m56s7.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Oh dear, what the COCKSNOT is going on here?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">So how does it play? Pretty well, actually. You don’t need a Zapper to play, you can just use a controller, though anyone who has played Lethal Enforcers on the Genesis without the light gun knows how bad that sucks. It’s also a 2 player game, be it 2 Zappers, 2 pads, or one of each. 2 player mode is where this game gets fun. Playing by yourself is boring, but seeing who can get the best score between whoever you’ve sucked into seeing “Saw: The Game” is the way to go, turning it into a social thing instead of a training program to be a future subject of an episode of Criminal Minds. AJ Cook, if you’re reading this, e-mail me! The game plays on one screen at a time with a bunch of shit to shoot, you start off with 15 targets to hit and a bar draining as time passes. If the bar runs out before you get the targets it’s game over. The game is not really about hitting moving objects, but finding what to shoot at, which makes it perfect for the “click-and-shoot” method I’m playing it. The first 2 levels are pretty tame. Level 1 is a graveyard with a bunch of heads on spikes and a half-buried body to shoot off piece by piece, and some hands coming out of the ground, and the aforementioned nun. Level 2 is just a hallway with some ghosts going side to side that you gotta blast. Its levels 3 and 4 (the torture chambers) where it gets really fucked up, with people tied up in racks and other medieval shit, that when shot give you points for ripping their legs off or decapitating them, and then you get points for blowing off what’s left of the individual parts of their bodies one by one. Beat level 4 and you’re back at the start, Donley Kong style, with the shot count upped to 25 Every level has “talismans” that if you hit them all on every level unlocks a bat-shooting bonus stage when you finish level 4. I really can’t describe this horrible shit in words, but it would be totally over the top for a 360/PS3 game, much less a NES game. Seriously, this is some fucked up repugnant shit, and would instantly get the dreaded AO rating if they tried to release it today.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqzqcYX7rsRyDaI1WW90d5w92f_ToJz23ItSAN97p4tEZRSp0xRrLc3XbQDx8T2G_hf3iAbvT3MUKVVrnmIDXdh4bHHfoeszJRRD2X6TBI0xSbxr6Ph6W2z0HzGmvqFoF6oiDKUyu63woc/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h39m19s145.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqzqcYX7rsRyDaI1WW90d5w92f_ToJz23ItSAN97p4tEZRSp0xRrLc3XbQDx8T2G_hf3iAbvT3MUKVVrnmIDXdh4bHHfoeszJRRD2X6TBI0xSbxr6Ph6W2z0HzGmvqFoF6oiDKUyu63woc/s320/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h39m19s145.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">...and people said Sweet Home was fucked up?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">OVERALL SCORE: 6/10. Unlike most of the shit I’m going to review here, this is more than playable, and that’s what really matters. If I were to do a list of “Top 10 Unlicensed NES games”; this would be, at worst, the last one to miss the cut. And 2 player mode is pretty fun. BUT, if you really want to play this I’d recommend seeking out the Maxi-15 multicart instead of Chiller. They’re both rare as hell to the tune of about $150, but Maxi-15 has Chiller AND 14 other shitty games.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmlIcx4GeKNz5ONMF4A9CoEDn3u_5MqhLcyHULxv5aOBUHGAiOVwTnn8EnO-OTSS3OIOc7vs5hyphenhyphenTU1TtuwUQDXd50l9TgOYf3QbtgO1Q4SXsSpOpipUhWmE91e4sT23VGQ5a7mMfhk7KTx/s1600/boomer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmlIcx4GeKNz5ONMF4A9CoEDn3u_5MqhLcyHULxv5aOBUHGAiOVwTnn8EnO-OTSS3OIOc7vs5hyphenhyphenTU1TtuwUQDXd50l9TgOYf3QbtgO1Q4SXsSpOpipUhWmE91e4sT23VGQ5a7mMfhk7KTx/s320/boomer.jpg" width="232" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Baby Boomer, 1989, Color Dreams)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Baby Boomer: Quick and easy here: It sucks donkey dick, at least from where I’m sitting. Point here is that you have to shoot a bunch of shit that’s in the way of a scrolling baby. My problem with the game is that the “Gun” is REALLY inaccurate, with shots that are clearly hitting the target counting as misses, killing this game right out of the starting gate. On one hand, it might be an emulator problem, though the “Zapper” was working fine for Chiller, Duck Hunt, and everything else I tried it on. On the other hand, this is a Color Dreams game, leading me to believe it just sucks. (I’ll get to that awful company in the next review. Suffice to say, Color Dreams is the reason that you’re seeing “A.C. Sativa” v. “Unlicensed Garbage” on this site). So it very well might just be horrible…</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjRmJta-3QiM3kZIXBuUcV9v_eZ7ayx16s9fKU_0vmpIVulF9ESKvMWk4y-2R7-l2Rodx7TfKFpBdj9AOL9rUFZi26O4XqQ0SNSifYIWH9jAZcHmM1WF0-FN7X2gYeQqhrjccGyEjD0Mp/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h51m38s112.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjRmJta-3QiM3kZIXBuUcV9v_eZ7ayx16s9fKU_0vmpIVulF9ESKvMWk4y-2R7-l2Rodx7TfKFpBdj9AOL9rUFZi26O4XqQ0SNSifYIWH9jAZcHmM1WF0-FN7X2gYeQqhrjccGyEjD0Mp/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h51m38s112.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">If you think this game is any more than what you see here, you'd be very mistaken.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">OVERALL SCORE: 2/10. Kind of call this one incomplete, though I find it hard to believe that this could be anything but total shit, given the people involved with the cart’s production.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqcPHVB2LVQPzRlI3Vom4V9njxtwOwcZ6rBobKoH-PjSDrSfTKOtaIacX97pyrTpnPHjY3QoddrwB1NyRfPWFkDH-khpYGmJeVgqZLttJbPyYn6j7IArtzJ6SnVwW52lBiLgyAEp8tWSv9/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h50m46s107.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqcPHVB2LVQPzRlI3Vom4V9njxtwOwcZ6rBobKoH-PjSDrSfTKOtaIacX97pyrTpnPHjY3QoddrwB1NyRfPWFkDH-khpYGmJeVgqZLttJbPyYn6j7IArtzJ6SnVwW52lBiLgyAEp8tWSv9/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h50m46s107.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Don't shoot the...wait, what???</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">BONUS PIRATE GAME REVIEW!: TOM AND JERRY 3</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Ahh, pirate NES games, the real cream of the crop of total shit. It should be said here that Mike is doing every NOA-approved NES game, and I get everything else. But even I have my limits. “Unlicensed Games” refers to these games: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nes_games#Unlicensed_games. Not the 110/64-in-1’s, not the Sachen “If Vince Russo booked the NES” games, none of that “Sonic on the NES” shit, and none of this garbage. Why markusman asked for this game, I’ll never know know, and I won’t ask, because when you say “Got any unlicensed crap you want me to take a shot at? Let me know…”, you gotta make good on your word, and just be happy that someone likes your writing enough to bother… So from here on in, there should be a BONUS PIRATE GAME REVIEW! I need a shower, I fucking feel dirty even going this far…</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEv9TTj3axi5WvCHGu9tRb7wmJAVW5RbSjUMRkDl04gizVbijyoO4R9bhOOv8Rtf-LKGnrr48QW0tuNoNJDj-QO_BfUQHmv8aax4GhyPqoENFxuhhUkw0Yn4rKyZsQ4rQGY7R77b1lsLol/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h46m24s33.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEv9TTj3axi5WvCHGu9tRb7wmJAVW5RbSjUMRkDl04gizVbijyoO4R9bhOOv8Rtf-LKGnrr48QW0tuNoNJDj-QO_BfUQHmv8aax4GhyPqoENFxuhhUkw0Yn4rKyZsQ4rQGY7R77b1lsLol/s320/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h46m24s33.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Oh A.C., you had balls of titanium to try this one.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">For those who weren’t around during the NES days, it’s not like it is today. Back then you could take trademarked characters that you didn’t have the rights to, and use an Atari ST or a Commodore 64 and actually make video games and sell them. Well, not really sell them here in the U.S. (though pirate games and Hong Kong multicarts did make it stateside in the blackest of black markets. As in you got a 64-in-1 cart with every ounce of weed you bought back then), but they sold like crazy in the Far East, and did really well in South America too.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9re73hsDk_ae4pG3z_J6q1y_vBmysafcPPjM6fxt6S1HeogjNZeDlpoWHsdvfOkeLCuvVdELMXiy9QNQhHFVaqegdLRc8CRgW80Q6AH8F2PvWKTjhLLDgCp-Y1ucFPAH71wlJ0BX-nCI/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h48m20s178.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9re73hsDk_ae4pG3z_J6q1y_vBmysafcPPjM6fxt6S1HeogjNZeDlpoWHsdvfOkeLCuvVdELMXiy9QNQhHFVaqegdLRc8CRgW80Q6AH8F2PvWKTjhLLDgCp-Y1ucFPAH71wlJ0BX-nCI/s320/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h48m20s178.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Tom looks more like one of the Rockin' Kats</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">OVERALL SCORE: 0.5/10. Oh yeah, the game itself? Best thing I can say about it is that it’s not as bad as Action 52. But it’s damn close. Jerry Mouse actually looks like his TV counterpart, and as a huge fan of the TV show that made me smile. Worst thing I can say is that it sucks worse than all the Sachen games put together, and the graphics are barely Atari 7800 quality. It’s almost a rip off of the licensed T&J games, only with the controls shot to hell and the usual “let’s try to do Mega Drive graphics on the Famicom” nastiness that defines the HK bootlegs. Just awful, and a disgrace to the NES.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZavgJPvU_GnA9xxvYTebZqBSRStErpzIvVf_rhB3NZa4PlOOlW40JAysKp_RroiCmJqJ3eTVqxl8GhKlIIX0jHUT3IPMLbw6vWJ6vwjl_u15yUdaztw4dMd9Vz9yaW9Ak5c9gKPIoej0/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h49m19s231.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZavgJPvU_GnA9xxvYTebZqBSRStErpzIvVf_rhB3NZa4PlOOlW40JAysKp_RroiCmJqJ3eTVqxl8GhKlIIX0jHUT3IPMLbw6vWJ6vwjl_u15yUdaztw4dMd9Vz9yaW9Ak5c9gKPIoej0/s320/vlcsnap-2012-12-25-20h49m19s231.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Well, I'll be a warthog's nutsack, this game had an ending!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">NEXT TIME: Bible Games, and what might be the only game worse than Action 52 featured in the BPGR!. After that: one of the BEST unlicensed NES games, and the only pirate game that’s any good. Let me know what’s next in the comments…</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-58454238874504971322012-12-13T15:57:00.001-08:002012-12-13T20:43:42.513-08:00Beyond The Controller - She Devil of Ladies 2 Die 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1riAI26o3EjaZHGP0kfNFi3rbmyPy4A5RJBLSqy4BFaXFMfTvxVf4F95_tLfgApL5W99IrtBGlaVsyE_PzxOd7sAv53ClSqW1P_28RhtUqKy8Z2XlC2uNE4Kh05CXvXAgtCBAxOJwuoup/s1600/coollogo_com-306513685.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1riAI26o3EjaZHGP0kfNFi3rbmyPy4A5RJBLSqy4BFaXFMfTvxVf4F95_tLfgApL5W99IrtBGlaVsyE_PzxOd7sAv53ClSqW1P_28RhtUqKy8Z2XlC2uNE4Kh05CXvXAgtCBAxOJwuoup/s640/coollogo_com-306513685.png" width="640" /></span></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">Welcome to the third installment of "Beyond The Controller". Thanks to Retrogamergirls and Dylan of Questicle for braving the storm so far. Today, I step outside the box a bit and move away from the retro and into the current gen. Let's gather around the campfire kiddies, as today's guest is a member of one of the gnarliest clans around (male or female), everyone give a warm welcome to She Devil of Ladies 2 Die 4!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Welcome to NESquester's own virtual interview </b></span></span><b style="background-color: black; color: white;">couch. Hope the coffee is still warm and the chair</b><b style="background-color: black; color: white;">s are comfy enough so let's dig right in! First off, today we welcome She Devil of the L2D4 (Ladies 2 Die 4) crew. This is probably as different for me as it is for you as I normally interview retro gamers and people more around my "zone" and you're normally slaughtering everyone who crosses your path at whatever game you are playing. That being said, you ladies piqued my interest as a tight-knit group who has rankings and a chain of command. So naturally my first questions are what is L2D4 about and how long have you been with the clan?</b><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Basically, Ladies 2 Die 4 is an all-female clan pretty much born out of the camaraderie we women have for each other in a male-dominated market. Our mission is to provide a fun and positive drama-free environment to other female gamers while maintaining competitiveness, fairness, and respect online. I, personally, have been with L2D4 since early April of 2012 and am currently a Sergeant.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Are there any of the L2D4 set whose gaming prowess you envy? I read #TheOriginalPSP's bio and found out that he beat Mike Tyson's Punch-Out without getting hit one single time and would never challenge him to a one-on-one. Anyone stand out that way in your opinion?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Most of the L2D4 specialize in FPS, mainly Call of Duty. I think if there was one I had to pick to not mess with, it’d be Queenie and her sniper rifles. I’d hate to be on the other end of her scope. Seriously!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>What was your first console and your earliest memories of it?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">I have two older brothers, one of which who had an NES but I was pretty young when that was our household console. Since there were 3 of us, we actually had an array of consoles from Nintendo, Sega, and Sony. The Super Nintendo was probably my earliest. I remember Yoshi’s Island and my mom jacking it to play Zelda. My Playstation was my favorite “early” console though to be honest.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I've noticed that you play a little like me in that if we're deepcore into a game, it is either 1000/1000GP or bust. The acheivement I'm proudest of would probably be beating Bioshock on hard. What is an achievement you're most proud of and one that was the most difficult to obtain?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">I think I’m most proud of my pre-DLC 1000GP of Skyrim because it was my first close out. I wasn’t always interested in mass amounts of achievements. I liked to play through games and that was it. I was really close with Assassin’s Creed (1) but I had beat it on 3 different accounts before I got to mine and just wasn’t in the mood anymore. The most difficult I’d have to say, without a doubt, was Borderlands because of the Robolution DLC where you have to collect an unnecessary amount of ultra-rare drops. It took me 6 straight hours of farming for just ONE of the three achievements for it. It was such a pain in the ass haha, but I showed those ‘chievos who’s boss..</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I've also noticed you play alot of shooters like Borderlands 2 and Halo 4 and at the same time bring up certain accessories for your controllers and what not. Would you care to share what you're currently using and how they help your gaming? </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">That’s right, I’m a long time FPS enthusiast. I started playing them back around Halo and CS on original Xbox. A lot has changed, including “high performance accessories” for your controller. I was super skeptical because it sounds like a scam, I know, but I could not go back to a normal controller after what I’ve got now. Currently I’m using Grip iTs and Kontrol Freeks (one on each analog stick) Basically Kontrol Freeks are made to improve your accuracy by allowing you to move your analog stick beyond where your controller hinders it. Grip iTs improve the grip which overall improves your control. I’ve also got a pair of Squid Grips on my controller which changes the ergonomics of your paddle to not only be more comfortable, but it absorbs the moisture from your palms which is a big annoyance during long gaming marathons and serious situations.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Back to the clan a bit, you ladies have members from the United States, Canada, and even England. Do you ever get the chance to meet up say, annually or is it strictly an online type of family?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">I know that last year (before I joined) most of the clan and our brother clan met up at PAX East, and a few even went to PAX Prime, as well as a few MLG events previous to that. This year we’re hoping to again meet up at PAX East, but I’m not sure about our overseas friends. Travel is so expensive these days, it’d be a serious investment for some of them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I really dug your Borderlands 2 videos and found others on your YouTube channel informative and well-thought out. Are there plans to bring back some videos or is it a thing that happens in spurts between major releases?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">I’m actually a seriously lazy YouTuber. I put out a video every few months but mainly it’s for the informational demographic and not just to do something everyone has done a hundred times. So if I find that there are 30 videos on how to do something, I’ll just leave that alone and keep moving on until I find something worth making. It’s the same idea with my commentaries too. I try to keep my personal life separate so that doesn’t leave me a lot to blabber about for 8+ minutes per video. (Honestly though, I’m really just too lazy to do more stuff more often haha)</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I'd be remiss in not mentioning the fantastic job you did with the Harley Quinn makeup tutorial. Not that I'd give it a whirl myself but if there was an L2D4 contest with those tutorials some of you did, I'd personally say you won, rad music and all. Do you have any experience in those types of things? i.e. theater, plays, etc?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Surprisingly, no. I originally wasn’t going to do a make-up video but I had been obsessively watching my boyfriend play Arkham City and I’ve always been a Harley fan. Luckily she’s pretty easy as far as difficulty goes. She’s more tedious than anything. The music is Elena Siegman’s AbraCadavre which was a killer easter egg in Black Ops zombies. It really set the mood sometimes and I thought it was a perfect fit for Harley.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>What does She Devil do when she isn't destroying gamer egos and getting a kill per calorie I take in for the day? What are your other intrests and hobbies?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Haha, this is pretty awkward but I’m a big fan of girly…ness? I’ve always been a tomboy so the more I age the more I wish I could do things that take patience and finesse. I love DIY crafts and baking. Boy I love baking. Other than that though, I really just like to game. If I’m not working I prefer to game game game. I make time for my little vices like reading and pounding pots of coffee but ultimately I’m a hermit and not very exciting in my personal life.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Lastly, what advice would you give to any other gamers out there and is there anything you'd like to plug or advertise?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">If I had to give another gamer advice I’d just say broaden your horizons to as many games as possible. Enjoy the vast worlds before you and don’t limit yourself to one franchise. You’ll be missing out on so much!</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">As far as plugs, obviously head over to the Ladies 2 Die 4 Fan Page and give us a like. We need all the support we can get! Check out my YT if you’re bored (links below) </span><span style="color: yellow;">and just a big thank you to all of our sponsors for making our gaming experience great! (GripIts, Mionix, InToro Skins, Acoustic PC, CompuExpert Direct, Sharkoon, Zalman, GoGamer.com, Rage Gage, Nobis, Brand Computers, and Gathering Gamers)</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Huge thanks to She Devil for participating and giving one tremendous interview that if anything, shows that I made the right choice when she was the one I asked for the interview. Insightful, entertaining, funny, and most of all approachable, She Devil and the rest of the L2D4 are very real, very passionate gamers and if you get your feelings hurt by being destroyed by these ladies in a game out there, don't be a jerk, appreciate the time and skill they have and cut the gender specific crap. Male or female, female or male, L2D4 is for real.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXxzRNPrQbsE7OrI7scWWNv6fKx4syoSPKD37tU7uk07WyhmnYQliyaLQ2jGKjVlUIWYqeKVSKTVCVFh0QxWhW8734ipVpDICIDNnWZPmy3jYh9FPbdo8hhg38fmxxl59UaIaCXHzmYMss/s1600/182350_390739891007835_624089672_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXxzRNPrQbsE7OrI7scWWNv6fKx4syoSPKD37tU7uk07WyhmnYQliyaLQ2jGKjVlUIWYqeKVSKTVCVFh0QxWhW8734ipVpDICIDNnWZPmy3jYh9FPbdo8hhg38fmxxl59UaIaCXHzmYMss/s320/182350_390739891007835_624089672_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Yup, she's female. She's a gamer. And she can KICK. YOUR. ASS. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/ladies2die4"><span style="color: cyan; font-size: x-large;">Ladies 2 Die 4 Fan Page</span></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/she360gaming"><span style="color: cyan; font-size: x-large;">She Devil's Youtube Channel</span></a></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-59298452329480569082012-12-12T22:04:00.000-08:002012-12-12T22:39:11.061-08:00NESquest #36 - Gradius<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiPed7p6Jw48QrnxhdPWqDGzkiNHiNDSD-y-pFVkooWTrwPJqtM0MfrQ3rAdROMUkT9tWyCGHghUdAG-B_rXbs_BA2twl1W_TU5WF9_SSZpT6DXKbqDbf4kU6pEq5_96PJo1oa6HTc_J6g/s1600/gradiuscover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiPed7p6Jw48QrnxhdPWqDGzkiNHiNDSD-y-pFVkooWTrwPJqtM0MfrQ3rAdROMUkT9tWyCGHghUdAG-B_rXbs_BA2twl1W_TU5WF9_SSZpT6DXKbqDbf4kU6pEq5_96PJo1oa6HTc_J6g/s320/gradiuscover.jpg" width="232" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Gradius, December 1986, Konami)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">HELL TO THE FUCK YEAH! A genre I've been anxiously awaiting to reach like a kid on Christmas morning, the space shooter. No, Action 52 doesn't count as even being a game so don't even try that shit. Today's title also holds the distinction of being the very first to utilize the most famous game cheat in history, Let's take a look at Konami's NES cherry being popped before our very eyes with Gradius.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBos552c7YKo1i-4ZGg3ta0KI-dNYApzNX5FSjqL0dO8OhsqQfZ728VOndHjRjNEowSIuR5u-O789bBV4g0-teM43gKkBu7F8UN1LDGkQXhMD4-yfyZZLXJRq-yHNFNYOpgXDlHcipGhy9/s1600/konami-code-shirt_design.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBos552c7YKo1i-4ZGg3ta0KI-dNYApzNX5FSjqL0dO8OhsqQfZ728VOndHjRjNEowSIuR5u-O789bBV4g0-teM43gKkBu7F8UN1LDGkQXhMD4-yfyZZLXJRq-yHNFNYOpgXDlHcipGhy9/s1600/konami-code-shirt_design.png" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">Even if you don't know your own parent's birthdays, you KNOW "The Code"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">First, a gander at Konami and how they came to become one of the most recognizable gaming companies in the world. Founded in 1973 as a jukebox rental company of all things, Konami (a portmanteau of founders, Kagemasa KOzuki, Yoshinobu NAkama, and Tatsuo MIyasako) began creating what they labeled "amusement machines". Initially one of the slowest developers in recorded history, it took 5 years for their first games to release. Wih their 1981 classic Frogger, Konami's years of experience and growing confidence started to show at a blistering pace with many memorable titles being cranked out such as Super Cobra, Gyruss, Track & Field, and Rush N' Attack among others. I cannot tell a lie, I am chomping at the bits to poke tons o' fun at Gyruss for how many waves it takes to Uranus but that will come in due time. In 1985, they developed a shooter so frantic that balls to the wall cannot describe it. Dicks to the bricks would be far more apropos. The game was given the name Nemesis and when ported to our good friend, Mr. NES, it decided that after it's divorce from the arcades that it would legally change it's name to Gradius. Konami still has their hands in just about everything from casinos, toys, and anime with a revenue of over three billion dollars so I think they are doing just peachy since their humble beginnings. As with my earlier Capcom reviews, I will delve more into "The Code" during a time when a Konami game doesn't contain as deep an origin.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja6kiMpNM7dlfRqwSPKiqdUh7cRi_esa0qP5unELrTe6huON77ynrUM4sql8tJ_Tdb1Dwghj4-vP4pCCGD16eiIAzNPPtEY-hOWtFmMuoFrOOb4t5PSbLBi0K-acTCcmBShRch-S8YjN99/s1600/8612+Gradius0003.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja6kiMpNM7dlfRqwSPKiqdUh7cRi_esa0qP5unELrTe6huON77ynrUM4sql8tJ_Tdb1Dwghj4-vP4pCCGD16eiIAzNPPtEY-hOWtFmMuoFrOOb4t5PSbLBi0K-acTCcmBShRch-S8YjN99/s1600/8612+Gradius0003.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">Power-up enough and you can get some SERIOUS firepower happening.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">In this first title of the long-running series, you play the role of an unnamed pilot behind the controls of a spaceship named the Vic Viper. I'm personally torn whether that is the dumbest name for a ship or the most bitchingest. The Vic, as I shall name it henceforth, is tasked with destroying waves of enemies before they can attack the pilot's home planet of Gradius. At the start, a pathetic little pea shooter is given and Vic moves like it is on quaaludes but send enough of certain types of enemies to hell and powerful add-ons will be dispersed. What makes Gradius badass is that you can customize how you make Vic stronger. Want to throw everything you get into speed making Vic rival that forsaken blue hedgehog? No problem! Prefer missiles to lasers and only have the power-ups for one? Then have a blast shitting bombs all across deep space! It presents the aura of strategy that the other shooters at the time were lacking as with time you slowly grasp what weaponry you'll need to unleash in what situation. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ZJouq_Rjkboe6URAbBCaH4DUkmJ-f17xjh-UI9XfquagFTJS7RVqs3mlnaYQjAtO-IGjSQlmm0EiOXosgkyHYKhCH4HYCcqRq5jlalzJBozju6BVyV4bMF-0oTuyhxk8hFxwbP0-V7e6/s1600/8612+Gradius0005.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5ZJouq_Rjkboe6URAbBCaH4DUkmJ-f17xjh-UI9XfquagFTJS7RVqs3mlnaYQjAtO-IGjSQlmm0EiOXosgkyHYKhCH4HYCcqRq5jlalzJBozju6BVyV4bMF-0oTuyhxk8hFxwbP0-V7e6/s1600/8612+Gradius0005.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">If you see these fuckers and you have no extras to shoot them with, the game is pretty much over. You'll have an easier time getting Ellen DeGeneres to participate in a bukkake video.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Comprised of seven of the most unforgiving levels this side of Axelay, Gradius is one tough mammajamma. Volcanos will spit out boulders while a wave of ships is screaming towards you on your right and mobile cannons are peppering the screen with fire on your left. In short, this game does not fuck around for even a second. As previously stated ladies and germs, dicks to the bricks. If you make it past the deceptively simple first few levels, just wait awhile and the Easter Island heads pop up out of nowhere and just simply make life untolerable. Of course, you have "The Code" at your disposal if you want to breeze by. I had this game when I was younger and thought it was defective as I damned near sprained my thumb trying to get "The Code" to work to no avail. My mistake was thinking you had to input it at the title screen like Contra, not while it was paused. In short, I had to beat this beastly fatherfucker legit so any of you that questioned my Silver Surfer victory awhile back that I made a hoop-la about, as hard as that was, it isn't as bad as Gradius. Take it from someone who has been there. What is more difficult for me to fathom is that the arcade version is even harder, with less power-ups and an extra button you had to press when you wished to fire missiles. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKFRM-uQJkGMuPO_siTAu4g1wn1To7tVFnWiiVYgsmOGX0QWx6_x_sO-T_lDJj2h5nrEM5i27ua8ydzmvm0CiFMEdfQZ5ISLE0kTWkvxRTsKn6Vjh6kNXM3HP9tVH0A9F1Lzgg0WakIZj/s1600/8612+Gradius0012.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKFRM-uQJkGMuPO_siTAu4g1wn1To7tVFnWiiVYgsmOGX0QWx6_x_sO-T_lDJj2h5nrEM5i27ua8ydzmvm0CiFMEdfQZ5ISLE0kTWkvxRTsKn6Vjh6kNXM3HP9tVH0A9F1Lzgg0WakIZj/s1600/8612+Gradius0012.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">Man, Mother Brain sure gets around doesn't she?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Now onto the chili of the dog, the presentation. The titles that the NES offered to this point (with the exception of Metroid) have been fairly vibrant, colorful little numbers. Of course, that wouldn't do for a space shooter so it starts dark and stays dark. The ships are bright and far easier to see so there isn't the issue of 1942 where you're trying to shoot green planes down against a massive green backdrop. Black spaceships barrelling towards you in deep space would no doubt release that fateful "FUCK THIS SHIT" hormone back into any logical brain. What I dig the most is the claustrophobia that you'll encounter at times where the shit gets even more frantic. One moment, Vic is tearing it up in open space, free to maneuver the whole of the screen, and the next the walls start to close in where your freedom is taken away and it's blast your way out or die trying. There isn't much in the way of cheap death either as the controls are tighter than an asshole introduced to freezing water. The sound was a pleasant suprise as this was the first instance where the tunes the NES provided were superior to the arcade. The song selection isn't very large but the few present tunes more than sufficed and the sound effects didn't make me want to claw out my inner ear. My only real gripe would be the boss battles. One one hand, it was basically the same boss at the end of each level and on the other, I gave Super Mario Bros a 10/10 and it also had the same endstage boss. Perhaps it is because of the genre that the same showdowns felt more like one gigantic level than seven smaller ones. The final boss, once you figure out to get the fuck past the indestructible wall as quick as possible, is a joke. What was with Konami's hard-on for featuring enormous human organs as the final boss in their games anyway? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlFm7gxqJEXhm50gX21hI4adpRL6QI-qY0991LvAMugsD9BV61Ry1vIMWJ1Y52zDHIqnMgWfMOXJoYLebHgfwPmslC8rvDlaV7NiCf5NkR1MySIram-y_JlRhqqwlR4sB8ICbsb5OpU3RV/s1600/8612+Gradius0014.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlFm7gxqJEXhm50gX21hI4adpRL6QI-qY0991LvAMugsD9BV61Ry1vIMWJ1Y52zDHIqnMgWfMOXJoYLebHgfwPmslC8rvDlaV7NiCf5NkR1MySIram-y_JlRhqqwlR4sB8ICbsb5OpU3RV/s1600/8612+Gradius0014.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">FINALLY! Someone used the proper grammar at the end of an 80s NES game!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">9/10 Gradius set the bar for epic space shooters that wasn't matched for years. The setting feels alien and otherworldly, the sounds kick the piss out of the arcade version, and the challenge keeps you coming back to see if you can make it just that much further. Today, it is a great time killer and a way to temper yourself before playing any other shooter you may deem as difficult. In 1986, it was just about as perfect as you could get.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzPYqGieEjpC1AC44gg5G-zwvzxeJE94sgG-5bxhMckMXxxk_OFkVnzyvusxrG0lGFSB5jvxVeInKCXcpMqhgc15tYqFjVu1kvCm2lim7K_4Ej4fPhjEW9w0Lzx8e7MZ8kHNYuqotfC_VK/s1600/8612+Gradius0008.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzPYqGieEjpC1AC44gg5G-zwvzxeJE94sgG-5bxhMckMXxxk_OFkVnzyvusxrG0lGFSB5jvxVeInKCXcpMqhgc15tYqFjVu1kvCm2lim7K_4Ej4fPhjEW9w0Lzx8e7MZ8kHNYuqotfC_VK/s1600/8612+Gradius0008.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">See if you can figure out how to rack up massive points at this spot like I did.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Unlike other popular Konami franchises, the Gradius legacy still lives on. If it has ever been your desire to run into a series sequel structure more confusing than the Legend of Zelda series, look no further. Gradius actually had a Gradius 2 AND a Gradius II that were different games! Enjoy wrapping your head around over a dozen sequels, spin-offs, and ports, not the least of which is a Nintendo title that I will ruin things for now by saying that when its time comes in the Quest, it gets an easy 10. Don't spoil it fuckers....</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdNdU-2nvYGHFVUtLRy02PGdubnFxL0f-UbOI4kQI_sV4DeQjLMioZocKvbQZqM50V2D6yHI0ubItI-9fKRccho5_MIBXRrlLjBFmGdecDr5YyBaXbNt5lahPHkBzM2a2FVyEu73V8-RoU/s1600/fw-common-fire-salamander-1208424_31883_600x450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdNdU-2nvYGHFVUtLRy02PGdubnFxL0f-UbOI4kQI_sV4DeQjLMioZocKvbQZqM50V2D6yHI0ubItI-9fKRccho5_MIBXRrlLjBFmGdecDr5YyBaXbNt5lahPHkBzM2a2FVyEu73V8-RoU/s320/fw-common-fire-salamander-1208424_31883_600x450.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">....I'll drop a tiny hint myself</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-63912883170649546382012-12-07T07:23:00.000-08:002012-12-07T07:23:32.884-08:00NESquest #35 - Karate Champ<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx1WsL5acIrCUMMZIUX1Z5FiVB_NORaC6ThYq_-R6zrHTn4xjzqiYwjQbo3OQcUkMIXpb8wJeCGzmXtOQ1skRt7Jpeg7qjVFGJZ-MpcKXmRstTHUvNBeyJzBQ9GYU4kPOfoToyiUVy5gjk/s1600/kchampbox.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx1WsL5acIrCUMMZIUX1Z5FiVB_NORaC6ThYq_-R6zrHTn4xjzqiYwjQbo3OQcUkMIXpb8wJeCGzmXtOQ1skRt7Jpeg7qjVFGJZ-MpcKXmRstTHUvNBeyJzBQ9GYU4kPOfoToyiUVy5gjk/s320/kchampbox.jpg" width="223" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Karate Champ, November 1986, Data East)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The fighting game genre didn't explode until around 1991, when the first of a gazillion incarnations of Street Fighter II was released. Everything before that fucking blew baboon smegma. An attempt at a fighting game Urban Champion was one of the worst of the original Black Box offerings. There wasn't another fighting game for the NES until today's little piece of curious crap, Karate Champ. If you're in the mood for the good old fashioned NESquester vitriol, strap the fuck in kiddies!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL7rfnr-YwL9oj_WiqJBWjC0NGDYbYoO4YwJl9NnL1FHLEp5ECclnJXw8h4gpIMWCMZukQxzkL29uJDWL7eIl6yp4w6dJyl8wXrNGgUEei9zhJE6Ip5gf6T5W1eOSVueWbT7g9vy-7RWPA/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0014.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL7rfnr-YwL9oj_WiqJBWjC0NGDYbYoO4YwJl9NnL1FHLEp5ECclnJXw8h4gpIMWCMZukQxzkL29uJDWL7eIl6yp4w6dJyl8wXrNGgUEei9zhJE6Ip5gf6T5W1eOSVueWbT7g9vy-7RWPA/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0014.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Kinda reminds me of the Sweet Factory in Mother 1. Too obscure?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Brought to life in 1984 by Technos but published by Data East, Karate Champ ("The Way Of The Empty Hand" overseas) was one of the earliest examples of the fighting genre. It truly was an ambitious and inspired arcade game that utilized two joysticks in a deep moveset very unlike Urban Champion's punch-punch-punch bullshit. Other innovations included multiple bonus stages, 12-plus stage backgrounds, and, with the release of Karate Champ: Player Vs Player edition, an actual 2 player fighting game. It was a difficult game to master and required perseverance and a total memorization of the game's moves to even attempt basic survival. As a young 'Quester, I hated this game because one quarter was usually wasted within seconds of hearing the earliest digitized voice I can recall bellow out "RED!"</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZylrvz0-4UwbHS96bYdQnK6jZoeBdSOcLfpC4eX6F3h98CvcBk3toZvkNooBCJ5YFw5z1IvN9ODn5zb_Za9ht5CFTKq8Y3geYpwCUqIp3S-qcxopEr3ZEofwAskKPE6EUh0cSdj3ugcFQ/s1600/fighting-karate-monkey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZylrvz0-4UwbHS96bYdQnK6jZoeBdSOcLfpC4eX6F3h98CvcBk3toZvkNooBCJ5YFw5z1IvN9ODn5zb_Za9ht5CFTKq8Y3geYpwCUqIp3S-qcxopEr3ZEofwAskKPE6EUh0cSdj3ugcFQ/s320/fighting-karate-monkey.jpg" width="253" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">If this was what the NES controls were trying to pull off, kudos!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Well, now that the history lesson is done, let's open a can of pure unadulterated, seething hatred. Ported to the Nintendo in 1986, many problems were apparent within two seconds of playthrough. One, the NES didn't have two joysticks or two anythings that could be used in the manner of the arcade cabinet. Two, all but one of the bonus stages were cut. Anyone who ever stopped the bull with their bare hands had to be pissed to high hell when all we got on the NES was dodging flower pots that looked like bleeding dicks. This version is closer to the Player Vs Player edition than the original port, but it doesn't really mean a shit because skill has NO bearing on the outcome of this game. There are two karate participants, one in a white gi, a-la-Ryu, and the other in a red gi, a-la-Ken. The first to score two points via direct hit wins the round and two rounds wins the game. Sounds easy enough, but the game will sometimes give you half points. To this day I have no fucking idea what the difference is between that and a regular hit. Music is non-existent. The only time you'll hear anything close to it is the title screen and when a round is over and you do kind of a goofy dance unbefitting a student of the arts.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIGa6jvlEeQjJf544N02VcWZPiVNu2N-VD8FnihDibC4XNoqwqEeYY8xKhk0KQhLI0nb3DJsPlGCbTUZI1xtUqxjw8hFeO8IPFmomKIHgCCcLWYEc5s9skC1pnqA05EHSspzJmH-JXaOS4/s1600/1181242123381.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIGa6jvlEeQjJf544N02VcWZPiVNu2N-VD8FnihDibC4XNoqwqEeYY8xKhk0KQhLI0nb3DJsPlGCbTUZI1xtUqxjw8hFeO8IPFmomKIHgCCcLWYEc5s9skC1pnqA05EHSspzJmH-JXaOS4/s1600/1181242123381.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">DATA EAST, WHY NO BULL ON NES?!?!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The worst part without a shadow of a doubt is the controls. We're talking Action 52 levels here folks. When your opponent gets behind you it is an exercise in futility to try and turn around, and the game becomes one of my least favorite types of game, the illogical button masher. Hit detection is even worse. Your fist will plain as day make contact or a foot will firmly meet face and Mr-Terminator-In-A-Red-Gi will shrug it off and separate you from your senses in no time. When the game is a total bitch but possible to beat, such as the first Samurai Shodown, I embrace that challenge. When the game will find anyway it can to fuck you, the fun factor goes right out the door. And when I say Karate Champ fucks you, we're talking bloody ass, no lube, not even a spit shine, it's THAT raw towards the player. I could almost hear a few people unsubscribing the moment I typed that. You'll be missed.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73f3qt7XzczC-s9eCOC969Il_idbzfoRzX8C1_JZAlgwxnH7X8BOXU_8Akz09UerXK0NIp7gUcF1DdID9-cOzJkYoW46_opGnj2yaLo1pUa1xJxqC3ZYPiNvR9tm1eoxzlIQJ5hwKazPk/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0006.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg73f3qt7XzczC-s9eCOC969Il_idbzfoRzX8C1_JZAlgwxnH7X8BOXU_8Akz09UerXK0NIp7gUcF1DdID9-cOzJkYoW46_opGnj2yaLo1pUa1xJxqC3ZYPiNvR9tm1eoxzlIQJ5hwKazPk/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0006.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">OK, a background or two is pretty rad, but it's like Susan Boyle wearing expensive clothing.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">The only bright spot here are the graphics. The stages are wonderfully vibrant and really give off an oriental feel. The black tree sunset in particular stands out to me as a simple yet gorgeous setting for two warriors to battle for the glory. The sprites for the fighters are a good size for the time, and who doesn't love the referee? These days for ten bucks, you could probably purchase DLC that makes him a playable fighter. The graphics are so nice at times, it makes the useless waste of silicon this game actually is that much more painful.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrw4z_eNq_XMpcvHcdJUm-EcxMkhlY95s1pQ4qKNVMuussGf4AJ68DpCHALo-QOUkJKO3WVAakiKFMR16f2A2C3EG4_nZR35eTlyFji3ZOos5HRTLARCnBBxLb04SmAeGDg08zqy_NG5OD/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0005.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrw4z_eNq_XMpcvHcdJUm-EcxMkhlY95s1pQ4qKNVMuussGf4AJ68DpCHALo-QOUkJKO3WVAakiKFMR16f2A2C3EG4_nZR35eTlyFji3ZOos5HRTLARCnBBxLb04SmAeGDg08zqy_NG5OD/s1600/8611+Karate+Champ0005.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">You REALLY have to blow this pic up to discern that these are flower pots. Try it.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">FINAL VERDICT</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">3/10 Some ports capture the spirit of the original and others fall flat on their asses never to recover. Karate Champ is definitely of the flattened ass variety. The nice graphics saved it from a lower score but the broken hit detection, impossible controls, and an overall lacking of the fun in the arcade version drag it towards such company as Gumshoe and Baseball. One could say that it would've been better if they came out with a peripheral for it that gave the two joysticks, but they didn't, so fuck 'em.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbJEhXl2MvtENc6z4UDiyY2TsWogf9YN4LTtdySPs384_svdOX0ICUI01WBoWL8A14s2p3Ko6M8LsJ2ECcdkaQtGMFj1rx0MWdz5lDeq-N05oF85bmd4URFXdL4mytN6ufQk2Tsg8nD56I/s1600/women-karate.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbJEhXl2MvtENc6z4UDiyY2TsWogf9YN4LTtdySPs384_svdOX0ICUI01WBoWL8A14s2p3Ko6M8LsJ2ECcdkaQtGMFj1rx0MWdz5lDeq-N05oF85bmd4URFXdL4mytN6ufQk2Tsg8nD56I/s320/women-karate.gif" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">These 7 seconds will be far more rewarding and entertaining than ever trying to master Karate Champ. </span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-43185323747836847752012-12-03T08:56:00.004-08:002012-12-03T08:56:57.488-08:00Beyond The Controller - Dylan C, Founder of Questicle<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhfZn1u3vG3HUYPGKZi9mv_0CIrJA9auBt91LN8-v1gDa_MllZF5gs_GeupPr7zBD1U7DhPe7jHFy5BErmsKlrQjI06tEEfs9Wlp_Vt6W4FJqg_uikigZxajbkldsMeMZUpHooncwC9Q8/s1600/coollogo_com-306513685.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnhfZn1u3vG3HUYPGKZi9mv_0CIrJA9auBt91LN8-v1gDa_MllZF5gs_GeupPr7zBD1U7DhPe7jHFy5BErmsKlrQjI06tEEfs9Wlp_Vt6W4FJqg_uikigZxajbkldsMeMZUpHooncwC9Q8/s640/coollogo_com-306513685.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Welcome to the long awaited second installment of "Beyond The Controller". Thanks a ton for the support given to the interview with the Retro Gamer Girls and a huge thank you to them for being brave enough to test the waters. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Today, hoo boy cats and kittens, do I have a special treat for you! In the retro gaming community, I have many peers whose work I have the utmost respect for. This installment, we're going to talk to a like minded soul I personally look up to and aspire to one day have a fraction of the talent I believe he owns. The founder of Questicle: The Quest To Review Every NES Game, I couldn't be happier to welcome a man I am proud to call a friend, everyone meet Dylan C.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>First off, thanks a ton for doing this, I know you're a busy beaver these days. My opening salvo if you will, when was Questicle founded and what made you decide to embark on such a daunting task?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">My pleasure, Mike. Questicle started in July of 2010. At the time, I wanted a writing project that would be fun, and that would force me to write every day or every other day. I've always been a fan of critical<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>reviews and Nintendo games, and I love cataloguing and organizing. Reviewing every NES game in alphabetical order seemed like such a fun, borderline-OCD idea that suited me well. It's been a bumpy ride, but I've enjoyed the majority of it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">What was your first exposure to the NES an were you hooked from the get go or did it take your later years to come around to the passion you so obviously have for our little grey buddy?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">My dad came home one afternoon with the NES Action Set – the one with the Zapper, two controllers, and the SMB/Duck Hunt cartridge. I was about four and I don't think it was my birthday or anything; just a random gift that would start me on the path of gaming. After that, I was hooked.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">I certainly can relate to that! Being over halfway done with your quest, do you have any plans following a much needed vacation when all is said and done? I often get asked if I will magically transform into SNESquester when I'm done but I'm years off the mark myself. I've always made it a point to call you "The One" as you are so far ahead of the pack it isn't funny. Any future plans for Questicle?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Well, right now, I'd just like to get the site looking a little better. I'm frustrated that I've come so far, number-wise, and don't have a separate page with links to all of the reviews. So the next couple of months is going to be a mix of reviews and overhauling the site. After I finish with all the reviews, I'm going to buy a nice cigar, sit on my porch, and smoke it. I do believe a break is in order after I'm done, but I'm not going to let the site languish. Questicle.net will continue on, and perhaps in the future, take other forms.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">Weird question I need to ask. What are your thoughts when you hear of someone else taking on a similar quest such as Eric Bailey, Nintendo Complete, Chrontendo, and that NESquester fellow? Does a part of you go "Copycats!" or do you usually accept things with an open mind? </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the copycat out of some of those people you listed! Eric's been doing this longer than I have with NintendoLegend, as has Chrontendo. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a competitive spirit in me. I'm a guy, that's how must of us are hardwired. I think we all have our own style to offer, though. My writing style doesn't appeal to everyone, nor does Eric's writing style or yours. We all have our own unique audience to reach. As long as we stay true to our respective voices, we'll be fine.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">Reaching out to you was one of the smartest ideas I ever had. You could've blown me off like a few others but we started discussing games and bouncing things off of each other to where now we have a pretty awesome rapport in my opinion (agreed). Do you have anyone else in the community you are friends with that could use a mention? </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Sure, I'd like to mention Jesse of RetroRevelations.com. He's a really cool guy, with a very unique and well-varied site, as far as content goes. Anyone who revels in nostalgia should go there. We already mentioned Eric Bailey of NintendoLegend. He was one of the first people in the retro gaming community to reach out to me. Also, TomBadGuy of Tombadguy.com is hilarious and supportive. Now that I have a Twitter, I'm discovering the retro community is enormous, so I look forward to meeting some new folks.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">Oh, Jesse is certainly one I plan to hit up for an interview very soon. Intresting guy. Back to our friendship for a brief moment, there couldn't possibly be two more different people who live two completely different lifestyles. I'm slightly more public with my life and the things I do that many may not agree with, but you're a little more private. I won't dig too hard here but what do you enjoy doing when you're not gaming and writing the reviews?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Pretty typical stuff – hanging with the wife and cats, reading, hanging out with friends. Perhaps that's why I'm private: my life's too boring for most people to care about! I don't care, I enjoy it. It's simple and quiet.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">Time for the ultimate cliche question! Can you think off-hand of any games during your quest you went in thinking nothing of and dragging feet to do it but found yourself a huge fan of afterwards? How about the flipside, anything you went in with high hopes and came out feeling like you just swam in a sewer?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">A lot of the games start to blur together after awhile, so I'll try and stick to ones I've reviewed recently. Ninja Crusaders was one I expected absolutely nothing from, and it turned out to be a really fun, difficult platformer. Same with Nightshade, which sounded awful, but turned out to be a great adventure game. Thankfully, the reverse doesn't happen that often. A lot of the games I'm looking forward to playing are games I know are good, like the Mega Man series or Contra or whatever. I guess one example would be Mighty Final Fight. I had heard a lot of good things about it, but it didn't really do anything for me.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><b><span style="color: white;">Lastly, is there any advice to any hungry upstart up there looking for any words of wisdom from a questing ninja such as yourself?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">I'm not sure I'd recommend this particular path of reviewing every game in a system's library, at least not to most people. It sounds like a really fun idea at first – "Oh boy, I get to play a ton of games and write my opinions on them, yay!" - until you realize how much work goes into it. I'm not any better than any one else. I've wanted to quit several times, but I've always just taken it one day at a time. I'd give myself breaks when I needed them, and come back re-focused. If you really want to tackle an endeavor like this, make sure you enjoy it at least 80% or more of the time. Otherwise, it's not worth it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">And there you have it folks! Another edition of "Beyond The Controller" is a wrap! Don't be shy now, join the fun and drop me a line at nesquester@yahoo.com. As you can see, I keep it pretty clean and professional for these so if you're worried about the 'Quester asking you about your bowel movements and what not, have no fear! Big thanks to my brother from a lighter mother, Dylan C and PLEASE make sure to check out his blog as I made the font huge as heck for the link on purpose to really drive the point home. He's the hardest working cat out there and deserves to be twenty times as well-known as others in the field in my opinion. 'Til next time!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><a href="http://www.questicle.net/"><span style="color: #9fc5e8; font-size: x-large;">QUESTICLE - The Quest To Review Every NES Game</span></a></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-30395765990195281422012-12-02T17:07:00.000-08:002012-12-02T17:10:15.798-08:00BIG FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT!!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8C_H8dWfq7uRSQeyv15KVEALFaG20wtJwymAVo_527VdCFiG3giotd4ZUYZI9K4fRguFbfhog3IriKC5RVaI76u0vfgk0xoWj3Iozlchpb5H8PwvCGOUFKs6mFEKVWWfDuNaumW314jD0/s1600/coollogo_com-177192028.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8C_H8dWfq7uRSQeyv15KVEALFaG20wtJwymAVo_527VdCFiG3giotd4ZUYZI9K4fRguFbfhog3IriKC5RVaI76u0vfgk0xoWj3Iozlchpb5H8PwvCGOUFKs6mFEKVWWfDuNaumW314jD0/s640/coollogo_com-177192028.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"> IS NOW PART OF </span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4FYwo3Y3_C1VhzGTnodDMhWaHmIne7mhtGJ8PagqroCpsHJMU88fn6Vs8gQYXEW3boKCd7J4JTS4zU87kPh50MQqvzVsbE1cX60P3Uyf0Z2Bj1wcF6KmsHgkAk2-N9dL4sWqrUzqNPrd/s1600/Image1.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="73" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4FYwo3Y3_C1VhzGTnodDMhWaHmIne7mhtGJ8PagqroCpsHJMU88fn6Vs8gQYXEW3boKCd7J4JTS4zU87kPh50MQqvzVsbE1cX60P3Uyf0Z2Bj1wcF6KmsHgkAk2-N9dL4sWqrUzqNPrd/s640/Image1.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: x-large;"> .........any questions?</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: cyan; font-size: x-large;"><b style="background-color: black;">www.retrodomination.com</b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-82951201922930554192012-12-01T14:09:00.005-08:002012-12-01T18:10:00.280-08:00NESquest #34 - Commando<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6TNQ6VBvC4yqAvwaPy4cUmjgogRCxvzgbMNgnO3_bVwZXnjw8RstRbSKDNv0xZw1FGveig_Qxe_UNXgaaHGWj6hL5YTeSNxg95qQhq3mS_Ssfm-38iWS3erhMsKtadWuaVvPhmM4hfeT/s1600/563398_29008_front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD6TNQ6VBvC4yqAvwaPy4cUmjgogRCxvzgbMNgnO3_bVwZXnjw8RstRbSKDNv0xZw1FGveig_Qxe_UNXgaaHGWj6hL5YTeSNxg95qQhq3mS_Ssfm-38iWS3erhMsKtadWuaVvPhmM4hfeT/s320/563398_29008_front.jpg" width="232" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Commando, November 1986, Capcom)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">As a whole, the medium of video games can be responsible for one thing even if many of us are unaware of it and that is the suspension of disbelief. If faced with a swarm of highly trained soliders, could one Altair really take them all out with the fine tuned precision he is known for? That is just one example of hundreds as we all know that video games are an escape but sometimes, we trick ourselves into thinking a game is "realistic" when all it takes is a deep breath and a fraction of brain function to prove ourselves wrong. As a child of the 80's, nothing forced this suspension upon your senses like the good ol' Nintendo Entertainment System did. Case in point is today's title with one super solider's quest to simply blow alot of shit up while taking on an army the size of Australia's population for no apparent reason, Commando!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaznrpBp-uA6XbXhBv-G95Xn7xgQszSepghBrqR0tV71UGTKORWV-gTxM0Inej5INu3lzdvMM2LZ6S_HFLsPXQGbYKbd9i4tqDRK5VcdbaA3NAZ0Yf01eL8ILcZuh1mf29XxuuPqxxoQle/s1600/rz-111b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaznrpBp-uA6XbXhBv-G95Xn7xgQszSepghBrqR0tV71UGTKORWV-gTxM0Inej5INu3lzdvMM2LZ6S_HFLsPXQGbYKbd9i4tqDRK5VcdbaA3NAZ0Yf01eL8ILcZuh1mf29XxuuPqxxoQle/s320/rz-111b.jpg" width="237" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Did someone drop the ball on one hell of an obvious licensing coup? Methinks yes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">A very influential title that doesn't get it's due, Commando was one of the forefathers for the "run n' gun" genre of games that later spawned such inspired classics as Contra and Gun.Smoke. The gist of Commando is to take control of a solider who after being fucked with one too many times about being named "Super Joe", decides to show the his dicklick heckling comrades what's what. Armed with a machine gun that can apparently form an infinite amount bullets via his special mutant power, Joe is dropped off by a helicopter in the middle of a jungle to save a few hostages from an army of about 300,000. Now I know I normally give this section to game's history and backstory but this game legitimately has no backstory, so I'll roll with bitter nice guy who has been ridden WAY too hard and just wants to get away from it all by watching fellow human craniums explode. From what I gather via the manual, Super Joe is dumped in the wild to rescue hostages and stop an army from taking over the world. That's it. God bless the 80's.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwKpC6Tg72F5psWOyGvOWudExUqXlU43s_yrOZEB4Z7Krs8mI_-ByVYCvRhetoghrYr3i4wEymfwGEYynrnuAlvezn_OQLgD8eItB91glYqD6lv07PeO2cMxJXfmApFWCjoRAv0jWuvClm/s1600/Commando_018.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwKpC6Tg72F5psWOyGvOWudExUqXlU43s_yrOZEB4Z7Krs8mI_-ByVYCvRhetoghrYr3i4wEymfwGEYynrnuAlvezn_OQLgD8eItB91glYqD6lv07PeO2cMxJXfmApFWCjoRAv0jWuvClm/s1600/Commando_018.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Sometimes, the game pulls a dick move, like spawning me directly in front of a deadly ditch. Wait...what?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The gameplay is frantic, balls-to-the-wall and most importantly, damned fine fun. Your hands never have time to steer from the controller for even a second or you're pushing up the daisies, which is great for this type of game. The action drives forward at a frenetic pace and more times than not, I had that awesome gamer feeling of panic as I blasted my way through jungle hell at its 8-bit finest. Super Joe's main weapon is akin to having the machine gun in Contra at all times, able to fire in all eight directions and lightning quick controls work wonders when you have bullets trying to seperate you from your senses at every passing moment. I sincerely heart games with a high level of control as when I died, it was usually due to poor judgment or paused for that tenth of a second that I should've been unleashing hell. Joe is also armed with a limited number of grenades which, unlike the trusty SMG, can only be thrown upwards and are tons trickier to get good aim with. More than once, I had the field cleared and my next targets dead in my sights and wound up lobbing a grenade clear over their heads. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTur4pInjv2KG6su-GppDpA-yKsSWSUX024-VQ6ytpYQN-gKYeo2ooWxA66CD-J8oo2_-TfqrW1GiXZvM_MXEjEh5404yFMdsdfGmDqjgTziQnd6ZTXkPGiXc4aljV8BdLMpNZa22XOBjM/s1600/Commando_030.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTur4pInjv2KG6su-GppDpA-yKsSWSUX024-VQ6ytpYQN-gKYeo2ooWxA66CD-J8oo2_-TfqrW1GiXZvM_MXEjEh5404yFMdsdfGmDqjgTziQnd6ZTXkPGiXc4aljV8BdLMpNZa22XOBjM/s1600/Commando_030.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">What in the name of the Blue Balls of Arthur happened here?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Levels are split up into a convienient 4 worlds with 4 blocks each. There are no real bosses present but each stage ends with a stream of baddies itching to paint their uniforms red with some perferated Super Joe organs. These sections are far easier than the levels personally because the screen stops and lets you gain your bearings for a moment. Throughout the levels, there are hostages clad in blue who by the magic of a touch, will be free to flee to safety holding a sign giving out bonus points. Again, SERIOUS suspension of disbelief was crucial in our era of gaming folks. If you are a freak at games of this nature like some, you'll enjoy the fact that there is no shortage of hidden bunkers and sewers to find. At one point, in the blink of an eye, I went from trading ammo with the unnamed evil army to finding myself in a room packed with pissed off snakes. I've been told there are glasses that Joe can find to reveal all the secret areas but sadly I never came across them. The graphics can be repetitive but for the most part, you're battling an army in a jungle so the color palette really isn't required to go apeshit is it? The music and effects are neither here or there except for a break in the music where it hits a tiny military style drum number that brings a smile to me everytime it tickles my eardrums. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnCQMPDFcR93Op8FNPufI-QORSo367qdcdBUlNg_5Jm0B7au_zyRbKSbYZQP2uoCaOJ_E4uQ8zhmnI70dS0Dy37lyHzObHl2J0qejIRA3oIt0hhfhQpQluWm2xefcGcfn3c34bkjamA6Tu/s1600/Commando_004.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnCQMPDFcR93Op8FNPufI-QORSo367qdcdBUlNg_5Jm0B7au_zyRbKSbYZQP2uoCaOJ_E4uQ8zhmnI70dS0Dy37lyHzObHl2J0qejIRA3oIt0hhfhQpQluWm2xefcGcfn3c34bkjamA6Tu/s1600/Commando_004.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Seriously, how awesome would it be if you got a kill in Halo and instead of the death scene, your downed foe ran off-screen with a sign touting your kill count?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">7/10 An ambitious title that feels grossly overlooked as one of the pioneers of the genre it helped to elevate. Hectic isn't the word at times and the degree of difficulty can be overwhelming if you're new to this type of fare. As with most of the merciless library of the NES, a little practice and figuring out the timing is the key here if making it to the Engrish section of the game is your final destination. Capcom = too cheap to hire proper translators until the 90's!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFJSrb1YmCj713bRD4npNDUYkmR43yzf8k8aM5swSI4mFFOD9MBEfvXOy0Xft8LNUkhR-wZerbPj4pp4mgd3bgmNISQEXk0PWZzBJxjf2_ZLFy3v0m5as7HBGPl_xSOB_n3hcielr1QDE/s1600/Commando_021.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFJSrb1YmCj713bRD4npNDUYkmR43yzf8k8aM5swSI4mFFOD9MBEfvXOy0Xft8LNUkhR-wZerbPj4pp4mgd3bgmNISQEXk0PWZzBJxjf2_ZLFy3v0m5as7HBGPl_xSOB_n3hcielr1QDE/s1600/Commando_021.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Nintendo never could make up their fucking minds on the smoking/religion policy could they?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">While alot of gamers, myself included, thought Bionic Commando was a sequel, it was actually a 1991 title named MERCS though Super Joe himself makes cameos throughout the Bionic series. Another title, Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3 was released on Xbox Arcade and PSN in 2008 to fair reviews. Turns out our Commando has an actual backstory as well! His real name is Joseph Gibson and his received his moniker by holding the rank of "SUPERvisor, Joint Operations Executive. Neat shit no?</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMCcveGYdc5ZfMuUku_b3pctRVUWALLx00wBk_A8B-OJQT5r_FZ7f4_7K73STQkYEQCBXBJmBPMuLZjGQjRNhtO77uFbKsQA_qB0A30e673n_sydT5c65l5_VM4hhM8XJRuZZZaWAvpegt/s1600/SuperJoe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMCcveGYdc5ZfMuUku_b3pctRVUWALLx00wBk_A8B-OJQT5r_FZ7f4_7K73STQkYEQCBXBJmBPMuLZjGQjRNhtO77uFbKsQA_qB0A30e673n_sydT5c65l5_VM4hhM8XJRuZZZaWAvpegt/s320/SuperJoe.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Super Joe in the upcoming Bionic Commando: Rearmed 2. Looks more like Mike Haggar's non-roided up older brother</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Wanna see one of the most awesome uses of Engrish ever? Feast your eyes upon the ending of Commando. Another notch in my hard motherfuckers beaten belt.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvUM_BzV6Vl1D8nUFCry1-4sF-OzXtKmkTy66gmhAbHqheNpGvQ1s1TOD5PK2WPxWaRWO2OEC8uNr-eCd7MzmEm4_upgIzrwdB8MnpldTSQdqqRVsaxJYFtA-TzQK7dyr7kq_Nf4ntAOVW/s1600/Commando_035.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvUM_BzV6Vl1D8nUFCry1-4sF-OzXtKmkTy66gmhAbHqheNpGvQ1s1TOD5PK2WPxWaRWO2OEC8uNr-eCd7MzmEm4_upgIzrwdB8MnpldTSQdqqRVsaxJYFtA-TzQK7dyr7kq_Nf4ntAOVW/s1600/Commando_035.png" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhObN6sKcPPugWJ_nVMd2tO-Temmd6ktqMSXsgwpY0rlCl-iyl71X4l1XpFTIPzIb9Q-mHc5gqRRWPsnGa67Zl2IymvpOVJ6lYTgF14h5kdTeM2rzSdL2g1XWpp66fY_eKGWN7lj4u3IegJ/s1600/Commando_037.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhObN6sKcPPugWJ_nVMd2tO-Temmd6ktqMSXsgwpY0rlCl-iyl71X4l1XpFTIPzIb9Q-mHc5gqRRWPsnGa67Zl2IymvpOVJ6lYTgF14h5kdTeM2rzSdL2g1XWpp66fY_eKGWN7lj4u3IegJ/s1600/Commando_037.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">...indeed</span></span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-39586491747515245382012-11-15T12:41:00.004-08:002012-11-15T16:54:01.334-08:00NESquest #33 - Ghosts 'N Goblins<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVq7o5PISKc8FdOXBDlNOL4aIEnyQQjVgki6qV6XDn8E9yaSf5LJ2M2wSkaEETXiGnxuL2d2qgUReGM0TaSlq8gptHDz1D3Ls6sBGMEAtLi17V5v_Nr7NqWmJkT5pL-EvB2DL17or_70Uf/s1600/ggcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVq7o5PISKc8FdOXBDlNOL4aIEnyQQjVgki6qV6XDn8E9yaSf5LJ2M2wSkaEETXiGnxuL2d2qgUReGM0TaSlq8gptHDz1D3Ls6sBGMEAtLi17V5v_Nr7NqWmJkT5pL-EvB2DL17or_70Uf/s320/ggcover.jpg" width="233" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Ghosts 'N Goblins, November 1986, Capcom)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">I consider myself a firm believer that once a year, a crack team of sadistic programmers converge into one small room in Japan and collectively decide that they hate gamers passionately and wish to make them suffer. In 1986, this crew of evil, hell-bent geniuses crafted a game that today still haunts those steadfast in their resolve to conquer everything 8-bit. That game was Ghosts N' Goblins.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK_T1eDLjwBoI-QKfu4fBUl_Lur5TqgWjGOgrFmiJ2GmZHMz2WGYKQI9ZkyAs1TolYir7eJNgx0BdTILkFwFFUk2BxUFp3C58QV6KrrekhBlMUE6fIJzItC5h39-1IDUmGRbHloirU-e8k/s1600/GhostsNGoblins.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK_T1eDLjwBoI-QKfu4fBUl_Lur5TqgWjGOgrFmiJ2GmZHMz2WGYKQI9ZkyAs1TolYir7eJNgx0BdTILkFwFFUk2BxUFp3C58QV6KrrekhBlMUE6fIJzItC5h39-1IDUmGRbHloirU-e8k/s1600/GhostsNGoblins.jpeg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">This was hands down one of the nicest looking cabinets at the time.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Thrust into the world to annihilate unsuspecting gamers around 1985, Ghosts N Goblins was one of Capcom's earliest franchises. For those of you who have possibly spent the last two decades living in an Amish community, Capcom is one of the largest, most revered game companies around whose portfolio includes such household names as Megaman, Street Fighter, and Resident Evil. As with most early arcade games not made by Nintendo, production notes are completely impossible to come by so let's take a brief peek at the founding of Capcom. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EF3QcyL5_BsEP8F-WizCeX6gMf8FaV8orWhDzdl_2aAjQTcm-bnt9e42fGsnrB2LKDx09jvazff5hn_eVsCvAEgxYGcITmM_xZ7i7EAfa9bfIGkJ7FhxxXL0mRzj8vNQh4AlPQ2dL5tO/s1600/sir-arthur-marvel-vs-capcom-3-fate-two-worlds-picture.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EF3QcyL5_BsEP8F-WizCeX6gMf8FaV8orWhDzdl_2aAjQTcm-bnt9e42fGsnrB2LKDx09jvazff5hn_eVsCvAEgxYGcITmM_xZ7i7EAfa9bfIGkJ7FhxxXL0mRzj8vNQh4AlPQ2dL5tO/s320/sir-arthur-marvel-vs-capcom-3-fate-two-worlds-picture.png" width="264" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">"Everyone who thinks Cloud and Sephiroth have the gnarliest weaponry in gaming has never had THIS shoved up their ass! Spreads as it goes for that extra ouch!"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Founded in 1979 as I.R.M Corporation, coupled with its subsidiary Japan Capsule Computers, the two offices dedicated themselves to the creation of electronic games. Both companies merged to create Sambi Co Ltd in 1982 which was established as the now familiar Capcom one year later. Capcom is short for CAPsule COMputers, which, at the time, was how the company commonly referred to arcade cabinets. Their first offering was a decent little shooter named Vulgus in 1984 and within a year, Capcom was steadily becoming a rising star with their next few arcade offerings, the previously reviewed 1942, the soon to be reviewed Commando, and the merciless son of a goatfuck we take a look at today, Ghosts N Goblins. After porting 1942, Capcom wisely realized that consoles were going to hold a huge place in the future of gaming and never looked back. Now, if they would quit trying to shove hot pokers up gamer's asses these days by sticking tons of DLC on game discs that are already bought, they could probably become as beloved as they once were. Licensing out their top franchises to untested studios like RE: Racoon City and DmC probably didn't help their status in the recent public eye either but I digress.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMGThFLCa4slpWtrvn-BRbMwid1F9Kpo0Zmkf_XMa9zoqFt8qClTB5a46l7hTrq4Z5LLZ4biyYS7FwoIjo8gFvWuGym8H6Y5qNzT4_Cg_ui6bkQBqc9Aum40sVqgDhXdta481-r0LRLIqZ/s1600/Ghosts+'n+Goblins_008.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMGThFLCa4slpWtrvn-BRbMwid1F9Kpo0Zmkf_XMa9zoqFt8qClTB5a46l7hTrq4Z5LLZ4biyYS7FwoIjo8gFvWuGym8H6Y5qNzT4_Cg_ui6bkQBqc9Aum40sVqgDhXdta481-r0LRLIqZ/s1600/Ghosts+'n+Goblins_008.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">The first part of the travel where your brain starts to release that "FUCK THIS SHIT" hormone that only certain games can trigger</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">So, we've ALL heard about how legendary the difficulty on this medieval rescue mission is. The cake is real ladies and germs, as this is as trying of a title as the early days could possibly fathom. Two hits, you're dead, get any weapon other than the knife, you're dead, stand there a second too long, dead, ponder a troubling spot too long without watching the timer, you're fucking dead. Ghosts N Goblins could've just as easily been titled "Watch This Funny Little Fucker Die 10,000 TImes" without any reservation. The elephant balls-toughness of the entire experience is well documented so what else does the game offer? To start, it is one of the most faithful ports ever produced as everything is EXACTLY in its place from the arcade version. Noone moves any slower or faster and the placement of just about every little nuance is presented in nice, vibrant 8-bit awesomeness. The stages are varied enough to keep things intresting but, trust me, unless you're staring down screenshots, you'll never have the time to fully appreciate how nice it looks for such an early title because you're constantly working on that whole not dying thing. Sound ranges from sufficient to some blips and squeals that become unforgivingly annoying at times. To be honest, sometimes the effects could become so grating to my soul that I'd try to haul ass out of an area only to quickly be transformed into a pile of picked clean bones. If this was the intent of the programmers, then they were genius beyond our understanding at the time. If it was by folly, fuck it, it still works. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-UzSYvqfnVF7sZoRL8Z1FS-AbKCZtFW5CxHGWkwVUDNTuJc8PcuQm6OnH9FkkJBKGssAqPK9jXFMpeYROBAbbT_cYZtLjjtzDI9MIjKVLNGVbofX4S3mjPxpl0c52XMI7xTgmml4teYG/s1600/Ghosts+'n+Goblins_009.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH-UzSYvqfnVF7sZoRL8Z1FS-AbKCZtFW5CxHGWkwVUDNTuJc8PcuQm6OnH9FkkJBKGssAqPK9jXFMpeYROBAbbT_cYZtLjjtzDI9MIjKVLNGVbofX4S3mjPxpl0c52XMI7xTgmml4teYG/s1600/Ghosts+'n+Goblins_009.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Seriously, he looked just a moment away from knowing if the carpet matched her very blue curtains.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The goal here is to have a little ginger knight with a hell of a beard named Arthur rescue the object of his desire, the aptly named Princess..uh..Prin Prin. Prin Prin is kidnapped by Satan himself at the beginning of the game right when some hardcore nookie was about to go down. Don't believe me, look at the screen and tell me Arthur wasn't about 5 seconds from insertion before that damned demon ran off with his slice of ye olde british pie. SO blue balled and rightly pissed the fuck off, Arthur hones his horniness into a rage-filled throwing arm and sets off through six impossible stages to reclaim his priceless cooter. Along the way, he encounters some serious shit like zombies (pre Resident Evil Capcom zombies!), trolls that take as many hits as a boss to kill, and even little versions of Firebrand that will drive the most hardened gamer bonkers. Was Super Meat Boy too easy for you? Dark Souls became your bitch within a few days? Mike Tyson never make it past the first round with you as Little Mac? Then play Ghosts N Goblins while hooked up to a heart and blood pressure monitor to see what we all mean. Stages end with a boss which could either be the "Unicorn" (looks more like a cross between WWF Tag Team Demolition and X-Men villain Wendigo), a dragon that is easier than most, or Satan himself. There are a few weapons at your disposal but if you aren't using the knife, you're wasting time. Speaking of time, the most unfair part of this bastard is the timer you are tasked with beating each level. There will be plenty of times that you'll run that bad boy out simply trying to think of ways to get past whatever puzzle lies ahead of our poor doomed knight. At least there are continues which helps if you have the patience to conquer this beast of burden but it can be like having infinite tries to lift a Mack Truck with your lower lip. Yeah, you can make attempts all day, everyday, but chances are slim and none on the acheivement being met. If you do make it to the ending credits, make sure and attempt human flight and time travel next because those are just as plausible to attain. Don't forget that this migraine inducer also has one of gaming's greatest pranks included as once you think you beat the game, it is revealed to be an illusion devised by Satan and you get to play the entire fothermucker over again. In other words, when you see the final bosses' first incarnation defeated, hide the razor blades kiddies.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">This screen was responsible for 92% of gamer suicides in 1986.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">8/10 A very ambitious title for its time. The multiple stages and animations were ahead of the curve and no matter if the difficulty was locked onto "Motherfucker!" (the order goes Easy, Normal, Hard, Broken Controller, Motherfucker!) it was fun to play and though people may gripe about it being harder than Grandpa Joe after his first Viagra, everyone knows it and everyone has played it, making it an instant classic. The only things that keep it from obtaining a higher score are the sounds and slow down from time to time which can mean cheap death in a game already stocked to the brim with them.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Funny how this little guy was such a bastard that he got his own series and retains a decent amount of popularity to this day. Isn't it strange how one minute Nintendo was all "NO RELIGIOUS STUFF WHATSOEVER" and the next we had Satan himself in a game and one of his sons, Firebrand, getting his own series?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Since then, Arthur has been no stranger to gaming as the franchise has spawned quite the library of games and spin-offs. Gargoyle's Quest follows Firebrand on his own missions and Maximo for the PS2 is set in the same world. The direct sequels are just as daunting to defeat as the rigid ardousness of the original became a staple of the franchise. Arthur and Firebrand also show up in Marvel vs Capcom 3 with an epic tribute to the first stage of the NES game as one of the backdrops. Anyone with a copy of that Ultimate Ghosts N Goblins for PSP, feel free to e-mail me!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">"EXORCISE THE BALLS OF BLUE!!!"</span></span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-50160171515023981862012-10-29T21:52:00.003-07:002012-10-29T21:52:38.079-07:00NESquest #32 - 1942<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjYdLCn6E3MuQHTQm8U38RJkFQfFnDzRz-ObGsloPV6Z208l31zt95M9rBO1G3CbeAZSPGNd4ceIDEV3GVlyL6iP1mxKOtohoyAN3fXFZ1xuTeDA4IUItSmeCsXpEFNO1TOmGmgP56njPa/s1600/1942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjYdLCn6E3MuQHTQm8U38RJkFQfFnDzRz-ObGsloPV6Z208l31zt95M9rBO1G3CbeAZSPGNd4ceIDEV3GVlyL6iP1mxKOtohoyAN3fXFZ1xuTeDA4IUItSmeCsXpEFNO1TOmGmgP56njPa/s320/1942.jpg" width="224" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(1942, November 1986, Capcom)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Ever played the classic arcade titles Pirate Ship Higemaru, Sonson, or Vulgus? Ever even fuckin' heard of them? God knows I haven't, but they were the historic inaugural titles of a company that would go on to revolutionize many aspects of the way we play games today. Beloved by gamers worldwide and boasting one of the most loyal fanbases ever, that company is known as Capcom. Today, we journey through their fourth arcade offering released after the nameless wonders above, 1942.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">You had to be a MAN to pilot one of these babies!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Set in the Pacific theater of World War II, you play as the creatively named Super Ace, who is apparently the baddest pilot ever to sit in a cockpit as he is sent with zero allies to take out the entire Japanese Air Force en route to Tokyo. Quick question, does anyone out there have a clue why in tarnation it's called a theater? Theaters certainly existed then so what was the connection between a large scale battle and something people were watching Casablanca in? I can't help but get visions of powerful generals eating popcorn and watching warlike shit going down. Anyhoodles, Super Ace, probably named so because no fuckin' way Nintendo was going to promote a game around a famous pilot named Dick Bong (I'm not shitting you, look him up), tears through the skies in a Lockheed P-38 Lightning, which intrestingly enough, was the sole aircraft being produced in the United States during the Second War. 1942 also began the first successful franchise for Capcom, branded the "19xx Series". Now usually, I go into the history of the companies when first reviewing one of their games but Capcom will be delved into later when there is a game with not as much history behind it. Believe me, they deserve their own entry but that's not how we do things 'round these parts.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">Well, we can't see his bottom half so perhaps "Commando" is the perfect name?</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">It would be foolish not to point out that so far, 1942 has the most bizarre manual ever. First off, it has CAPTAIN FUCKING COMMANDO on the cover, looking absolutely nothing like the incarnation we know today. Apparently, Capcom was going for a style akin to the Black Box games as 1942 is the first of the "Captain Commando Challenge Series". If that wasn't strange enough, the guide is 2 pages of game instructions and five pages of those old memo pages Nintendo used to throw into the manuals. What in the wide wide world of sports would you possibly write in those for a game like this? After "Blow shit up without getting blown up", your pages are pretty much spent. I digress.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9ummnU4LSlGclGWr8idvF23JfqRsbO0Rb-GppUMqz7R_2wmvxdieq3GQ6aGbqPjf7PEDuEGEloZDSxoMZ3urtnNXIfH6Kb4GkjJIyr1yjGCrhAxzr7-J_vu5U-NKipp0DQ2LPlwjCeLlo/s1600/8611+19420002.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9ummnU4LSlGclGWr8idvF23JfqRsbO0Rb-GppUMqz7R_2wmvxdieq3GQ6aGbqPjf7PEDuEGEloZDSxoMZ3urtnNXIfH6Kb4GkjJIyr1yjGCrhAxzr7-J_vu5U-NKipp0DQ2LPlwjCeLlo/s1600/8611+19420002.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">It can be really easy to lose the enemy planes when things go green.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">From the moment you press start, you know exactly what you're in for. Super Ace and his magical P-38 firing infinite rounds from it's majestic machine guns at anything in his way. Ace controls very smoothly and the shooting is great in that your bullets won't go through anything without it's intended result. There are a few power-ups that are obtained by dropping everything you are doing and firing at red planes if they ever pop up on-screen. My personal favorite being the two little baby Super Ace planes that will join the formation and fight alongside you until they take a hit. Now that I dwell on it, the shooting and the side by side ships have a little bit of a Galaga feel to them, which is never a bad thing. There is a special rolling move that I never messed with because it caused more inadvertent death than the time Paris Hilton swam in Galveston and fish started floating inside a 10 mile radius. Even fried shrimp at Joe's Crab Shack was around $79.99 for awhile because of the shortage we all suffered over it. True story.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb55SXvC_27YTOd4Puj45jlL659TAXq48LSCfai2pH-BAlt6yfTcFloo6RHh-jD_89vsLMjckHudFlXY93uUbG2XNBlZQNe2oZDvXWLQR9UmRpoVFDZTw81TdDNnrX98I7JTmjPlbctL2j/s1600/8611+19420003.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjb55SXvC_27YTOd4Puj45jlL659TAXq48LSCfai2pH-BAlt6yfTcFloo6RHh-jD_89vsLMjckHudFlXY93uUbG2XNBlZQNe2oZDvXWLQR9UmRpoVFDZTw81TdDNnrX98I7JTmjPlbctL2j/s1600/8611+19420003.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">Somewhere around the end of stage 8, shit gets real.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The graphics, while bright and vibrant, are responsible for some of the earliest cases of flicker. Flicker for you younger cats out there is when shit just starts disappearing from the screen though the game still thinks it's there. In other words, there will be a death or two caused by the dangerous abrasiveness of air until you blow up that is, revealing the out of time Stealth fighter that just caused your demise and a few curse words. As for the sound, well, I'd like to meet the guy who was in charge of audio for this game, tie him to a chair, and force him to listen to me play this game at full blast until his eyes bleed. The very first time in the quest where it became impossible to deal with, therefore the Japanese had to be killed to a few Kyuss records in the background. Surely I could die easier knowing "Green Machine" was my soundtrack on the way down to the icy waters below. However if you're a sickfuck and would like to give it a shot yourself, just have a buddy, spouse, kid, homeless wino, or anyone just whistle as loud and as obnoxiously as can be mustered directly into your ear the duration of your gaming experience. That is the sound of 1942. The good outweigh the bad however and it isn't hard to turn the volume down and pretend that you are given 2 lives at the start than 3, because one is going down no matter how good you are.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqE08Yaqj9KsFxM21JNs6pE7saNXP6vF-Kd8r0lmDDFH3tJsBnzC_1IvIiANDdq_xMMXqs7MTQf3wpxp3lHF_sbu905_vPyKy63Lwz01fgJNJ7aKxGEN_nL-dw1d-nPbpx3X6C4xdXyaxc/s1600/1942js-04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqE08Yaqj9KsFxM21JNs6pE7saNXP6vF-Kd8r0lmDDFH3tJsBnzC_1IvIiANDdq_xMMXqs7MTQf3wpxp3lHF_sbu905_vPyKy63Lwz01fgJNJ7aKxGEN_nL-dw1d-nPbpx3X6C4xdXyaxc/s320/1942js-04.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">If you liked the original, check out the tremendous remake on Xbox, 1942: Joint Strike.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">7/10 A timeless classic and one of those games you can pick up and play at anytime without having to invest alot of time and brain power into. Press start and start sending Japanese fighters to hell while dodging and holding onto a little luck. The fast pace is fairly close to the arcade version but the flicker and sound bogged it down just a tad for me. Still, a 7 isn't a 2 or anything so it's worth checking out and loads of fun for you shooter fans.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2dRxAaEWGciVEp8ROVzHqOS-bvp1sBVamsmN_XRYLQ9iKqLTd4XzpW5uNA6xGSOPTfEWdpW9o08X-fjnYX5Bnn7GMJXwm_xRNXMozmBrKczM6NauxVXk8mWu8uegKXxPlXp7L8LT0SaLT/s1600/Richard_Bong_photo_portrait_head_and_shoulders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2dRxAaEWGciVEp8ROVzHqOS-bvp1sBVamsmN_XRYLQ9iKqLTd4XzpW5uNA6xGSOPTfEWdpW9o08X-fjnYX5Bnn7GMJXwm_xRNXMozmBrKczM6NauxVXk8mWu8uegKXxPlXp7L8LT0SaLT/s320/Richard_Bong_photo_portrait_head_and_shoulders.jpg" width="263" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: cyan;">ALL HAIL DICK BONG!!!</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-24010050566519991562012-10-22T18:29:00.001-07:002012-10-22T18:29:05.849-07:00Beyond The Controller - Retro Gamer Girls<br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Welcome back cats and kittens! I thought about trying this a long time ago and am now going through with it. Beyond the Controller is going to be a series of interviews with various writers/programmers/fans/youtubers/podcaster/collectors/etc to give everyone a little behind the scenes look at various personalities within the retro gaming community. I have a few of these lined up and it's a project I find exciting, so if you don't like it, eat dookie! And we're off....</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Welcome to the first installment of "Beyond The Controller" and thanks for agreeing to be on here! I think a few refusals to my interviewing are due in part to the wonderfully colorful language I like to partake in through my writings but perhaps if those who refused see how subdued I am with these, they may loosen their buttholes and lighten up to where they'll come on. That being said, today we have Zoe and Wanda, collectively known as Retro Gamer Girls. They have a neat little Youtube show and I swear by the fingertips with which Miyamoto drew his first Mario with, if you try their show out, you'll be shocked by how awesome it is only 6 months in. So first question, what led to the creation of the show?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Z- It was Wanda actually. For me it was anyways. I have been carrying my NES games around with me for years but I had lost my old system. She got me one for my birthday. After playing them and then realizing how much fun it could be finding games I’ve never even played I loved the idea. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">W- It was really a combined effort. One day we were talking about it and thought: “hey, would could play games and have fun on camera!” I was crazy nervous because I had never been on camera before (at least not as an adult). Once we made it through the first episode I was like, yeah, I can do this!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>So would I be correct in assuming you both have been good friends for a while now? You sure couldn't hate each other and pull this off.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- We have been together for 2 years now. We got along from the very beginning and it didn’t take much to see how good we were together with many things. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Yeah, she’s alright ::giggles:: Are you kidding? I love doing the show with Zoe!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>The music that kicks off the show is freakin' righteous! Where did you ladies get the track and is it available for download?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- I actually wrote that track specifically for the show. I used to be in a rock band and I still have my equipment. It comes in handy when you start other projects. I haven’t actually thought about putting the song up for sale or download. It’s an interesting idea. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Zoe is an amazing musician! When she created the track and I listened to it for the first time I was immediately impressed! It randomly comes on my iTunes and I rock out every time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I also saw the shout-out to your YouTube Channel (http://www.youtube.com/user/RetroGamerGirls) by none other than Jay of The Game Chasers. Was this a chance meeting and he was cool enough to plug your work on the spot or had you had any correspondence?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- We actually have talked more with Billy than Jay. Though I have talked to him a few times when they did their live streams. They are really good guys. When everyone came to Vegas for the Classic Gaming Expo it was pretty much just meeting friends in person for the first time. 8 Bit Eric, NesComplex, Gamester81 and many others. They have been really nice. I feel kind of bad because I was so in game finding mode I didn’t realize when some of the other youtubers came up. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Jay is an awesome dude; very down to earth and friendly. But like Zoe said, everyone that we met at CGE was very cool.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Back along the lines of The Game Chasers, who else out there are you big fans of and don't miss any of their videos?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- I think there were three major influences that I refused to miss a show. One obviously was the Game Chasers. I discovered them after watching the Retro Hunters. I wish they hadn’t retired but I totally understand why they did. The third was Little Miss Gamer. I loved how not like the boys she was and how her reviews seriously reflected her personality as opposed to a character. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- I second what Zoe said! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>This one is for Zoe, with your game donations vid, I could feel your pain, as you seemed to initially be squeamish of the thought of doing "pick-up" videos. My site has reviews and nothing in-between whatsoever as I feel the same way and use Facebook for the "filler". My question is how long did you think about filming that one before you did it? Reason I ask is I recently moved and had to publish an "I'm moving" post but must've stared at my screen forever trying to decide on doing it or not. You?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z-The donations vid was a really hard choice to do. I think the only reason I actually said ok to doing it was the sheer volume of stuff my friend had given me. I am really big on giving respect and credit where it is due. And when he gave it to me I was in awe. It may be the only one I ever do. Who knows. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Did you both make goals for The Summer Challenge and will there be a follow-up video to it? I'm personally intrigued as to how far you got in Ghosts N' Goblins as that game has the power to make me go from feeling like a great, confident gamer to a monosyllabic, weak mess within an hour.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z-sadly the summer challenge failed before it started for me. As you saw I had those three games lined up and two-mystery games (aka I hadn’t picked them yet) lol. With almost losing my home then my mom’s heart attack over the summer things got really busy. So sadly I never got to do the challenge. Though I can say I have beaten Bugs Bunny’s Birthday blowout. I really don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Wait, there was a summer challenge? ::grin::</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>So you are both Monster drinkers. What are your favorite flavors and your least favorites? My heart always steers towards the o.g. green can as my fav and the apple/vomit Heavy Metal as the shits.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- Actually that was the first time I have had one in ages. I try to avoid heavily caffeinated drinks. I have recently gone on a no dark soda cleansing. The monsters seem to be a necessary evil for the show. We film so late at night they help us keep going. I started drinking it back in the band days. They were a backer for the band and gave us the stuff free so I couldn’t argue. I prefer the light blue low carb ones. I did like the classic green ones but they give me the shakes. Not good. lol</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- As a Red Bull drinker, it wasn’t until I met Zoe that she recommended Monster. I had tried a few different varieties but love the blue one. Wait; does it even have a flavor name? I seriously have to pace myself because I can go from docile to Cornholio in just a few sips!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Have you had talks with some of the other prominent "gamer girls" out there such as Alana (Retrogamergirl) and Heidi (stopxwhispering) and if you have, how are your relations with them?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- I have spoken with Alana a few times on youtube. She is really nice. I like her videos on how to repair old games. I have never even thought about doing that kind of stuff so it was interesting to see. Heidi on the other hand I have not met yet. I am sure our paths will cross in time. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- I actually haven’t spoken to them yet. I should! Hey girls, if you are reading this, hit me up! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>How long on average from the time you hit record to the time editing is totally wrapped does it take to produce a Retro Gamer Girls video?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z-It really depends. A basic episode will take maybe 2 or 3 days. The ones where we go to expos and cons clearly take much longer because there is a lot more footage to sift through and place in the show. Not to mention we have a lot more to actually discuss when we film.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Zoe is the film and editing brains. I am just there, taking up space! Haha. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>I'd like to applaud you ladies for not falling into what I call the "Let's Play Trap" where the wad is shot in the first video or two so to speak and the rest is two people causally playing games and barely saying anything useful for a hundred 10 minute long videos. It seems like you're staying creative and fun with it so that rules. Now then, what goes into the decision process on what game the focus of a video is? </b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- It really depends on what is going on at the time. Obviously the first episode was in the heat of the Michael bay/TMNT fiasco. And the Dr. Mario was something fun while we discussed the events of the expo. I think my main intention is to keep it as entertaining as possible both from us and the games. Even if the games aren’t so popular. I think a lot of them get bad reps that they don’t deserve. And I would like to fix that if I could. Otherwise we just plan them out. We have a few upcoming we planned but most of the time it seems to just be what is happening at the time. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- I love that we are flexible with the game selection. As for keeping it creative and fun, it helps to throw in some humor and related topics. And sometimes we are totally random and that is definitely part of the fun. We are big on themes and enjoy interesting topics. Gotta keep it fresh!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Do you script anything or just hit record and roll with it? I'd be shocked if it were scripted because judging by the YouTube comments and my own opinion, the conversation flows so organically and smoothly that you're either the greatest actresses the world doesn't know yet or you're unscripted and having a genuinely good time playing. Which is it?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z- nothing has been scripted as of yet. I would love to do some videos where there is some acting and such. But the reviews are just us sitting real time in front of the TV playing the game. We may have ideas of what we want to talk about but that’s it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- Dude, nothing is scripted! I just get on camera and go for it. Sometimes I am funny (or so they tell me!). Zoe and I feed off of each other and we have a beautiful thing going! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><b>Any sage advice on those who see your vids and would like to give what you do a shot?</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Z-I think the main thing is if you want to do shows like ours you need to stay away from characterizing yourself. Shows like the angry video game nerd and such are great. But if you aren’t careful you will accidentally fall into the realm of acting and being a character. Just be yourself and have fun with it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">W- I agree! As someone with NO experience in making videos or ‘acting,’ I just jumped in and have given it my best shot. So I would say confidence. If you are confident and positive, your videos will follow suite! Plus it helps to team up with someone who knows all the technical stuff (like Zoe!). She really is the heart of the operation.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">And there ya have it, a fun interview with two awesome people within our kooky little world. HUGE thank you to Retro Gamer Girls for taking part in the first, but far from last installment of Beyond The Controller! Make certain to check out their Youtube channel here <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/retrogamergirls?feature=results_main">Retrogamergirl's Youtube Channel</a> and LIKE their Facebook page at <a href="http://www.facebook.com/RetroGamerGirls?fref=ts">RetroGamerGirls on Facebook</a>.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Stay tuned as this week bring the beginning of the Capcom reviews and another entry by A.C. Sativa in the NPC series!</span></span><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-20432857825236776662012-10-18T16:49:00.002-07:002012-10-19T04:22:46.161-07:00NESquest #31 - M.U.S.C.L.E.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji_Ak3PBrrQejM0ZoI5AoauArZic9rs4W7aCSu9nOBE-8VUXJByEGllUwoF_Bdn6UlhTwhTU74vXh5SF-zA-r_5R4eaCvyxFruALg_VkWRgA1lbwFLAKTq9LS0e0moWqK9zGY87-oCcmxB/s1600/587426_39651_front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji_Ak3PBrrQejM0ZoI5AoauArZic9rs4W7aCSu9nOBE-8VUXJByEGllUwoF_Bdn6UlhTwhTU74vXh5SF-zA-r_5R4eaCvyxFruALg_VkWRgA1lbwFLAKTq9LS0e0moWqK9zGY87-oCcmxB/s320/587426_39651_front.jpg" width="224" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(M.U.S.C.L.E., October 1986, Bandai)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">So far, as it pertains to the first wave of third party offerings, Bandai has shocked me twice. Once with the average, which is of course better than shitty Chubby Cherub and the next being the hidden gem of Ninja Kid. Today's venture into the quest takes us into the second wrestling game to be released that fateful day that the third party doors were blown open, Millions of Unusual Small Creatures Lurking Everywhere or as it's commonly called, M.U.S.C.L.E!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGC7DW0p7RrLqKFwkl2x2V_iMxxIiWQ8ou8jyelGmovYK0HoVGR9UHbnnzvc1pwP4fd5rkSLCsdbxXCDvlx-0HZskuIpElUsx7lrvkCSFdy1x-ngRLDY1t5erASodULGKDiRlxtaQPQI6G/s1600/monster_muscle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGC7DW0p7RrLqKFwkl2x2V_iMxxIiWQ8ou8jyelGmovYK0HoVGR9UHbnnzvc1pwP4fd5rkSLCsdbxXCDvlx-0HZskuIpElUsx7lrvkCSFdy1x-ngRLDY1t5erASodULGKDiRlxtaQPQI6G/s320/monster_muscle.jpg" width="273" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Easily in my top 5 toys from my youth. I would've done some cuh-razzzzy shit for a pack of these I tell ya.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">As a younger lad, I can safely say I fucking loved M.U.S.C.L.E. As a hardcore wrestling nutball even then, anything featuring anyone who's goal in life was pinning everyone he saw was gold to me. They presented a nice alternative to the WWF figures at the time, which were so goddamned cumbersome and heavy that you could probably kill an irate bear with them. These were tiny pink (later colored) intergalactic wrestlers who came many to a pack and even had it's own bitchin' belt container to hold your finds in. What I didn't know at the time was that they were based off of a Japanese series named Kinnikuman. Why they didn't dub the cartoon like they did everything else and port it here is beyond me, as it just might have been a hit. I'd bet the farm that wacky wrestlers that look like either a pissed off pyramid or a happy peanut would've gone over huge with the 80's kiddos. Be that as it may, Kinnikuman is still alive and well overseas and the story is still ongoing with an unbelievable sense of continuity for the amount of episodes I'm told.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Can you feel the realism? CAN YOU???</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Describing how worthless this game is seems like such a daunting task that the only way I can properly do it justice is to lose my fucking marbles and give my opinion in rhyme:</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSZ4A56Yl72-Zb0OUjZqVY-PG2q-Uvz3xpQnLKUq9zW-pNKK4mjqh2JqnnG7v1RA_YKNY2z3OsJjfVR5DHSaYL-sow8XsI7ne8Gd08fN35RLE17dReaqjk4vMKmq0UwvDeTYB2m1XjxQEg/s1600/Kinnikuman_Soldier.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSZ4A56Yl72-Zb0OUjZqVY-PG2q-Uvz3xpQnLKUq9zW-pNKK4mjqh2JqnnG7v1RA_YKNY2z3OsJjfVR5DHSaYL-sow8XsI7ne8Gd08fN35RLE17dReaqjk4vMKmq0UwvDeTYB2m1XjxQEg/s320/Kinnikuman_Soldier.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">Translation: Time to bust a freestyle bee-yotch!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">The gameplay of M.U.S.C.L.E. blitzes me with cold shivers</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">There isn't this much useless plastic in the face of Joan Rivers</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Tag Team Wrestling may blow hippos, but this is about on par</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">I could bang my ballbag against the controller and get just as far</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Pushing B throws a punch that refuses to hit even once</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">A causes your wrestlers to leap right past each other like moronic cunts</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Is there some strategy somewhere in this disaster I missed?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Or just wait for a random power-up so I can miss it and get pissed?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Oh, if only there was something worthwhile here to shill</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">But once the power is turned on, it's straight the fuck downhill</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Programmers had the sack to give three different rings</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Changing the color of the mat won't stop this debacle from happening</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">So all in all where does M.U.S.C.L.E. truly rank?</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">I'd rather stick my dick in fresh blood and hop in a shark tank</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">....yes....a shark tank</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">2/10 Don't even try it. Don't "game chase" it. Don't buy it. Don't download it. Don't waste the finger energy it would require to hit start. Seriously, if you want to try something new and feel the need to torture yourself, then eat a few tacos laced with shaved glass and wait a few hours. Even that sounds more appealing than another minute of my life spent trying to find words to describe this fucking thing. God knows, I've spent long enough already. It had sequels, making this a rare occasion where I'm going to forego the history and future titles and try and forget any memory of having played this in the first place. You're on your own kids!</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: lime;">I don't really care if the game tarnished your legacy, just PLEASE COME BACK!!!</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-63180972692071346212012-10-08T14:35:00.006-07:002012-10-08T14:35:34.803-07:00NESquest #30 - Ninja Kid<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpG0xz2bfCqe7mG3WsGfGX1TI-LK3VZpU2P1k1im8z3Q4iUusaUp1Hpn4OyeLvEdSFg4K1s3GaHsVCbwpA1TaYSTNmNlr2BmPVY3qZvT1MToae7iIIWlPHa9wIi6XdWP2ZMW2uWz9JVwdL/s1600/587491_57000_front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpG0xz2bfCqe7mG3WsGfGX1TI-LK3VZpU2P1k1im8z3Q4iUusaUp1Hpn4OyeLvEdSFg4K1s3GaHsVCbwpA1TaYSTNmNlr2BmPVY3qZvT1MToae7iIIWlPHa9wIi6XdWP2ZMW2uWz9JVwdL/s320/587491_57000_front.jpg" width="232" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">(Ninja Kid, October 1986, Bandai)</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Sometimes seeing the world in only 8 bits can send you into non-sensical bouts of insanity and cause you to stomp on every turtle on the planet with everything you have, sending women and children fleeing in terror. I have also deduced that eating random mushrooms does not make one bigger nor give one another chance at life but rather can make you vomit uncontrollably or yearn to roll in fields of grass whistling "Magic Carpet Ride" for ten hours straight. So I took a SNES break and played some Final Fantasy IV, sue me, it's a great fucking game. Now then, where were we? Ah, another Bandai game which could either be an auto-stinker or pleasantly suprise me a la Chubby Cherub. No way lightning strikes twice so with zero expectations and rolled up sleeves, let's dig into some Ninja Kid! </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv8rSrp6B5xiTyYH4Gm66L_3NY9HkyFGtkVZEy49tM8VABzUWnzUb63cdxU4XqBUY4bolJW1w5d0Urpvxe2R_hxGo5ojC9xEX0XoJHNfhJzX8jI2IuUhRG7QYWWNCoK7dizIkobCPzuTWH/s1600/Gegege+no+Kitarou+-+Youkai+Dai+Makyou+(J)_003.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv8rSrp6B5xiTyYH4Gm66L_3NY9HkyFGtkVZEy49tM8VABzUWnzUb63cdxU4XqBUY4bolJW1w5d0Urpvxe2R_hxGo5ojC9xEX0XoJHNfhJzX8jI2IuUhRG7QYWWNCoK7dizIkobCPzuTWH/s1600/Gegege+no+Kitarou+-+Youkai+Dai+Makyou+(J)_003.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">:Kitaro translates into "Phu-King Boring"</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">Another Bandai game based on an anime that flipped the script upon arriving in the U.S., this was originally titled "GeGeGe no Kitaro", based on a one-eyed boy named Kitaro who attempts to keep peace between humans and ghost spirits. He is also 350 years old and has a decaying father but the more we delve into this weird shit, the more off-track we get about the game so suffice to say unlike Q-Taro/Chubby Cherub, this story is going strong to this day through manga and animation and sports more episodes than any anime maniac could digest in one lifetime. All Kintaro references were removed for us on this end and we were given the gift of the most generic of generic names, Ninja Kid! The change is actually welcome as he goes from a bland every kid to a goofy-grinned blue-haired kickass ninja type of fellow. The other changes are minor save for an enemy or two here but the core games remains the same. Could Bandai possibly not suck twice in a row?</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYGmcYqgp54kGYC1xQUyio3eQyLEKG4FOJaB4iNrkuchbrBgwyxASG_AHPcTrbpDLE-ZeKVo9SKe5y5pZWuhAFO2TQFgOCfH8vjl0zFVlIAPyfMs5cur6d56I3OYHSSQtO1CKO8_17_uo5/s1600/th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYGmcYqgp54kGYC1xQUyio3eQyLEKG4FOJaB4iNrkuchbrBgwyxASG_AHPcTrbpDLE-ZeKVo9SKe5y5pZWuhAFO2TQFgOCfH8vjl0zFVlIAPyfMs5cur6d56I3OYHSSQtO1CKO8_17_uo5/s1600/th.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Now THAT'S a fucking Ninja Kid!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">This game is far deeper than I would've given it credit for. If I was suprised about Chubby Cherub not being a total shitfest, I'm five times as shocked at Ninja Kid. The saga begins on an overworld map where there are three temples you must beat to get to the end of the level where a boss awaits. Sometimes, there will even be a mini-boss ready to send you to ninja hades at the end of the regular stages, giving a true sense of "oh shit!" that alot games of the time tried and failed at. Throughout Ninja Kid, whistles are found that can either have you fight alongside a Pegasus, a huge pissed off eagle, or an old witch who's attack is so strong, I swear I wouldn't be suprised if she was Gandalf's fuck buddy for a century or two. There is a great variety of levels to plow through, so I'll briefly touch on how they work.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhva0dnZ6Ir9ienaU9zRnW0yjz8KMM8JRdLjl6QSzOmd4d-nTzv-nuugJg08fPjBOkRKWHnnnPDwt6vSTOzbl4mnRV_d9NbfQDnmCtFD_eOtWOm9PbZochDRz5b0VJkXuGv8I5t0mRI-SGq/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_001.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhva0dnZ6Ir9ienaU9zRnW0yjz8KMM8JRdLjl6QSzOmd4d-nTzv-nuugJg08fPjBOkRKWHnnnPDwt6vSTOzbl4mnRV_d9NbfQDnmCtFD_eOtWOm9PbZochDRz5b0VJkXuGv8I5t0mRI-SGq/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_001.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Why is it even called Poison Field? </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">POISON FIELD - As easy as it sounds, Ninja Kid must collect 10 spirits that float in the air while dodging whatever comes his way. Sounds like a breeze but in later stages when shit explodes into 8 way death flames, it can be one of the most trying of stages.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjTtOHSnPM_ZPy48ABEl5DGHIKlf7d8p0-2uGm8Lp2eVKofsRbj-vhlFFM4zLq5pSE4pP1TQyXfu_5bPzE6x9lz3IOWwbIxkp5GH1RxqJuGyIHQyZdhGouPwkFjsT7ZiTzvW5xhiyP8It0/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_003.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjTtOHSnPM_ZPy48ABEl5DGHIKlf7d8p0-2uGm8Lp2eVKofsRbj-vhlFFM4zLq5pSE4pP1TQyXfu_5bPzE6x9lz3IOWwbIxkp5GH1RxqJuGyIHQyZdhGouPwkFjsT7ZiTzvW5xhiyP8It0/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_003.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">One of the humongous sub-bosses. Beating these turds takes very precise, sniper-like shots to move on.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">GUERILLA WARFARE - Fair enough. The premise is to kill a set number of baddies that try to make life miserable. Most of the time, this is the fastest part of the game to get through as the anti-ninja's out there can't really match firepower so they can be mowed down akin to a small stage of Contra.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Maybe whistling "Magic Carpet Ride" DID work? Kids, do shrooms!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">DOG FIGHT - Ninja Kid dresses up like Snoopy and commands a plane that looks alot like the Red Baron's, Just bullshitting. NK hops on a kite and like in Warfare has to take out a set number of antagonists. This is by far the easiest mode to get through as the targets fly by so quick that you can just manuver behind them everytime and gun their nuts off. No fuss, no muss.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQhs1qFVBGWx9G4UHrjBOptdQraDixRqk3d6RAIlygZvdpRdnDgGA-E6Olhk6Nem6K1SxJBknW_KJM3T8b-_hF-FZOin6rc_nuDvC2-6gD8QuuEH7grmLIGhO8v3x8SR-Lo_UEFUCUafyA/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_006.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQhs1qFVBGWx9G4UHrjBOptdQraDixRqk3d6RAIlygZvdpRdnDgGA-E6Olhk6Nem6K1SxJBknW_KJM3T8b-_hF-FZOin6rc_nuDvC2-6gD8QuuEH7grmLIGhO8v3x8SR-Lo_UEFUCUafyA/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_006.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">It's a Taco Bell fart that gained a soul!</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">BLAZING INFERNO - This is the motherfucker of the game. There are ten candles scattered throughout the level and the object is to use this tiny flame that follows you wherever you go to light them all. Sometimes, it can be a glorious pain in the ass to dodge shurikens and knives while trying to get the little firey booger to do what you want it to. Like most old games though, once you get the hang of it, it isn't impossible and forces you to keep trying.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFxzpgIb_PtI9HeeWBc6BR-FvktJq5HCRf3NtBItejkbVVdV2EsthAyZsaPFUMVvfcJNsL8DdFu81NFge3cuoipVgMntlHQitVhcZA7e2jAxWifl9qSu3laQP-MBr0h5t8GyFDeRVBMBvb/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_015.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFxzpgIb_PtI9HeeWBc6BR-FvktJq5HCRf3NtBItejkbVVdV2EsthAyZsaPFUMVvfcJNsL8DdFu81NFge3cuoipVgMntlHQitVhcZA7e2jAxWifl9qSu3laQP-MBr0h5t8GyFDeRVBMBvb/s1600/Ninja+Kid+(U)_015.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">A favorite early form of Shangri-La. Out of nowhere, after all the serious death faced, here comes a dude with a guitar firing notes at you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">After these stages are over and done with, sometimes Ninja Kid is whisked away to fight one of the aforementioned sub-bosses. Most of them are cakewalks and don't up the difficulty throught the game like the stages do. All of them take one shot to the weak spot and back to the map you go. When the entire map is clear, it's time to take on the main badass of the game, a Demon Lord named Shangri-La, who takes many forms as you go on. They are varied and keep the challenge new and intriguing throughout as very different strategies are required to defeat the different transformations he goes through. If any of these NES games from '85-'86 was begging for a rewarding ending, it would have to be Ninja Kid. As for the graphics and controls, the sprites are nice and big and the stages have differing motifs to them that look exactly what they were shooting for. One stage looks like a cold, mountainous valley, another gives the warm feel of a sunny, bright springvale, and so on. The mini-bosses are also the biggest to date for the NES which is saying something. The only real negative I can see graphic-wise is with the enemy variation within the levels can be lacking at times but if I'm going to complain about that type of shit in a 1986 game, I'd better start cavetching about all the colors used for Zoomers and Rippers inside of Metroid. The sound, while nothing to hoot and holler about suffices and doesn't really distract to the point of neededing to dive for the mute button. The main song does loop a bit but the stages are over with quickly enough that it wasn't worth marking off for. In all, Ninja Kid is a hell of alot better than I expected it to be and my only true gripe is the lack of an ending. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtK9fm-f3l2VtsA-RkCAi5tIF54ch-BUXQPcsZZvrK9vQD2RFnX-wjHW0VBmzCGMZqRSr8_6rk1BaG5ECvnXnGiS3S2yi6ugShQ1nbrDmWyRSJUSj0iG1PseMKTnxHld72qPnmgNGOJNtk/s1600/Ninja+Kid0000.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtK9fm-f3l2VtsA-RkCAi5tIF54ch-BUXQPcsZZvrK9vQD2RFnX-wjHW0VBmzCGMZqRSr8_6rk1BaG5ECvnXnGiS3S2yi6ugShQ1nbrDmWyRSJUSj0iG1PseMKTnxHld72qPnmgNGOJNtk/s1600/Ninja+Kid0000.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">Make it past this Stage 6 Assholus Maximus and buy yourself a trophy. Seriously, he is controller replacing hard.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;">8/10 I just can't look past the scope of what these guys were going for nor fault very much of what they did end up accomplishing. Some people like Coke, some people like Pepsi, some people love Ice Climber, I really liked Ninja Kid. This blew away the first wave of third party games and it is a shame that more people didn't try this involving, challenging, quite fun title. Two Bandai games I thought were going to be the hippo shits have actually suprised me. Maybe the world IS ending soon!</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKeVPUII94WS6x6vKhO-027_S_9LotODxMHHPnAgt93uoYQfA5WFVJieIOt4vSltZyuwNg_NQ5K7rEP3nnkWCFfk7RtOt7f26FvlsBbsFqdC4hsOLcdlM7X-j53HjuiDyRfkW7MyGVz626/s1600/Ninja+Kid0001.png" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: black; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKeVPUII94WS6x6vKhO-027_S_9LotODxMHHPnAgt93uoYQfA5WFVJieIOt4vSltZyuwNg_NQ5K7rEP3nnkWCFfk7RtOt7f26FvlsBbsFqdC4hsOLcdlM7X-j53HjuiDyRfkW7MyGVz626/s1600/Ninja+Kid0001.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: yellow;">The M 7 on the left side of the screen? Yeah, my trophy is on its way. Good luck making it this far, it gets tougher than old elbow skin.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5874866243448622464.post-76443734546724508392012-09-26T16:58:00.007-07:002012-09-27T03:38:09.015-07:00NESquest #29 - Chubby Cherub<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9YgypSfox_DMNQzFIcNDx3iy0bYdVkpQg_Wf9R1S6GsSjerq5pcj-miIv50CITlDP5M48F96AB2p5XdhORI0CfxNprOGNYXlJCvU7Cyv7QdNv4h1G-gWI2-kXGeKwS1HJ8znICu4FU-9p/s1600/587187_46892_front.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9YgypSfox_DMNQzFIcNDx3iy0bYdVkpQg_Wf9R1S6GsSjerq5pcj-miIv50CITlDP5M48F96AB2p5XdhORI0CfxNprOGNYXlJCvU7Cyv7QdNv4h1G-gWI2-kXGeKwS1HJ8znICu4FU-9p/s320/587187_46892_front.jpg" width="233" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">(Chubby Cherub, October 1986, Bandai)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Hell yeah! Time to strap in and review Kid Icarus, a great little game featuring an adorable little angel who strikes at his foes with arrows while avoiding dastardly baddies in an attempt to...oh fuck me, this is Chubby Cherub isn't it?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBn-94V2f9Yb3IB5VeU2BS9fFHuH1rR9oZTdN3kFl7B8T_5L0oon14FdAWDsX8OkBL96yfqnf4zltXmbQt1W-khVVL5HpBneICMGxj454iGngj2xamxYllbYWp62PAiEpqzj5fPcQfwb0/s1600/bandai-gundam_S6Suf_65.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZBn-94V2f9Yb3IB5VeU2BS9fFHuH1rR9oZTdN3kFl7B8T_5L0oon14FdAWDsX8OkBL96yfqnf4zltXmbQt1W-khVVL5HpBneICMGxj454iGngj2xamxYllbYWp62PAiEpqzj5fPcQfwb0/s320/bandai-gundam_S6Suf_65.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">Bandai may have only reached mediocrity in video games but FUCK could they make a toy!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Another of the first wave of third party games, Chubby Cherub was presented by Bandai, a company founded in 1950 whose long translation means "We will make shit games and you will love it". Unlike Data East, Bandai never went the way of the dodo and remains a powerful force in toys, anime, and trading card games. Currently known as Namco-Bandai, one things these guys could never seem to do well would be to program a memorable Nintendo game. The catalogue of titles they were responsible for unleashing on the world is full of stinkers so is Chubby Cherub any exception? Let's all explore the answer together as this is my first ever time firing this bastard up.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKkvrI3id4_yNPjeYGx91gOVuK4MtmZyBywNYtQxU-4N4svGqFNIyLW9VErdfTxAnA72QEDzmhdUUaFjHsHMSIp_Sdr3AavIMDpNZSN36vSV9rCoYGDf-5sCZObaQIzPnpG7VlzVm5OPNE/s1600/vlcsnap-2012-09-23-13h14m26s234.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKkvrI3id4_yNPjeYGx91gOVuK4MtmZyBywNYtQxU-4N4svGqFNIyLW9VErdfTxAnA72QEDzmhdUUaFjHsHMSIp_Sdr3AavIMDpNZSN36vSV9rCoYGDf-5sCZObaQIzPnpG7VlzVm5OPNE/s320/vlcsnap-2012-09-23-13h14m26s234.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">I wonder if NOA changed it to a cherub because noone would know Q-Taro or because he looked like a jizz trail with a duckbill </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Originally released in Japan as an adaption to a popular manga, Obake no Q-taro: WanWan Panic just didn't roll off the tongue for some odd reason. Q-taro is like Casper's asian cousin, a happy little ghost who finds himself in entertaining, humorous, light-hearted situations. The little guy had drawing power and had been featured in one form or another since 1964. Instead of introducing an American audience to the likable spectral fellow, we were instead given a little angel named Chubby Cherub, which is rather strange due to Nintendo's shying away from all religious icons or drugs of any sort to a strict degree. The plot is the same in both versions but is pretty sparse. Chubby's friends are kidnapped and his only fear in this mortal plain, dogs, are obstructions on his path to rescue. Honestly, the dog thing makes a hell of alot more sense to the Cherub, as what the fuck does a ghost really have to be scared of? You've faced DEATH for shit's sake!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">Best death animation since Donkey Kong Jr.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Lo and behold, this honestly isn't a terrible game. It isn't Metroid but isn't quite Tag Team Wrestling either. There are a few good points that caught me off guard as I was expecting to trash this as an abomination within minutes but the more I played, the more I appreciated what they were going for. First off, the music number played in the levels is tremendous. No shit, in a span of 24 hours I have caught myself doing laundry, cooking dinner, and waking up with this snappy little ditty lodged in my head. No small feat for any video game even if it is really the only tune available. Do you think I'm going to harp on Tetris for only having one song during gameplay? Hell no, so why do it here? The graphics as well don't present me with much to bitch about as they are bright and vibrant and the timer up top corresponds with what color the sky is which is really neat for the era.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIdlty32SPNuVjIrus3d_t7Io_fYTfx1PmlP-ayQSEBfQgJnOc4Ra3vKUyo48Ex3O2yp281zwfyGTSR8R9fklLVHgZqCh-SONmOOYZ17vLyz9fnj2hIc2c0dTbUUxLWD9TXeGDRjP-LJ9/s1600/Chubby+Cherub0009.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifIdlty32SPNuVjIrus3d_t7Io_fYTfx1PmlP-ayQSEBfQgJnOc4Ra3vKUyo48Ex3O2yp281zwfyGTSR8R9fklLVHgZqCh-SONmOOYZ17vLyz9fnj2hIc2c0dTbUUxLWD9TXeGDRjP-LJ9/s1600/Chubby+Cherub0009.png" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">This was as far as I was willing to go with it. Best of luck to you all.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">Now for the cavetching if I may. While the graphics and sound I found pleasing to the eye and ear, the controls can be slightly of the left of fucking insanity. Remember in the SNES classic Super Mario World the reward for learning how to fly like a master was that you could hover over entire levels on top of impressing the shit out of your friends? Well, Chubby Cherub strips it down to nothing and makes it to where it is as easy as Sesame Street 1-2-3 to fly over a level as long as you keep eating the fruit that is present every other pixel. Sure, every now and then, a dog will bark the letter "B" your way(!), but they take little effort to avoid and the only real challenges here are either the close to impossible bosses that randomly show up throwing bombs like there's no tomorrow or having to shoot something to get it out of your way. The only reason shooting is a whore is because you have a limited supply of arrows and their range is nothing compared to your enemies. It's like going against a trained sniper with a .22, the shit just doesn't work. Also, if there comes a time when Chubby needs to drop from the sky to ground level, you have no control over the descent whatsoever so if a dog, cat, or owl wants to veer in your path in the meantime, you're toast.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMQj0EzhcOQgvC9FgvIGsZiSCT11IKIYAmThmIp-gRtFrn4Jwop3IBbIMMtTQBRvtdGd6fnWNQtBrCh6plxO93bbUpSxVSTltt8JXp9BJmuCKUKO6hWYk2auGW3gKbrN__EtZnyLwLD7h4/s1600/Chubby-Cherub-belfast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMQj0EzhcOQgvC9FgvIGsZiSCT11IKIYAmThmIp-gRtFrn4Jwop3IBbIMMtTQBRvtdGd6fnWNQtBrCh6plxO93bbUpSxVSTltt8JXp9BJmuCKUKO6hWYk2auGW3gKbrN__EtZnyLwLD7h4/s1600/Chubby-Cherub-belfast.jpg" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">In Belfast, it's a pizza joint!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">THE FINAL VERDICT</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">5/10 Smack in the middle of the NES lovefest is Chubby Cherub. It had potential to be an IP that could've spawned a few successful sequels if they stuck with it, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. Ironically, Q-taro also petered out around the same time overseas so that could've had alot to do with it as well. Say hi to Stanley and Mach Rider for us!</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">"I could've been a contender. Fuck it, it's Miller Time."</span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14567212432544042765noreply@blogger.com5